To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Call MIL and make her come and clean up the vomit. Tell her you're leaving him to it. Pack up the kids and go to your families and leave him to stew.

I feel for you OP. Can someone come and collect you? The idea of packing everything up with a newborn and toddler is just awful. But he needs to wake up to an empty house and realise the severity of what he has done. Sending hugs xx

Do you have family or friends who could support you nearby? I'd call them and move to theirs today. I don't mean you have to leave your home forever, just to get yourselves to a safe place for now. I totally appreciate that will be an overwhelming thing to organise with a brand new baby, hopefully someone can help.

And I completely agree with @Passingthrough123 - take photos and video footage.

Oh I very much doubt it. I think skybluepinky is a troll, and that they are getting their rocks off on all the attention they're getting. 🤢

I see!

I have sent a video to his mum and her response was “looks like he had a good night out then”!!!! I’m absolutely raging! He’s still lay on the floor because he’s so drunk!! I’m having to try and clean all his sick up out of the carpet but just feel like I want to cry

You need to ask yourself if his behaviour is acceptable to you? You know him better than anyone. Is his behaviour out of character? Or has he always been this shitty and is likely to do it again?

If the answer is the latter, please leave him. He doesn't respect you and you deserve better.

Can you go to a friend or relative for the day and leave him to it?

Do better for your kids. This isn't acceptable behaviour and stop trying to convince his mother otherwise, she raised him into the man he is. That's just flogging a dead horse.

Is there anyone nearby who can support you @Coffeecherrymama? If you were my daughter, I'd be coming to collect you and the children and you would stay at my house until the dick had cleaned up the house himself. You'd also have the chance to think about what you want to do going forward.

Can you scoop up the kids and leave him to it?

This would have been the line crossed for me. It is inconsiderate and disrespectful, then when you called him to get him back after the time he said, he punished you be staying out all night.

His mum sounds awful. She is not a support for you.

This is as bad as it gets. You poor woman, I hope he doesn’t destroy your life.

Bloody hell OP! There is absolute zero excuse for any of his behaviour, I was hoping in some small way he’d arrive late last night full of apologies.

Can you stay with family for a few days, ask someone to come and pick the 3 of you up?. No way I’d be staying if I had another option. Call the midwife and give her your new address if she’s due to come out today, and you can talk to her when she comes.

As his Mum thinks going out was ok, I’d also call her and say you’re leaving, that she should go over to see the state he’s in.
That normally you wouldn’t leave him in such a state, because you’re an adult who isn’t a selfish dick, but now you know it’s totally ‘normal’ / ‘expected’ to disappear to celebrate the birth of your child, that’s what you’re off out to do.
Then leave with your family or friends, and switch your phone off.

I’m not sure tit for tat behaviour is the greatest way to solve problems, but in this instance you can’t stay in the house with him vomiting everywhere, still falling down drunk, when you have 2 children

I truly hope you have someone you can call - even if you only stay out for the day. x

Yeh I'm pretty sure that when gentlemen started this tradition of 'wetting the baby's head' it was one brandy to toast the baby and a cigar, not 'still off his tits by the next morning' I'd bet as well that in the good old days mum and baby were probably still on a maternity ward being coddled by the midwives from the good old days. This behaviour is completely inappropriate and selfish and unacceptable OP and don't let MIL or anyone else tell you otherwise.

Please get support from your family and friends or women's aid if you need and make sure you have an exit plan. Give your 'D'P the ultimatum once he's sober that this cannot happen again and that he either steps up or steps out. Do not involve MIL or any of his family again with your disputes. This only infantilises him and yourself. You're better than that. I hope you're ok and staying safe whatever happens next xx

And do not clean up. Take enough stuff to manage a few days at least.

The pair of them are grim

Cant you pack a bag and go out with kids and leave him to it? Go to family or friends. No way should you have to clean up after him and it's horrible for your DC to be around that.
I wouldn't come home for a couple of days tbh.

ETA: dont go to MIL's place fgs. She can look after her son if she thinks this is OK.

He's an asshole and so is his mum (no wonder where he got it from)

Tell her to come round and clean up after him

leavd him. Now. Before you look back in 20 years time and realise just how much of your time, and physical spiritual and emotional energy you’ve wasted on a dead weight attached to your ankles whilst you desperately tried to keep your nose above the water.

take it from a woman who knows.

he will abandon you in every single way you can imagine (and many you have yet to imagine) and then blame you for your reaction (his mothers clearly already parented him to expect everyone to excuse his behaviour)

Do g wast your bid precious life on this bullshit.

get out now

my kids are young adults. I would be mortified by this behaviour and would be coming over to help you if I could and then tell my son what I thought of him once sober.

What a disgraceful pair. Can you get away? Or is that too exhausting to contemplate? Have you told your family? They need to know as you will need support.

What an appalling excuse for a mother she is!

Please OP, is there anywhere else you can go right now? You shouldn't be on your hands and knees cleaning up his sick when you've just had a baby!

Can you call your parents to pick you up?

Why are you involving his mum so much?!
You rang her up last night telling her to tell him to come home as he was out getting pissed (which yes he was a dick for to put it mildly when he's got a brand new newborn) and now you're sending her videos of him the next morning?!
How old are you? You sound really young, wanting mummy to get involved and sort out your relationship problems.
That can backfire on you later, especially if you're clashing already when baby is just born!
You've already shown her that you don't mind her meddling, in fact you actively encourage it and seek it out. 😕

OP, stop trying to get his mother involved in your arguments. It's childish and she obviously isn't on your side anyway, so will continue to disappoint you. (It's also apparent where her son got his attitude from.)

YANBU at all to be upset that he wasn't home on time, or that he showed up the next day still drunk. If you have somewhere else you can go, including paying for a hotel, if necessary, I'd go there for a few days so you're not forced to clean up his vomit and your 3yr old doesn't have to step over her passed out drunk father's body whenever she moves through your home. Later this week, you and your DH need to talk about how you're going to parent together and support each other moving forward.

I do agree with this

You need to speak to your Health Visitor or the midwives who will be visiting your home to check on you and the baby. You aren't safe with your husband or his appalling mother. The apple hasn't fallen very far from the tree there.

You shouldn't be cleaning up the vomit and god knows what other bodily fluids of your paralytic husband when you have just had a baby. Cleanliness and hygiene is of upmost importance during the very vulnerable post-partum period for both mother and baby. This is abusive behaviour from him and his mother.

You deserve so much better than this.