To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

It really is.

He’s an absolute scumbag and his friends are just as bad for encouraging him when they know he has a newborn at home.
His bitch of a mother can piss of as well.

Honestly you deserve so much more than this. I reserve these for special cases but here we go - LTB.

I wouldn't be able to forgive this. It would be the end for me.
I doubt he's even thought about that possibility though.
If OP decides to split up, he'll be shocked and won't understand why.
Because he's a child.
Hopefully OP is in bed now and resting. I doubt her DH is coming home tonight.

did you spend the whole night messaging him & calling then got his mum too. Maybe this is why he hasn’t come home & has ignored you.

either way not reading your messages all night tells you he does not give a shit.

the poster that said they would just have a lovely evening with the baby. If you are fine in yourself & can take care of the children, do that, you don’t need a knobhead who wants to be out & not with you.

you need to try and get some rest, forget him for now but you do have to consider if this is a relationship you want to be in

What a selfish bastard.

Is he usually this awful @Coffeecherrymama?

How unbelievably selfish if him.

I would be furious. I would have lost all respect. I would be reconsidering thr relationship if my DH has done that despite being well aware I was struggling.

Is he home yet?

Wow, that’s pretty shocking on your first night home. His mum is deranged, he deserves a night out?

I hope you are ok OP. Congratulations on the birth of your new baby. I can imagine you are exhausted and have been left feeling disappointed with how your husband has behaved.

YANBU to be raging at this. Very selfish of him to leave you with the children to go drinking and then ignoring you when you were trying to contact him.

Do you have family who can give you a helping hand in the next few days? Not his mum, but other family? If so, then I would reach out to them as he won’t be any help to you if he’s hungover and you probably don’t want him helping if he is either.

I hope he explains himself and apologies to you for this pathetic behaviour. He has no idea why you were calling him. You could have been calling for an emergency and he just ignored you.

@Skybluepinky You are shocking.

We’ve found the token MRA on the thread 🙄

Who are these friends he is out with, do you know them?

Sorry, but I have been reading through this thread feeling pretty heartbroken, but thankful that nobody has as yet raised the whole 'should you really be married to this person' crap. And here it is. Undermining someone who's just home with a brand new baby.

I really think that OP has more than enough to think about, and indeed worry about right now. Whilst I can see that this post is heartfelt, this sort of comment isn't really what she needs.

Yes

He clearly doesn’t love you. Suggest you act on that accordingly.

That's clearly not a very helpful thing to say to someone who's just given birth, is it?

What has his mum got to do with it.
Hes her son so she probably feels sorry for him having to watch you give birth, maybe hes traumatised
🙄. He should not have left you to go out.
Very unfair

Lock the door and let him sleep at his mums since he’s entitled to a night out. What a prick

I divorced my ex-H over this behaviour but it wasn’t a one off, it was from months of going out until 7am (yes, 7AM!!) he said it would calm down when we had DD but it didn’t. I had a post partum breakdown and was suicidal and catatonic, my parents had to take DD when she was 5 weeks and that woke him up.

he was great (read: bare minimum for a normal decent partner) for 3 weeks and then one night he said he wanted to go clubbing again. I was exhausted and ended it then and there. DD was 10 weeks old.

This happened after months of this behaviour, refusal to change or take accountability and DARVO tactics (because apparently reaction to his behaviour was unreasonable). And he was still shocked I left him despite telling him many many times I would do this. He was 36.

I’m not saying your DH will be like this because this was a very special breed of insanity and early midlife crisis imo. But it is a BIG deal he left you as soon as you got back from hospital. You need to have a serious conversation that this behaviour is unacceptable and you need support. He has 2 children, one newly home from hospital with a wife who is recovering from childbirth. He has no right to do be doing this and if he has a problem with it he should have thought about that before having kids.

For reference my ex is now miserable. He sees DD as much as he wants but he’s a glorified babysitter. None of our friends speak to him anymore, he lives with housemates in a flat share because he can’t afford his own place (I was the bread winner earning 90% of the household income) and while he is free to go out now as much as he likes, all his friends now have kids and wives and happy stable lives while he is in his late 30s in a flatshare with no family and no prospects. Karma is real.

Yes selfish and annoying but then he's 25.

That's absolutely no excuse. He has chosen to father two children. He isn't a young teen.
@Coffeecherrymama, his behaviour is disgraceful. I can't believe his misogynist mother is defending him.

Ignore the MIL.

Really sorry OP. Hope you are ok.

Christ, what have I read?! You poor thing.
I hope you did keep the key in the door last night, what an utter shit.

By all means 'wet the baby's head' but you both need to be in agreement as to when this could happen and not treat it as a normal bloke night out!

And now, you'll be dealing with a stonkingly hungover miserable fucker all day 🤬 and as for the MIL....😑

Hope you're ok OP. Congrats on your beautiful baba.

Dont live your relationship through his mother. He should have his own moral compass by now.

As if. HV's don't do relationship counselling.

This is unforgivable in my opinion. What a prize twat he is. I hope you had an ok night with the baby 💐