AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

[Thattimeagain88]

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

Leave. You can't overestimate the damage this is doing to your children.

@Thattimeagain88 I’m surprised you have to ask. Of course it’s unacceptable.

He sounds like a total prick. What is he bringing to the table in terms of positives?

What does he say when you tell him you won't stand for him treating you and speaking to you like the dirt off his shoe?

Tell him to speak respectfully or use the door permanently. But anyone who speaks that way has no respect for themselves or others anyway.

Why is he involving you in this measurements shit?

One person measures, notes it down and orders the new machine.

I’m genuinely just not interested in what you think of my posts. But that really shouldn’t bother you in the slightest.

and following the update - the fact he directs it towards his own children, I totally stand by my comments

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who clearly hates you?

And model staying with an abuser and putting up with vile verbal abuse to your children?

Please see legal advice and make a plan to leave.

Let him to be free to find someone "brighter".

Honestly, sounds a complete prick.

What an utterly miserable way to go through life. He neither loves nor likes you, in fact he clearly despises you.

He sounds as if he has little man syndrome , bigging himself up while belittling others to make himself feel like a bigger man.

He has absolutely no respect for you, you are not his verbal punchbag while he vents his frustration, even if you were to misunderstand each other , he has no right to be abusive to you.

I would make it clear in no uncertain terms that from this point forward your not tolerating his abusive behaviour and are no longer prepared to be his verbal punchbag, he either changes his ways or you will divorce him.

Personally I’d divorce the twat.!

The fact that your young daughter is calling him out is really, really not good. She should not be policing her father’s behaviour. It is traumatic for her and it is not a point of pride.
You are a senior analyst, the brain power, the finances and resources to live away from this man.
He is an absolute pig.

That’s fine. I’m don’t really care whether you do or not.

If you care so much about these children, the best way to help them is by supporting their mother. You’re doing the opposite of that. I think you care more about making the OP feel guilty for the actions of a man, rather than having a genuine concern for the dc.

Get out of this marriage ASAP. He is an abuser.
Protect your children from this behaviour.

Op you sound worn down. Decimated.

But you need to galvanise yourself to leave because this is nasty nasty abuse

hush now

Op a house is bricks and mortar. Your children’s emotional health and wellbeing are far more important. Your children won’t bat an eye at moving to a safe, calm house where they don’t need to be dragged into their dad’s abuse of their mother. This will cause lasting damage to them, I guarantee you that from experience x

@Thattimeagain88 you deserve so much better, as do your kids. You deserve respect and love at the very least.
Get the hell away from this dickhead as soon as possible.

moving on…

you can do this Op. you have a good job. You can do this and do this you must.

Please listen to this

OP, this is so awful for your children.
Surely you can see that?
Is this really all you want for them?
Memories of their house terrorist father verbally abusing their mother?

Childhoods like this last a lifetime, your children will never forget this.

Reach out for support and get this abuser out.
Do it for your children if not yourself.

OP you need to stop thinking about leaving and start putting the wheels in motion. A house is just a house. You and the children would be just as happy in another house, without you having to put up with his abuse. Don't let your children grow up with this as their example of how relationships are. You and they deserve better 💐

Is he too thick to fix the washing machine ?

Honestly, a small, calm, happy and peaceful house is always better than your alternative. Life really is too short to put up with that level of shit behaviour any longer.

Op, do not pay any attention to people who victim blame and clearly have no understanding of how abuse wears you down.

Some people live charmed lives and that, coupled with a lack of empathy, means they will say crappy things to you. But this isn’t your fault.

You are worth far more than what this man is giving you. What support do you have around you?

You can do this OP. You can. It is so good you have a good job. Can you confide in a friend in RL?