AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

[Thattimeagain88]

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

It was the “Do you either of you even like it each other” as an opening statement …….as if this is a 50/50 situation which it isn’t …DH is a nasty creature

This sounds like what my dad is like with my mum. :(

And you are with him because....??

Asking whether you like each other isn't ascribing any actions to either person. You've misunderstood - hopefully I've explained it clearly now.

Did you think I was asking if either of them were likeable? Because that's different, and I wasn't asking that.

How soon can you get out of this marriage, it is damaging to your self esteem and you should not put up with him saying you're thick, that's shocking.

ETA I have thought about leaving and financially I could. I have a good job, earn about the same as him and would happily downsize if I had to although selling the house would be upsetting for all.

please think seriously about leaving and downsizing. It really won't be as upsetting as you think.

it will be liberating!

Well you are in a verbally abusive relationship. He is a cunt. What are you going to do now? My first port of call would be solicitor for some advice.

What a truly nasty piece of work. I doubt he has the capacity to change given the total lack of respect and anger issues so Id be looking to get out of the relationship as soon as possible....I say relationship, it sounds like you are just a verbal punching bag at this point!
When I think of my parents in similar situations (mother is dyslexic and also crap with numbers!) they would both be crying with laughter at cock ups and provide themselves with in jokes that lasted for years!

The fact that your 11 year old now feels he has to tell his dad to be quiet when he’s trying to demean you should be the very last straw. End this today.

Why the heck are you still with this sorry excuse for a man? What attracted you to him in the first place?

Your Husband is teaching your children that this is an ok way to treat others! Is this how you want your children treated when they’re adults?

Why are you in a relationship with a man who demeans you and despises you?

Think about what you’re teaching your kids about relationships and marriage. Would you want this for them? I feel very sad for you and your children.

'he said it was my fault'

Abusers always tell you it's your fault in order to justify their abuse. My ex told me that I must enjoy it, because it was my fault for making him angry and if I didn't make him angry he wouldn't have to hit me.

I’m so sorry, this is abusive, luckily you are financially stable to leave. He is in turn also abusing your children. You and your children deserve a happy and peaceful life away from this. Lean on family and friends for support. Also contact women’s aid. Please take action before he destroys your children’s childhood any further xx

Does he treat his extended family/friends/colleagues this way? I'd bet not!

Perhaps record his rants and show them. He's choosing to be this way, it's not your fault.

I had one of these. It took me ages to get there. But I can promise you, that first weekend in my downsized house, drinking coffee looking down my garden whilst my then 4 year old was asleep still, knowing that no one was ever going to call me stupid, fat or a cunt ever again was the most amazing feeling I've ever had. I remember telling my exH I wanted a divorce and him saying but I love you, and my response being, you don't even like me.
I'm 9 years down the line. I wouldn't change a single thing.