Daughter didn’t enjoy holiday

[Personil]

DH and I went on holiday with my DD (11). When asked if she enjoyed the holiday she says it was ok but was ruined by being left on her own for 2 hours every day. What she’s referring to is when we went for a siesta. Months later she’s saying she wouldn’t want to go again. WWBU?

Where did you go op? And what sort of things did you do day to day? We had siestas last summer and all my kids were happy to either sleep or watch there portable dvd player. Did she have anything to watch tv eyc on?

It’s not at all unreasonable to sleep in the afternoon in a hot country on holiday OP. My family growing up defaulted to that rhythm, we were very active so would get up early and do things like climb a local hill for the sunrise or go and see some ruins whilst still cool in the early morning - and then we would stay up late for a 9pm dinner as is usual in countries like Spain. So a nap in the hottest part of the day just makes sense. As children we napped too or read, coloured etc.

I frequently do the same with my DC 9 +7 now on those sorts of trips. They don’t nap (I wish they would as they end up shattered by the end of the trip as they like the late nights too) but they will watch a film or have their iPad time. It’s good for everyone to be in the cool and quiet for a bit.

I wonder if being 11 she is a bit more aware of sex and it made her anxious in case she heard something? I know you weren’t having sex but I wonder if this was at the root of her difficulty with it. Potentially a lesson for next time to book somewhere with a teens club or a a smaller resort where she could go independently to the communal areas during your siesta.

Did you get up early so you could go on these trips and then were too tired to do anything and on the days you were just lazing by the pool why the need for the siesta.

I would have hated these holidays.

Why the need to get up early and go anywhere if it was going to wipe you out. Why couldn’t you have stayed by the pool and took it in turns to sleep.

I would suggest that either you need to rethink these type of holiday if you are not capable of getting through the day or both of you might need to see a doctor and find out why a mornings activity wiped you out

It gets hot in the uk. Do you normally have to leave work on those days so you can go home to sleep

And why do you call it siesta are you Spanish? If not it's cultural appropriation.

😂 Peak Mumsnet.

entertaining herself at home for 2hrs not a problem

but for a weeks holiday 2hrs in hotel room etc every day is extreme

she prob wanted to be in the pool in the sun or on the beach or even for a walk etx

guess thr question is @Personil now you know dd wasn’t happy. Would you do things diff next year

take a friend for her
not nap
only one of you nap
nap for an hour

or …..

I don't see anything wrong with a 11 years old being two hours chilling after lunch in a hot place in their room with their parent in the near room other than she must to be bored if she didn't want to rest. But boredom is also part of life, isn't it?
She didn't like that part and that is ok because she was bored.
In a very hot day, after a busy morning and lunch going to a silent, shady place to sleep like a log during the hottest hours is a pleasure, obviously no for a 11 years who wants to do stuff.

Suggest a different type of holiday next time?
One that doesn’t involve such long naps? My husband has always power napped since the day I met him, 15 minutes, 30 at most if he’s had a busy morning. He says any longer serves no purpose otherwise.

Do I take it you stayed up very late in the evening to need these long naps every day? Did your daughter stay up later too?

Include your daughter in the holiday making next time so she can see what would be available to her while you waste your holiday napping. May as well have stayed at home, if it had been me.

When we were on holiday in Egypt with my 7,DS, (all inclusive and I’m not a napper) he was very keen to go and lie down in his nice cool room with his game for a couple of hours, I sat outside in the sun.
There were plenty of things he could have done, but preferred to have some down time.

As a kid, I’d have been off on independent exploration- my mum was a napper, so at 11 would definitely have gone out and left her to it. Different times , different place though I guess.
But unless you told her to stay sitting on her own, with no books, games and not allowed to leave it’s not unreasonable to have a couple of hours off.

Your daughter didn’t understand the concept of the day being organised differently in a very hot country.
That is, early breakfast in the cool of the day and late dinner after the sun has gone down. And to rest and do quiet jobs during the heat of the day, well away from the damaging sun.
She is only 11 years old, after all. How confusing for her.

What did you do and say to help her understanding and get her used to it before you went and while you were there?

I think that a two hour sleep during siesta time is long even for the locals unless they are elderly. Did you actually mean to sleep that long ?

You could have napped for an hour and read/played/chatted with her for the other hour, or taken it in turns to sit in the cool of the reception area and enjoy an iced drink.

Your very short comments make me wonder if your daughter doesn’t have a point in answering honestly, when asked, how she felt lonely and fed up for two hours every day.
She just wasn’t used to being alone and left to her own devices while her parents slept (ignored her.)

