To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

This makes me mad for you! If it was you that had wanted to go out straight after a new baby , you would be the world's worst but he is 'entitled'!

Absolutely NOT being unreasonable. 💯! I’d be totally livid and upset too!

Stop involving his mum - you are treating him like a child.
once he has sobered up - I would ask for an explanation and then suggest a separation. Tell him when he will have the three year old, and that he can come and visit the baby any time.
this would be the end of the road for me - he isn’t mature enough for two kids

Good for him for winning the prick of the week award on mumsnet.
He got in at 9am, where the hell had he been?

Apparently my dad had a nervous breakdown around the time my younger sibling was born... maybe the pressure got to your dh. Not an excuse, but maybe a reason?

Tbh I'd dump him but it's not that easy when you just had a baby. If he does this again, lock the door and send him his mother's way. She can clean up his stinking vomit.

I just don’t understand some people. His mum sounds shit too.

2nd time you have posted this on this thread - what is wrong with you!

What a horrible man get rid

Posters saying things like lose/damage the passport and change the locks are not helpful suggestions. In fact both scenarios will just cause unnecessary drama and cost money. Neither are legal either.

I suspect this man-child has been playing at being a grown up and OP, in her love and commitment to their vows, has chosen not to see who he really is.

A man, even if he is 25, that loves, cares and values his partner, doesn't leave her 1 day post partum - with a toddler too - to go on the piss for 20 hours. He most certainly doesn't plan a secret trip to Ibiza on top of that.

Dear OP, this is contempt. It is actually wicked behaviour. It is inexcusable, it is calculated, and imo, unforgivable.

I would most certainly file for divorce in your shoes.

I hope you have kept hold of his passport, and change the locks. What a selfish prick. You are better off without him.

This 👆Stick to the right side of the law!

Yes he is telling you / screaming at you. I don't want to be married with kids. I don't want a baby. I don't want this life.
He needs to be gone from your life.

Speaking from experience you will never have MIL on your side as he’s her son and can do no wrong in her eyes.Even if she says it’s bad behaviour and that he should come home,she won’t do anything about it.

Wrong? A little bit stressed perhaps?

I'd literally say to him if he goes...don't come back. What the actual hell is the thought process to book tickets to go away on holiday a few days after your wife gives birth. That says he's a selfish A-hole who has absolutely no respect for you and does not care about you or the kids in the slightest. I'd be fuming too.

And would his mother say the same, if you went out with friends and left him with a brand new baby? No wonder he's a selfish bstd, with his mother defending that behaviour.

The though process is: I don't want kids, I'm off to have a good time with my friends and if she divorces me, great. Because I can't be doing with the no sleep, the endless work and expectations and nagging.
He wants out, not a family.
That's the thought process.

He doesn’t have a job either so always moans that he has to do everything at home while I’m out working everyday which will be a problem if we spilt up because after my mat leave I’ll be back at work full time x

Where does he get all this money from if he has no job?

Why the hell are you with this loser. What exactly does he bring to the table.

How is he paying for his secret trip to Ibiza if he doesn’t work?

Wow cut this one loose asap

Beggars belief than he has done this to you . I'm feel really sorry for you. I would be devastated.

Can your own family or friends give you some support?

Best Wishes to you and your New Baby
😻
X

I'd be inclined to remove his passport and not mention the trip. See what he's like Tuesday and how he acts.

It isn’t going to get better. Get rid of this loser. The fact his mum doesn’t think his behaviour is wrong after his wife just gave birth says a lot about how he was brought up (dragged up more like). He isn’t ready to be a father and you say he’s unemployed too… you’ll end up looking after three children not two. You’re better off as a single mother and I say that as someone who was a single mother of two under twos.

I'm appalled at how people are treating OP in this thread. The woman has just got home with a newborn and she does not need your moral high ground or your holier-than-thou proselytising. @Coffeecherrymama YANBU to expect the support of your husband on your first night home after delivering your baby, regardless of whether this is your first, second, or fiftieth child. I hope your husband comes to his senses.