To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

[InkyB]

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate. We usually have DSC every other weekend and half the school holidays plus Wednesday nights, and we have a draft plan for next year already, but are usually flexible both ways. She books her holidays very early because she’s far more organised than us!

One of the holidays she’s booked is a four night trip over Mother’s Day, so we’d have them Weds-Sun evening. It wasn’t supposed to be our weekend at all.

For context the children involved will be (future ages) DSS11, DSD10, our DD3 and she has a DS4.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

Firstly DSC both have clubs on Sunday morning so it’d mean being out with one of them all morning, cooking a rushed lunch then DH driving them back in the late afternoon and getting back after DD’s bedtime.
Secondly, DSC are often mopey about their mum doing stuff with her youngest and not them, so it’d be a weekend of reassuring them and pretending Mother’s Day doesn’t exist.
Finally, I’d like a Mother’s Day where DH’s focus is on me and our child, not running around after his ex?

I have a step child and have my own children, I know that feeling of DSC wanting to be with their mum, but I still plan something nice and celebrate with her which she ends up enjoying. I am not her mum and don’t try to be, but we can still do nice things together on Mother’s Day or any other day.

Oh come on, she has them the majority of the time and has given you almost a years notice. Mothers day is just another day. Play it down and it should be ok.

“I’ll let you have Mother’s Day” is insane, he’s their father.

She’s being cruel to her older children. Can’t you push back and say sorry, we’ve already made plans with our kids.

She needs to get in the habit of spending Mother’s Day with all her children.

I try and avoid Mother’s Day as much as possible. I have a good few children. They are delighted I’m not about as well.
I can’t believe any of you would even notice holidays planned on Mother’s Day.

Treat it like a normal day

I think this idea of ‘mother’s day’ is just a bit bizarre. A card and an arrangement for a special day another time is surely fine for adults. This dictatorship of special days is so commercialized. Can a mum not be made a fuss of on another elected day?

If it matters to you then maybe say no? I mean you are suffering from being strapped to a hyper organized person - in itself a kind of tyranny.

All these replies, saying the mums given 10 months notice so suck it up and let her have a holiday, are wild. She could book her holiday for the following weekend and avoid all this upset and inconvenience.

If she's booked without checking dates first, then I'd simply say that doesn't work for you. Her problem to sort.

Cruel?? It’s fairly cruel that she apparently only wants the benefits and the father views them as an inconvenience.

Why does she ‘need to get into the habit’?

I’m on your side here. The mum is unreasonable if she wants to celebrate mother’s day by going away with 1 kid and leaving the others behind. Poor kids, I can see why they then don’t want to celebrate with you if their mum doesn’t want them.

What about the extra time which you both see as an inconvenience? would you expect him to be pleased to be able to spend extra time with your child?

Haven't read the entire thread...am I alone in not giving a toss about Mothers Day? It's just a Hallmark occasion now in which the retailers benefit. My kids can appreciate me spontaneously at any time...and I'd enjoy that more.

Yabu to be that fussed about it imo.

Don't have kids with a man with kids, if you don't want to have the responsibility of step kids!! Celebrate mothers day all eyes on you on any other day of the year.

The point people are trying to make here is the OP sympathies are not with the Step children, they are with herself and having to amend her own plans 10 months away.

These children are surplus to requirements everywhere they go, but the real tragedy is OP has to do a few sports practice trips instead of spending the day with her bio kid.

My heart breaks for those kids and kids of blended families.

Avoided all the upset and inconvenience of what? Mothers Day?
It would never occur to me to postpone a holiday for Mothers Day. I think THAT'S weird.

I’d hope we could arrange a mutually convenient schedule without the added guilt tripping and upset children

You are making way too much of this.

Apparently the inconvenience to both parents of having the children

Hopefully she’ll cancel or amend her holiday dates, because that’s the best outcome for DSC

I would just book my own trip with my child, let thier dad look after them?

I get that you loathe the ex but the children are old enough to see they are an inconvenience and that each parent has a shiny new child to spend time with.

I feel sad for those children, but you are not unreasonable OP, you really aren’t.

Best outcome for you too apparently

Sorry it’s Mothers Day, it’s not some kind of magical sacred day, I’m sure you’ll be fine. If you don’t want to be with your stepkids do something alone with your kids.

A great way to reinforce to them that they are leftovers of "old family" and both parents just want rid of them.

OP you have a DH problem. If you want a break on mother's day he should be facilitating this. If you want your DC to bring you breakfast in bed he should be doing this.

Just do mother's day a different weekend at your house. If you want to go out for a nice Sunday lunch or something, you'll be able to go when places are a little less busy, too.