Daughter didn’t enjoy holiday

[Personil]

DH and I went on holiday with my DD (11). When asked if she enjoyed the holiday she says it was ok but was ruined by being left on her own for 2 hours every day. What she’s referring to is when we went for a siesta. Months later she’s saying she wouldn’t want to go again. WWBU?

Tbh I wouldn’t have enjoyed that sort of holiday either. Somewhere that’s so hot you need to sleep for 2 hours in the afternoon and then get up for evening ‘entertainment’ - not my cuppa tea. You’ve likely got a few more years of family holidays as she’s only 11 so I would talk to her about ideas for next year so she feels she has her views considered. I’m not saying she should dictate the whole thing but if it’s a family holiday, there needs to be something in it for everyone.

Yes they do, we have a lot of variety and a lot of favourite memories.

The OP’s daughter however said she didn’t like two hours of it a day, not that she didn’t like the evenings. That’s you and others extrapolating based on your own kids.

youre not a pair of babies who need bedded down for a daytime nap. Having kids is about putting their needs first. Selfish entitled behaviour - how would you two sleeping beauties have felt if she’d wandered out of the accommodation while you were ‘sleeping’. Ugh!

Bit weird on both sides. Cant your dd entertain herself for 2 hours? At home?

This! Why such early dinner and bed?! You just have been the only ones in the restaurant at that time!

I think you said that she only originally complained about the holiday when you asked after you got back home?
You then said that months later, she still mentions it.

Is it that she is really complaining about it still, still referring to it herself or is it that she is only answering in response to your repeated question ?

If she’s really that upset that she prefers to stay with granny rather than go on a family holiday with you, then I think you need to take some accountability for that and work hard to put that right. It is obviously troubling her. Why do you think that is?
Surely you want your daughter to enjoy her holiday as well as you and your DH?

I think you do sound quite detached from your daughter and her feelings. If she doesn’t like hugs with you, do you think that could be a communication from her to you that something isn’t quite right. Are you a warm affectionate mum towards her? Maybe that’s why you are asking about it here …wanting to know what is normal?

I would be doing all I could to get a bit closer to her OP.
She would certainly be my priority on holiday. And at home too.
I would never risk her feeling like an add-on or a spare part for any amount of time whether on holiday or not.

Let’s face it, at eleven years old, not every child is self-motivated or confident enough to entertain herself in a strange holiday set-up. And if she was up at 8 and was back in bed for 9, she definitely couldn’t be expected to nap like a toddler for two hours in the afternoon.
I think you could consider her feelings more, put her first, even if she is a quiet type.

Op, you could compromise and if you really need that much sleep to have a nap, split the time with your dh so that one of you was with her at the pool while the other napped for 1.5 hours each or something. That way she doesn't have to have an enforced boring bit of the day. My ds is the same age and could literally swim all afternoon and not feel tired. It probably felt a bit lonely for her.

Mini disco for an 11 years old?

@chocolatemademefat

you do realise that the girl is 11, not 2, right?

I always thought they were some sort of punishment. My parents, lying on a beach in the hot sun all day. Boring. It was never my thing.

I don't think I've ever had a nap on holiday - at least not unless I've fallen asleep on my sunbed round the pool. I think to actively go to bed for 2 hours in the afternoon is crazy and no wonder your daughter was bored. Especially going to bed at 9pm - We'd normally be out to at least 11pm and thats with younger kids.
Maybe suggest to her that next time you can do some more things that she would enjoy. Would she like a boat trip? A visit to a waterpark? What would she like to do more of on holiday?

Blimey. This is really poor show. You went on holiday as a family. Bless her bored shitless while you both nap like toddlers.

Next time you go away I would suggest staying awake all day like normal people or leave your daughter at home with trusted people to have more fun than with you bore offs.

Yep. This happened to me when I was a similar age , had to sit in the living room and listen to my parents have sex and then, just in case it wasn’t obvious my mum told me that when they said they were going for a lie down it meant they were having “sexual intercourse”.

I suppose, for us, there was no alternative. The alternative was my mother got me a bunch of Mills and Boons books when I was 12 and I read them in the hotel while they went to lie on the beach. We didn't get a say. It's hard when you and your parents like different kinds of holidays. Fortunately my children like our kinds of holidays, so not a problem I ever had.

ewwwww that is so gross and bordering on abusive

When you only have one child you need to tweak your expectations about holidays so the child doesn't get lonely. e.g. DH will take DC swimming while I have a nap or read, then I'll take DC for a walk with a picnic while DH gets some rest, and then we have times where we all do stuff together. For a lot of kids 2 hours is a long time with no conscious company.
Did you have alcohol in the sunshine to need a nap this long every afternoon?

@MrsJeanLuc

it’s really not sad. Not at all. What is sad is being dragged to stay in a shitty caravan in shitty morecambe every year as a ‘holiday’!

But generally those countries arent having dinner at five and bed at nine.

What a rude comment. Heaven forbid the parents might like a holiday too!

@TunnocksOrDeath

i really hope they weren’t consuming alcohol whilst on a family holiday. Who does that?!

Yes because people have a nap during the day because they tend to stay up later and eat later, that's why the locals also do it. They don't sleep for two hours then still go to bed at the same time. She'd likely have napped if they did and there wouldn't be an issue. Her holiday daily routine is crap and focused on her and her dh wants and needs not her child's. If she wants to go to bed at 9 there's absolutely no need to be ending their day at 2 and going to sleep for 2 hours, it's so selfish

Well I have autistic (adult) kids who would have preferred the two hours alone than going out.

Even so, I find these replies a bit odd. Surely a child that age can entertain themselves for two hours, especially when you'd been out all morning. The only thing I'd say is that it would limit the things you could do.

Where exactly does it say they're going to bed at 9?

What was she doing for those two hours in the living room? What was the tv offerings? Was it a case of the only English Chanel being National Geographic and the News.

was she told to be quiet and read for two hours whilst you napped. That’s a long time to sit still and creep around everyday for an 11 year old.

could you have gone and found some sun loungers by the pool so she splashed around and made holiday friends? Was there a kids club in the vicinity for that age group?

Would it have been possible to do something in the morning, something in the cool indoors in the afternoon, then have a short rest time and go out later again? I don't think kids need to be entertained all that time, especially at that age, and it's okay is not every activity is for everyone, as long as most suit the majority. Nothing against naps but two hours is very long.