Shes already said she’ll stay with her grandma next time.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be inside in a cool place for the hottest part of the day. We did this in France as it was 30 degrees blazing heat and just too hot for us. So we stayed in the air con for a couple of hours. Dh slept, the kids and I just read. They were happy with it. Having said that, I wouldn’t do the holiday again as it was limiting. There was very little shade and we all found the sun very intense so didn’t do as much as we’d planned. Dd were 10 and 12.

I would expect an 11yo to be fine for a couple of hours - it was probably the pace or nature of the holiday overall that bothered your dd?

This is why I don’t take my son on every holiday I go on. My sister goes away without my nephews once a year as well.

Our family holidays are for them - big, busy events with loads of activities. Then we go away ourselves for a lie down and some peace and quiet!

If that wasn’t possible (it isn’t every year for us), we’d just come back from the family holiday tired, and suck it up.

I’m a grownup, I’ve had my chaotic holidays wearing my mum out, family holidays are for the memories with our son and are centred around him. He is after all, the child.

Yeah some of these responses are frankly, bizarre.

I am curious - the people who are horrified, did you require your parents to entertain you constantly at age 11? like, were you incapable of doing anything at all at age 11 without mummy and daddy?

I did plenty on my own at age 11 and my parents certainly didnt helicopter over me when I returned home from school at 3pm to ensure I was entertained constantly until bed time. Who does that?

Yeah, old people never go for naps do they?

🤭

No screens but she did have books

I don’t helicopter my son, he’s in his bedroom right now playing - I can hear him opening and closing an interactive book.

But when I’ve paid hundreds/thousands of pounds to take him on a holiday, I’d like to spend it with him and have him actually enjoy it.

That might be sitting with a drink while he jumps in and out of the pool, but I wouldn’t centre a holiday I’m taking him on around adults, because he’s 9 years old and I took him on holiday to give him an experience he can’t have at home.

He can read a book and watch his iPad today. When he’s on holiday in the summer, I want him doing different things that he can’t do here, or else I wouldn’t have taken him.

I think it’s fine that she said she didn’t love it btw. I mean she didn’t say, don’t dare do it again. She said, I didn’t like that part that much. I think it’s the posters on here that are nuts, not the parents or the kid in this family.
is she at secondary school? What does she do after school every day?
do the posters who wouldnt leave an 11 year old have children’s entertainers booked between 3.30 and when their parents get back from work?

If this was directed at me, then not IRL no. I don't believe in forcing kids to express gratitude they don't feel. But I'm aware some people feel that gratitude is an important value to instil, so I was just trying to illustrate there are ways you can prompt children to think about different perspectives on things without shaming or trying to force them into feeling or expressing something they don't feel to please a parent.

I am also an ex CAMHS psychologist, so yeah, I do probably sound like one!

I feel they may have been desperate for something and that was not sleep. Selfish adults and shitty lazy parenting.

That’s fine if you’re at home with all your stuff, possibly mates, tv, snacks etc. This kid was stuck in a Spanish apartment on her own with just books for company.

And it’s not like she kicked off, or didn’t cope with it. Just said that she didn’t enjoy the holiday.

I think that shows maturity tbh. To dutifully endure something you don’t like but then be bravely honest with parents who clearly didn’t consider their daughter’s feelings in the first place.

Why is it a "different thing if you live there"? Spanish people have a siesta because the sun is so strong at that time of day and it tires you out so they nap during the day hottest part of the day.

The weather would affect anyone in the country at that particular time, heat doesnt only affect you if you live in a country - in fact, if you arent acclimatised to it, its likely to affect you more not less 😆

All these insults about siesta- would you tell a Spanish person they are stupid, not normal, wasting their life away? 🤔

But when I’ve paid hundreds/thousands of pounds to take him on a holiday, I’d like to spend it with him and have him actually enjoy it.

So having a nap means the entire holiday is ruined? and you cant enjoy a holiday if you have a nap? that makes zero sense.

She is spoiled. I wouldn’t pay attention to it whatsoever.

at 11 she’s perfectly able to entertain herself for couple of hours every day, she doesn’t need constant entertainment by parents

I’m sorry OP she sounds ungrateful. She’s sulking because she had to entertain herself for two whole hours? That is bratty. She had access to books.

Ignore the people saying you shouldn’t have gone for a siesta, it’s your holiday too.

At least you can save yourself the faff and expense of taking her with you again.

That sounds awful. Everyone else is probably by the pool of the beach, and she’s having to stay inside reading whilst her parents act like OAPs and need a nap. Think she’s got the right idea staying home next time!