AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

[Thattimeagain88]

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

Blimey, you poor thing. He sounds horrible. I don’t know how you have put up with this treatment for so long. You must be so miserable. 😞

YANBU. He is being VVVVU. As you can afford to leave, it might be the best thing to do sooner rather than later. He's obviously awful and energy sucking. as well as negatively impacting your kids.. The thing that'll be most upsetting is the split childcare / impact on them. It sounds like you would be 50/50. I guess that's the clincher. Is it better to bring them up in a happier environment? Probably x

Agree and same. She probably is at least as successful if not more, or has more education or something else that is wounding his fragile little ego.

I also suspect that they’ve been together from a young age, possibly teenagers/since school. So they started the relationship so young that they were relative equals and she has since outpaced him, while he’s built up resentment and anger all the way.

You can leave him, OP. You are more than strong enough, even if it seems scary because you’ve been together for so long.

What the fuck?!

You need to stand up to this awful bully, and it's really important that your kids see you standing up to him, as otherwise they will learn that it's ok to just accept someone belittling you and verbally abusing you, which it isn't!

Next time he does it, glare at him and with a firm voice say "how DARE you speak to me like that. You either apologise or leave, as I will NOT be spoken to like that".

He and you by staying are setting a terrible example to your children. He is an awful man.

I don’t get why you’re with this man, he’s vile and he literally hates you!

You could have the lowest IQ in the country, it doesn’t mean he gets to shout and scream at you.

Could he possibly be having an affair?

The amount of resentment he has for you is not normal and there must be something other than simply not liking you.

He’s abusive, OP. There’s no way up from that.

Time for the bin 🗑️

Please start to make plans to leave this man very soon for your children and for you

why not start now

im sure a few years ago you would not have asked this question but you are now starting to doubt yourself and it will become harder and harder to leave

you and your children deserve better and that is in your reach

Abusive men can't stand intelligent women so it's obvious to me that you are a very smart woman and your husband is an abusive twat who keeps calling you stupid because he's trying to lower your self esteem enough that you'll happily stay with him. Show him just how smart you are by leaving him the stupid twat

Op you believe you don't have common sense because your husband puts you down so much... you need to plan to escape fro,m him.

@Thattimeagain88 I read your OP and by the time I finished, I realised I hate your H on your behalf!

What a complete tool. Horrid man. He’s putting his insecurities onto you - 8.5 m L or H washing machine and f**king up form filling. He’s the thicko.

Time to leave OP. You’re way too smart to stick with an a.hole your entire life.

Sorry I have no idea what you mean? I wasn't translating OP's post or suggesting any equivalence?

I wouldn't like this man (because he sounds like a bully) and it doesn't sound like he likes her (because he is bullying her) . So I was suggesting a choice needs to be made about whether they continue to live together.

it’s domestic abuse. ExDP used to do exactly this. OP, talk to Women’s Aid. Maybe your GP too - mine was very kind and understanding.

I honestly don't understand what's keeping you there. The house? There are other houses and they don't contain bullying wankers.

Your post made me want to cry. It’s so, so wrong that you are being treated this way.

I think you need to show him how intelligent you are and divorce him. You are your DC should not put up with this hateful man!

My word! Why are you living like this?

spot on - leave this dreadful man

I’m voted YABU purely for you staying with that dickhead. Do you want your children growing up listening to that??

I couldn’t live like this. He’s going to make you ill walking on egg shells like this, he’ll have a detrimental effect on your children. It takes tremendous courage, but it sounds like your life would improve 10 fold without this bully. Good luck.

So sorry to read this. The good news is that you are financially secure which is a huge positive. You know in your heart that this is a turning point. You’re a smart, capable woman who’s ready for her next chapter without this useless creature. Best of luck as you break free. There will be plenty of support here for you.

Strongly believe you’ll be better off without him, OP. I know a move like that is always really hard but you’ve got this! Onwards to a better life

You are fortunate because you can afford to leave him. And you definitely must because you deserve better than a man who talks to you with utter contempt.

It's not the same but my paternal grandparents constantly mocked my mum's intelligence in front me , as a child and my dad said nothing. We saw them frequently and they eventually turned nasty towards me too. Emotional abuse and bullying is awful for a child to witness and experience. You can do better and your children deserve to grow up without seeing their mum constantly torn down. I'd be leaving your partner and I say that as a single parent