To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Some of these future mil are on here already defending the future childish sons by never saying no to them and pandering to every whim. while teaching their d that is the way things are and as a future woman she has to get on with it.

Oh my god I would be so pissed off. I’d be pissed off even if I hadn’t given birth, how dare they say they’d be home at a certain time, keep you awake and then make you worry.

You poor thing. Have you got your family around to support you?

I hope you can go to your parents for support and leave this bum.

What a joke of a man and a partner. Clearly its ingrained as his mum thinks its ok. Get rid @Coffeecherrymama

Thats very stereotypical. I know some mature 25 year olds and some 40 year olds who act like they are 13.

How are u feeling today @Coffeecherrymama ?

Male POV (not that you need one for this) but he has acted revoltingly over this and I can't imagine any of the men I know doing that, maybe would have been more common in the earlier generations which would explain his mother's attitude. I'd have words with any of my friends doing similar. You're not really entitled to a night out when your child's just been born and the mother also has an unsettled toddler to handle!

He is an absolute waste of space and so is his pathetic mum. Please dont spend your life with someone so unreliable and selfish. And stop having babies with someone who clearly isnt ready to be a parent.

Your husband sounds extremely immature and selfish.
The fact that his Mum doesn’t see an issue probably explains why he thinks going out for hours, not answering his messages, is totally fine behaviour.

New born or not, to go out and ignore messages is bloody rude.

I hope you’re ok OP, I hope you have family and friends who can be with you and support you.
Your husband, in the next few days (when you’re ready) needs to be made aware that his behaviour was extremely selfish. If he can’t see this (likely justified by his bloody stupid mother) then I’d be reassessing my relationship.
I’d make it clear that celebrating with friends is great… but not on day 1, and not for hours after he said he’d be back. The ignoring messaging - no excuse, that’s him being a twat. You want a partner, not an adult child in your life.
Everyone is entitled to a night out, but in this situation, he should only be thinking of you and your children.

Let’s hope this was a momentary stupid blip, and he’s come back and apologised. Congrats on your new baby OP I hope you can sort this out x

I’m absolutely fuming with him! He didn’t answer any calls or messages all night and he’s just come home 20 minutes ago and scared our child and the baby! He’s absolutely steaming drunk (I’m wondering if he’s also taken drugs too?!) and throwing up all over the house and unable to walk as he’s so drunk and I can’t understand a word of what he’s saying because he’s so drunk!! He’s so drunk that he’s now just lay on the floor!! I’m absolutely fuming! How can he think this is ok to do???

OP build up your support network. Hope
you can work this out but I don’t know if this immature dickhead will get any better.

And ignore the many women on MN with low standards who allow themselves to be walked over and who fawn over the poor menz. Hold on to your anger and get strength from it.

Congrats on your baby too x

Pack up your stuff and the children's and go to your family.
The damage this will do to your children is ten fold

OP he is a disgrace. There is no excuse for his behaviour. Most decent men would find him abhorrent too. I am so sorry xx

What a dick. Send pics to his mother that defended his actions and have her clean up his mess. He shouldn't be around the kids in that state.

Jesus.

I suggest taking some video footage to shame him with later, so he can see the absolute state he was in. It's so beyond unreasonable that he's behaved like this the day his newborn baby arrived home. It's unforgiveable.

Then I might be inclined to send it to his doting mother too, so she can see what a shameful excuse of a son she has.

Is there anyone else IRL you can ask to come and support you today, like your parents or a sibling or friend? Or even go to their house?

Bless you love. Only came back 20minutes ago? What in hell! Is there anyone you can get to come over and scoop you all up and take you to their house? ( alternatively give him a good kicking )

So he hasn't just gone out and avoided parenting his two children without checking how you felt. He hasn't just avoided the first chance he had to spend time together as a family, a night that only happens once, but he's also caused you stress and anxiety all night and now is causing the same to his three year old? I'd put him out of the house and tell his mum that she and his friends can clean the vomit and take him away. Send video footage to his mum now.

OP is the community midwife coming today? They used to come round your first day at home. Tell her everything.
If you don't have a visit booked, call the community team because none of this is fair on you or your children and you deserve some support x

That's horrific.

Can you take the kids and go and stay with your parents or somewhere else. They don't need to see this.

Or I'd phone his mum and tell her she either comes and gets him or the relationship is over.

What an absolute prick!
Where did he go all night??

Are you for fucking real?

I wonder where he was, until almost 9am?
It's abhorrent behaviour in any circumstance, never mind when there is a toddler, a newborn and a post partum woman in the house.
Sometimes I'm absolutely amazed at the low bar for men that so many women have on MN.
Surely this is beyond any silly excuses given on here.

Sadly, I think they are.

Can you go to family or friends for the day and MIL come round to take care of her precious DH and clear up his mess? Feel for you OP

Yes, I think this is good advice. Utilise the support that you have.

It's not ok to get in that state. You aren't responsible for cleaning up. I'd gather my things, leave a calm note about when you'll return and what you expect to find - clean house at a minimum. Be specific and don't leave him guessing. Make your decisions about next steps from a calmer place. For today just get yourself away and don't clean up his mess