To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

[Unher10]

… when it comes to life being hard.

I have 2 kids under 4 and a husband and general family support. Husband works long hours which means I can stay at home and we do not have financial worries but equally I wouldn’t say we are wealthy in the sense that a cleaner etc would be too much of a luxury.

I am really struggling and feel like my parents don’t give a shit. My sister is a single parent to one child age 2 and is back at work, her daughter is in nursery four days a week and my sister works from home whenever she likes while also having a social life with work stuff.

Even though she has a huge income and hefty CMS payments, time to herself when niece’s dad spends time with her AND she has flexibility at work so can shop and go to the gym in peace during her lunch hour…my parents still feel sorry for her and will be at her beck and call if she needs anything, even though she rarely does!!!!

I have said I am not managing and fed up being with one or two children all day every day and they say sister doesn’t complain and she’s a single parent… literally anything I say the answer is she is a single parent and she copes so why can’t I. How are our situations even comparable?!??

I am close to my sister and wouldn’t say this to her as she’s been through a lot and I love her but the perspective that I have it all great in comparison in the eyes of my family just takes the piss. I don’t know what im asking really. Just want to let out my feelings as I feel so down today.

She worked her way up. So could you have. You choose otherwise. And are continuing to choose otherwise. Being willing to do anything would include putting in the work.

Anything except making sensible career choices and working hard, apparently.

@TheCheeseTax she gets every Saturday and every other Wednesday to herself as well
as the time when she is in nursery, in contrast I am parenting non stop. You are basically sounding like my parents with that comment which is entirely the point of my post. Being single shouldn’t trump everything

Well what would you do? Aren’t there free nursery hours?

That's just so snarky.

This has got to be a reverse. No one is this lacking in self-awareness, surely?

Jealousy is the thief of joy.

So your husband never gets a day off? He could have the kids?

Can’t your husband give you the equivalent amount of breaks as her ex does?

Whether by parenting with you when you’re together (I find people in couples too easily disregard this huge benefit) or by taking things in turns on weekends?

@McSpoot right so how is that comment supposed to help? I know I could have chosen differently I am saying that my parents seem to think my life is perfect in contrast to my sisters purely on the basis of our marital status

Comparison is the thief of joy.

If you want to work then go back to work though.

Have you ever considered she has no choice in working? She might like to be a SAHM like you are but couldn’t afford to do so.

I agree with the sentiment that single parents don't necessarily have it hard. I know a single mum whose ex does 50/50...she also has a supportive extended family. She has a pretty great life in all honesty and is always on long childfree holidays

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing we used to
do this but it’s become much harder since having a second

@Upearlyaseva yes that’s my point! My life is so much harder at the moment and my parents don’t give a shit

I came to say this OP.

For some the maths just doesn't work.

You get some people OP who will just jump on you with this thread as you are a sahm, which is often seen as some sort of indecent luxury.

Why’s your life harder? Why can’t you go back to work?

@Comedycook thanks. I just needed someone to recognise this. I feel like I am
going mad with how our lives are portrayed by my parents

@Upearlyaseva used to but much harder with two

Both of you are parents which at times can be difficult. You and your sister have different challenges but it doesn't mean it's any less difficult for her or you. I'm a sahm too so I understand the challenges.