To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

On the first child, the dad tries to make an effort. On the second child, he doesn't. Sorry OP, but this is his way of saying the newborn is your child, not his, and he's not going to help. Things usually get much, much worse after the second child. They're your kids now, and if you ask for anything, you're just a nag.

Stop calling and messaging him. Go and try and get some sleep.

I'd be so angry. Absolute selfish fucker. He's blatantly ignoring you.

I crikey, I agree with that. If I was OP DH would be sleeping in the car on the driveway for a week while still being expected to clean the house and do his share of nappy changes. I wasn't being an apologist. What I was saying was that comments like "He's shown you the man he is. He will never change." are unhelpful. He can change. One fuck up doesn't have to mean divorce.

Still doesn't mean you let him off though.

Im assuming all, or most of his other 25yo mates he’s out with aren’t fathers themselves?

I would send him 1 last message saying “stay at your mums tonight” and double lock the door or leave you key in it then go get yourself some sleep, congratulations on your new baby x

This!!!!!!

This isn't a mistake. He left his wife at home with their newborn baby on the first night she was home from hospital to go out with his mates to a pub.
Don't excuse a crap husband and father.

Everybody advising lock him out aren't thinking straight.... A drunk man coming home to find he can't get in his house is unlikely to just quietly and meekly decamp to his mums or wherever. He's potentially more likely to bang the door/ring the bell and shout in the street demanding to be let in. All of this will be more upsetting for Op and potentially wake the baby and older child. Plus the neighbours. Unless he's a quiet drunk. He's a thoughtless husband and a worse father but it's probably safer Op to let him in, sleep it off and sort the future out in the morning.

This is even worse because it's your second and you have a fresh newborn and a toddler to juggle. There are no words for this.

If he does return home, OP, suggest you remain very calm.

Simply tell him you don’t think there’s any way back from what he’s done today. Because you don’t want a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you. Then leave it at that, making clear he should stay elsewhere tonight, or certainly not anywhere near you or the children, as presumably he’s been drinking heavily.

I don’t know any man, of any generation, who’d do such a thing.

None of us have any idea what he is like but OP has said that he is not normally like this, and I choose to trust her judgement on her own husband. He has messed up and he needs to learn his lesson, but it doesn't need to be repeated. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Astounding behaviour. Literally WTF. a special place in hell for men like this honestly.

I cannot imagine going out and leaving a spouse alone their first night home from hospital, for any procedure. But especially not after giving birth. What a rotten thing to do. Hugs, OP xxx

A toddler and a newborn. And he's been out for 8.5 hours getting pissed leaving you to do everything. And ignoring all your calls and messages.

I'm sorry but this is genuinely fucking despicable

A married man who has fathered two children has trapped himself. If he wanted to carry on with his single life he should have done something to prevent a pregnancy. He is a hateful selfish pig to abandon his newly post partum wife on her first night at home after the birth. I don't know about caging him - in OP's place I'd be seriously thinking about binning him!

LTB. Selfish twat

Whathappened op

When he left the house he was sober. Even if he's steaming drunk now. That was when his brain should have been screaming 'no', 'are you mad?' and 'get the fuck back in the house'. That it didn't is a very black mark. And however lovely he's been in the past, no truly lovely man does what he's done.

Put a note on the door telling him to spend the night at his mums. You have two babies and do t need a third adult baby

Yeah he's been through a lot physically to bring that baby into the world I'm sure, it makes a huge amount of sense that your first night in your own home as a family of four is all about him having a great time. What an absolute arsehole

Was he the same with child #1?

This approach is the best

On your first night home? Bollocks!

Unreal behaviour tbh OP. Hope he grows up a bit and apologises.
Hugs & hope you're ok xx