To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Yes, that’s exactly what she wants to do with a one day old baby and a toddler…

OP he’s a total piece of shit and you deserve better.

Hope you had a okay night given the circumstances, I’d be absolutely fuming OP you’re definitely not being unreasonable your first night home is special plus some help would be nice!

The father of your child went off and got drunk the first night his baby was at home and you think that's good. You need a higher bar.

My dad did the exact same thing after bringing my brother home from the hospital.
Left mum, me and the baby in the house with no food.

Ignore the trolls on here. That’s an absolutely abhorrent way to treat you. I’m actually shocked. Also why is your MIL putting her oar in?! She should be thinking about her daughter in law who’s just given birth!! I honestly despair at the depiction of so many men on here. Rest up OP and I hope he realises how ridiculous he has been and grovels but somehow I fear he won’t.

JFC your bar is low! He went out at 4.00 pm leaving his newly post-partum wife on her own with their brand new baby and a three-year old and it is now eight hours later and he isn't back, hasn't been in touch to check that she is OK and he hasn't even read her messages.

How is there any coming back from this?

Of course they don’t. They do have access to resources and expertise in post-partum issues, including safety for both mother and baby. If a dad is getting wasted and going awol on day 1 at home, and the mil (who has been turned to for support) is unwilling to see why this is a problem, the health visitor can make sure he understands the dangers of being drunk in care of a newborn, and what appropriate support of a postpartum mother looks like.

This is a weird dynamic. I never phone my MIL when my DH pisses me off.

This is a weird dynamic. I never phone my MIL when my DH pisses me off.

Not really sure what you want @Coffeecherrymama

Your dh is an asshole. So is his mum.
Neither respect you.
It won't change.

YAdefNBU.

Sick of MILs defending their childish sons. No wonder so many men have probs being adults.

Honestly though wonder why women have such low standards.

It's probably not going to get better OP. If it doesn't, you need to decide what you want to do. Waste your life on this guy who behaves like an AH or go have a good life without him.

I would imagine that a night on the tiles is probably at the bottom of OP's list of priorities. Realising that she is married to a man who doesn't give a shiny shite about his newly post-partum wife and his new baby should be her focus now.

I'm pretty sure that the hospital wouldn't have released OP to go home if they were aware that she would be left completely on her own with a new baby and a 3-year old. What if she started bleeding or the baby had breathing difficulties? He's a callous and uncaring cunt.

He’s acting outrageously and sounds like his Mum is part of the problem. He probably learned his attitude from his parents in childhood. Was he like this with your first?

My DH didn’t go out for months after each of our DC were born and when he did it was with me and GPs babysat. Had to persuade him to go as well, he didn’t want to leave the DC. He’s not some saint though, just a normal involved Dad. You have the right to expect the same from your DH and if he is incapable of that I would consider going it alone as you will be shouldering all the burden if you stay with him.

Well that explains it. He's literally a child.

I can't bare the lack of maturity of anyone under 30 these days. People seem very late to grow up and take responsibility for their lives.

Leaving your wife night one with a baby is appalling. Likely one of the most vulnerable times of her life and that's coming from someone that trots out "pregnancy isn't an illness, if you don't like it don't make the lifestyle choice to have them" on the regular

How are you feeling this morning 💐

Could you ask his Dad to drive out and make sure he is okay and take the drunk sod home to their place?
I would not be having a drunkard in a home with a newborn.
You don't need the worry of him loudly rolling around on the doorstep.

Also ask if MIL (if they live close by) would come over to stay and be emergency transport for you in case you need urgent attention.

The first months home, your husband should be prioritising his role as main carer to 3 year old and chief supporter of the newborn's mother.

If it was my DS and his partner, I'd be a bit baffled at being rung up in the first place and involved saying "get him to come home!"
Erm, he's not 5 anymore, you're both adults?!
I wouldn't be inserting myself into their relationship like that, that way lies madness and future resentment.
(Even though I'd completely agree he should be at home the night after you've both got a new baby and not out on the piss.

Your DH is a total asshole but this poster is right. I want to add that I think his behaviour is unbelievable and that you deserve so much more than he is giving you. You are young, think carefully over the next few months about this and also never confide in your MIL again - she is not your friend or impartial - she is actually a total bitch. I want to add that I never swear.

He is not literally a child.
He is literally an adult.
An adult with a toddler and a newborn.
I've no idea why this man thinks this is ok.

I think the worst aspect is not being in communication. The OP is vulnerable, as is the newborn, and the toddler could have become ill or had an accident.
Talk about absolving yourself of responsibility.

Asking to go out the first night is selfish. Then not replying or reading messages is even worse what a prick. What time did he get back?

Obviously this is the mil or one of his friends writing this twatist shite.
I would be reviewing this relationship as soon as I was stronger. Single parenthood is hard but at least you know where you are and make your own decisions..

Absolutely.

Ok, if he thinks his behaviour is so reasonable, hand him the baby one day and pop out for a few hours, but don't tell him when you're going to be back. Let him sweat

I suspect he'd get his mum round to look after the baby and go out with the lads