To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

[InkyB]

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate. We usually have DSC every other weekend and half the school holidays plus Wednesday nights, and we have a draft plan for next year already, but are usually flexible both ways. She books her holidays very early because she’s far more organised than us!

One of the holidays she’s booked is a four night trip over Mother’s Day, so we’d have them Weds-Sun evening. It wasn’t supposed to be our weekend at all.

For context the children involved will be (future ages) DSS11, DSD10, our DD3 and she has a DS4.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

Firstly DSC both have clubs on Sunday morning so it’d mean being out with one of them all morning, cooking a rushed lunch then DH driving them back in the late afternoon and getting back after DD’s bedtime.
Secondly, DSC are often mopey about their mum doing stuff with her youngest and not them, so it’d be a weekend of reassuring them and pretending Mother’s Day doesn’t exist.
Finally, I’d like a Mother’s Day where DH’s focus is on me and our child, not running around after his ex?

And you don’t feel depressed about the mother dumping her kids on this day?? So warped

Just say you can't do that weekend as you have plans, she has plenty of time to make alternative arrangements.

Don’t take these posts seriously op. You shouldn’t have bothered. You will still be seen worse than the actual mother who is dumping her children. Don’t be this woman’s fool running around her. Her kids, she sorts them out. You deserve to have this day with your own child to who you are the mother.

Dumping her children with their Dad?!

She didn’t create them alone, they are also his kids!

You’re right, that’s what we’ll do.

We almost always say yes to extra days and schedule changes, firstly because DH wants extra time and secondly because in the past she’s made it an emotional situation by telling DSC we don’t want them. So I feel guilty saying no.

I voted YABU because it is a made up day which can be ' celebrated' at any time.

If you need to look forward to one day in a year to receive attention and gratitude, the fair enough but it's a bit of a non event for anyone bar card shops and pubs/restaurants.

He’s not their mother though is he!

Last year DSD’s teacher pulled him aside to say she’d been upset in class about not spending Mother’s Day with her mum, and asked him if he would consider a swap so she could. Their mum had already refused it!

It’s a shame you entered into a blended family arrangement when you feel they are an inconvenience.

Any decent dad would be pleased to spent extra time with his children but if you and he find it inconvenient then I guess
you need to tell her.

I actually sorry for the children if their father and SM find them inconvenient and their mother apparently only wants them for maintenance and benefits.

And it’s not like it is last minute.

No, he is their father, other parent. She’s putting it on him.

No but he is their father and should be pleased to spend extra time with them.

I agree with others that saying no would be petty, saying yes but that you’d like Mother’s Day going forward would be a positive solution.

Yeah this is what I’ll be doing as long as DH agrees. If he doesn’t I’ll take DD away and be having cross words about prioritising his ex over me on the one day a year I want.

No dumping them on Mother’s Day when it clearly means something to her own children.
and dumping the two kids yet choosing only to take one child. The new child with her new husband. Yet no one is mentioning that.

Its a year’s notice of holiday plans.

She probably doesnt realise its Mother's Day. I have a vague idea of what time of year it falls, but it wouldn't be on my radar when making other plans a year in advance.

Mother’s Day is just a made up date, as is any date really you can have a special day with just your child any other day. Same should be said to the step kids, big fuss over nothing.

I get that you loathe his ex but it’s a shame that their father isn’t delighted to spend more time with them.

My Husbands ex done this constantly, she loved to ignore their 3 children and concentrate on the "new family" as she called. Have the children that weekend but don't have them the following weekend which would normally be the weekend you have the children, i mean after all she will be desperate to see them and spend time with them.

I should probably say for context that we always have them for Father’s Day and she and her new husband always go away with their child. That means sometimes we have DSC three weekends in a row then too. But this is absolutely fine because everyone gets to spend time with their dad.

On Father’s Day I always go all out and arrange a weekend away for all of us, presents and make cards.

She clearly doesn’t see Mothers Day as some sacred day (is that because she apparently only wanted them for the money).

If you split with your partner, would you not want him to want to spend extra time with your shared child without it being some huge pain on the ass?

You’re not the bio mum OP so YOURE WRONG YOURE WRONG
🤣🤣🤣
totally get why you’re annoyed, I say this as a mum, step mum and step child.

I feel sorry for the children if they already feel left out. I do think its odd to not spend mothers' day with your children. An influencer posted videos of herself freezing around a pool alone at some spa this year and it looked miserable.

I am usually on the side of the step mother but this is a shit situation for the kids and they are old enough to realise

Being dumped on us, feeling upset and left out, is also bad for them (like it was last year)