To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

You need to get some help and support.
As pp have said - midwife, health visitor?
When he's conscious, he needs to clean up, then get professional cleaners in, so that it's a home fit for his wife, toddler and baby.
Then there needs to be a plan, moving forward

My exH did exactly this the second night after coming home from hospital (after an emergency c-section and being kept in for 3 days). He went out to “wet the babies head” as I recall and got completely plastered, I woke up to him rolling around on the bathroom floor half naked with shit every where, trying to get this sorted in the middle of the night as a first time mum after just being sawn in half was honestly the first nail in the coffin of the marriage. It was just so thoughtless and I still feel hurt and angry about it almost 19 years later.

This! I'd be doing exactly the same whether you were my daughter or my daughter in law and would be supporting you in whatever way I could.

I'm assuming that she is involving her MIL as she is probably the only person that he will listen to. I agree that it is counterproductive as she is as hideously awful as her dreadful son. We also don't know whether OP has any support from her own family.

OP is in no way to blame for her husband's disgusting and callous behaviour. I can't imagine how awful she feels having to deal with this with a new born and a three year old having just been released from hospital after giving birth.

You seem to have no empathy for OP's situation and are just scolding her to try and make her feel worse that she does already.

Go away for a few days, don't tell him where you are, don't reply to messages or calls.
Just like he did to you.

Eventually, tell him you will come back when the house has been professionally cleaned.

I’d stop contacting his mum about his behaviour if I were you. She’s clearly on her son’s side and thinks her little prince can do no wrong.
Also, he’s a grown adult and asking him mum to tell him off is not the solution.

She can come and get him then and see how she likes it when he pukes all over her house.

OP is in no way to blame for her husband's disgusting and callous behaviour

Nowhere have I said otherwise, of course she's not to blame for his shit behaviour.
Just telling his mum and expecting her to sort it all out is a bit 😕 especially as she's shown she's just as bad and couldn't really give a shit about his behaviour so no surprise what she'd be like on seeing a video.
They're all adults.

Don’t clean up, just get you and your babies out to a friend, or family and go and find a little bit of space. You absolutely shouldn’t be cleaning up adult alcohol sick 1 day post partum.

I agree.
Plus it's not an environment for the 3 of you.

Yell his Mummy she is free to come and get him and kick him out

Agree. Go and stay with close family until your husband has had professional cleaners in.
Never trust him to come home to your house after drinking again. Always have him go to his mother's.

Did you miss the bit where it's the first night home with a new (second) baby and OP is struggling and needs help?

When WILL society stop excusing and enabling these pathetic men-children?

Knowing what i know now, I would break up with him over this. He has shown you complete disrespect and you will get more from life without him.

I don't know. It happens a lot on here. Just when I think I've read the worst, a thread like this happens.

Do not involve his mum!!! She has already shown you that her golden son can't do anything wrong. I do understand your instinct to call his mum though because he's acting like a naughty boy and not a 27 year old father of two.

You need to call your friends or your family for support. His mum would say that "men has needs" if he would be cheating so no need to involve her. She's already made a lousy job raising him and it's too late now.

Honestly i would pack his bag, get him out the house and ring his mother and she can deal with him.
you’re better off without him & what difference does it make anyway you were on your own all last night so you’re doing it alone either way

I’d send him back to his mum, honestly this is such an awful thing to do

Don't bother involving his mum. She is not in your corner. Sounds like mummy's likkle soldier can do no wrong.

Keaving you alone all night with a toddler and a newborn on your very first night home after the birth is taking the piss.

There is no point even trying to talk to him right now. Leave him be and plan what you will say when he is sober.

Do you have anyone eho can come round and keep you company? (NOT his mum?) After all, you could use the help and neither he nor his mum can complain what people may think of him since its apparently perfectly fine for him to do this.

You really need to leave him this is one of the most shocking things I've read on here in a while. A newborn baby and a toddler and he leaves you the first night it will not improve his actions are showing you mean nothing to him he's a disgrace the mum is a disgrace please leave and go to your mums if you can don't look back x

I'd tell his mother to come and clean up and I'd leave with the children. It's not hygienic as others have said and you ought not to have to deal with an adult's bodily fluids right after giving birth.

No no no. Never clear up after a man who has behaved like this. He gets to clear it up himself fully when he conscious. You have enough to do with the baby.

Your life would be so much better without this prick and his bitch mother. I hope you're okay OP

I agree. No cleaning up.

Please tell me that you are not planning on staying with this man?

I am the first to defend people for having a night out. I think it’s so important to still have fun.

But this is beyond disrespectful behaviour and you would be a fool to not end things.