AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

[Thattimeagain88]

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

Please, OP, seek legal advice and real life support to get yourself and your children away from this man. It is abuse and it has clearly ground you down. It's not good for your kids to be in this environment.

Urrgghh this is exactly my ex. It took me a long time to leave. You will do it eventually! And then you will realize like CAN be good xxx

For the love of Christ and the sake of your children: LEAVE THAT BASTARD.

Urrgghh this is exactly my ex. It took me a long time to leave. You will do it eventually! And then you will realize life CAN be good xxx

This is just awful. Your poor children having to listen to this.

Please protect the rest of their childhood and leave with them.

Just make your plans and get out.

From someone whose dad was like this, please leave. My mum didn't and I will never understand why. I have so much trauma from my childhood.

Why on earth are you staying? Your poor children. ‘They fuck you up, your mum and dad…’

They deserve to be raised in a happy, loving home. You deserve better than this.

What on earth is this as an interpretation of what OP said? There is no equivalence in his behaviour no matter how you try and twist it

I put up with identical behaviour for far too long. When I escaped with my children, I realised I wasn't holding my breath any more. 😌

I wonder what that must feel like. My life is a bit like OPs and some days I can’t even comprehend a relationship like yours

You could start by giving Women’s Aid a call. I found them really helpful.

You need to leave him.
there are children witnessing this abuse and you don’t deserve it either.

I truly wish you better for the future. You deserve better than living in an environmental like that.

Haven't RTFT but I'm psychic so I know 99% will be telling you to leave. Me as well. Leave.

What a sad excuse for an adult he sounds OP..mood, overly emotional and argumentative. If someone was taking measurements for a washing machine and shouted and 8 hundred figure I'd have thought he'd lost the plot.
It sounds like you (and your capability) make him feel insecure so he has a personal imperative to destroy your confidence...no good man / person would have this need.

He is abusive and has zero respect for you, he certainly doesn't love or even like you. And that will never change.

I hope you are strong enough to get out of this relationship for yourself and your children.

I would be making an appointment with a solicitor and filing for divorce.

This is horrific, and it is a terrible atmosphere to bring your children up in. They will lose all respect for you if you keep subjecting them to a situation where their father constantly tells them you are 'thick' - and imagine what it is modelling to them about the way relationships work.

So damaging. Please end this marriage, he won't change.

@Thattimeagain88 it just sounds worse from your update.

But, thankfully, you are not in a bad situation financially and could possibly leave which is absolutely what I think you should do.

You sound quite worn down.

If it was happening to your DC (or anyone you care about) would you think it was ok? There's your answer.

He does it BECAUSE you're clever. A feeble little excuse for an adult like him is threatened by a smart woman. I thought as soon as I read it, "she earns the same as him or more". Pathetic.

If he can't measure AND write stuff down, he's the thick one.

Please leave this man. Get any evidence of his abuse you can contact womens aid ,do something. Leave this pig of a man ,for your children at least poor things

If the only reason you’re staying is selling the house would be too upsetting for everyone, you need to split and start living your best life.
How dare he call you stupid and belittle you, time to go, your children will be soaking this behaviour in and either copying it in their future relationships or be anxious/low self esteem.
Threatening to go as though you would miss him/struggle without him, if help him
pack….
My DH only ever packed a bag once after a row, shortly after the arrival of our first child when I didn’t comment on it or beg him to stay and instead told him if he left he wouldn’t be coming back he never did it again.
Your DH sounds like a hideous person to live with.

Please, @Thattimeagain88 , if you can't find the strength to leave him for yourself, please, please, do it for your children. My sister and I grew up in a household where our dad verbally abused our mum, and us, all the time... thick, stupid, fat, smelly, useless... the list goes on. My mum still maintains she stayed with him for "us" and that he wasn't that bad and didn't verbally abuse us, really. She didn't, she stayed with him because it all seemed too overwhelming to go it alone and it was easier to pretend all was well. When he did eventually leave, life was a million times better, but I was a late teenager then, my sister a few years older, and the damage was done.

As an adult, I do understand, and I have some sympathy, but I really, really wish she had found the strength somehow. I'm doing okay, it made me stronger and rebel against him and I knew exactly what I didn't want in a man. My husband is the total opposite of my dad and has never even raised his voice to me, much less hurled abuse. My sister has not been so lucky and has very poor mental health due to the trauma of being put down, ridiculed and verbally abused and has married a man who is basically our dad. Breaks my heart.

I am so angry on your behalf. Please find your rage.

You are financially secure so why on earth are you with this pitiful specimen of a man?

Your children are going to grow up thinking that this is the correct way to speak to your spouse. Is that ok with you?

A partner is meant to enhance your life. This guy is making your life worthless

Bin him off.

Life is too short to live like that. Are you just going to live your life like this forever?