To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Yes, at 25 his bloody frontal cortex is fully formed, so what’s his excuse? He’s not 16 ffs.

What a selfish twat. Is he home?
He needs to grow up fast.

His mum needs to butt out. She’s the reason he’s so entitled. He’s needed at home, with his family, not with his mates.

Are you his mum?

He is disgusting OP. There is no excuse. None. Keep hold of your anger. What a selfish bastard.

Weren’t you at least a little sad that your DH would rather be out with mates than at home with you are you his new baby?

Oh yuk. What an insensitive “mother in law”you’ve got. So sorry OP.
Going forward, you’ll know now not ever to look to her for support again.
Did you not realise until now that she was that sort of woman?
(FWIW If it was my son I’d tear him a new one).
Have you any decent female support to turn to? Mother, sister, friends?
Sending you massive hugs.
if you eventually ditch this waste-of-skin man, at least you now have an indelible record of her behaviour that you can eventually tell her grandchildren about.
Hang in there OP. 💐

He and his mother are awful. He's left you at home by yourself with a 3 year old and newborn days after giving birth. Wow!

Ask his mum if he will be looking after the baby tomorrow then, while you take the night out you’re entitled to?

What an absolutely terrible attitude. Shame on you. Are you a man???

DHs mum, get off the bloody thread 😄.

OP your DH is a twat and his mum is his flying monkey, backing him up so you have to take being treated like garbage. Women like her is what creates men like him.

Can't believe Im reading this tbh. You deserve 100% better. Don't ever bother speaking to your mother in law again about anything substantive.

I'd leave my husband if he did this, anything could have happened to you or the kids.

YANBU, but don't involve his mother in your marital disputes. If you act like he's a child (who has to do as his mummy says) why should he think he has to act like an adult?

If he never used to be like this and it's a sudden change, I would question whether there's something else going on - maybe a situation at work? Having his head turned?

It's all very well for the poster upthread to criticise people suggesting that she reconsiders whether she wants to be in this relationship, because OP has just had a baby, but the reality is that she should be considering all the options and potential reasons for his behaviour. He's not thinking about her having just had a baby and that's her reality - posters can't give her genuine hrlp if we have to sugar handle with kid gloves. The OP had a baby not a lobotomy - she asked for advice and she deserves honesty from those who respond to her thread.

I hope you are okay And getting some rest.

@Coffeecherrymama hope you’re ok this morning.

ofc you’re NOT unreasonable to be upset

1. that he decided to leave without even asking on your first day home alone with a newborn (and an older child)

2. he has ignored you all evening - what if you had needed to go to the hospital.

he sounds very immature. I know you say he’s not usually like this but it’s strange for him to behave so extremely out of the blue. I woudlnt ask his mother in law to get involved in any further issues as she clearly only wants to support her son regardless of the situation. Hope you have other good support available that are there do you!!!

congratulations on new baby and hope there can be a swift resolutoon

I would be leaving. It’s not often I say this but I’d find this unforgivable,

Agreed but he also became a parent at 22 which is very young and not all men (in fact I’d argue most) are mature enough in their 20s full stop never mind early 20s…

His behaviour is obviously outrageous so I’m not making excuses for him. I’m surprised his mother backed him like this too. Maybe she knows something you don’t and he’s miserable but only been confiding in her?

You’re sleep deprived caring for a newborn alone - we all do things accidentlh when tired 😉

This 100%. Unbelievable behaviour.

I don’t know if going on MN when you’re full of hormones from a new baby is a good idea. But I guess why you’ve done it, it’s can be reassuring especially when others (dh/mil) have tried to make you feel you’re being unreasonable. Only thing is by the time you’re done here someone will have convinced you to divorce him, burn his clothes and change the locks. You’d get a range of Understandable to extreme suggestions by people who don’t have to live it out. Thing is, at this point early post birth, your body’s gone through so much and you might make decisions you normally wouldn’t. Also MN can be unkind too which you don’t need.

At this point please book and plan nice things for you and your babies. Arrange (good) friends to come over and coo and make a fuss over you and your babies. Tell good friends you need a pamper and look forward to that. DH likely knows he’s out of order but you really don’t need an argument now or to make him the focus of your energy. Otherwise you’d just stew and worse still, draw inference about your worth from a man who is (for the moment) being very inconsiderate.

Much much later when things have calmed down, you can quietly assess in your own head your DH’a behaviour.

if nothing else any reaction or talks you have with him now will be chalked up to you being irrational which will gaslight you and make things worse. It’s far more effective and scary if you don’t knee jerk react as someone who has acted badly expects.. for now.

Did he come back?

No it’s not!

But this needs to be sorted properly, when he’s sober.

He’s the one who has undermined her.

Agree with this!

Well there's only one thing for it- it's your turn now for a night on the tiles and he can stay home with the baby!