To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

[Unher10]

… when it comes to life being hard.

I have 2 kids under 4 and a husband and general family support. Husband works long hours which means I can stay at home and we do not have financial worries but equally I wouldn’t say we are wealthy in the sense that a cleaner etc would be too much of a luxury.

I am really struggling and feel like my parents don’t give a shit. My sister is a single parent to one child age 2 and is back at work, her daughter is in nursery four days a week and my sister works from home whenever she likes while also having a social life with work stuff.

Even though she has a huge income and hefty CMS payments, time to herself when niece’s dad spends time with her AND she has flexibility at work so can shop and go to the gym in peace during her lunch hour…my parents still feel sorry for her and will be at her beck and call if she needs anything, even though she rarely does!!!!

I have said I am not managing and fed up being with one or two children all day every day and they say sister doesn’t complain and she’s a single parent… literally anything I say the answer is she is a single parent and she copes so why can’t I. How are our situations even comparable?!??

I am close to my sister and wouldn’t say this to her as she’s been through a lot and I love her but the perspective that I have it all great in comparison in the eyes of my family just takes the piss. I don’t know what im asking really. Just want to let out my feelings as I feel so down today.

Makes me sick how we have the phrase "working mums" yet no one says "working dads." Just goes to show how, even after many decades of feminism, it's STILL the norm for women to take the financial hit of having children. And I don't see men repaying that sacrifice by being good team mates and by not cheating. In the old days, when women gave up work to raise kids, at least marriage was more secure. There were far, far fewer divorces. But with so many men being more entitled than ever, it's crazy for women to take the financial hit, and yet so many do. By entitled I mean feeling entitled to leave the housework, cooking, management, and mental load to their wives, while feeling entitled to sex or to stick it in someone else if they want, and to look at porn etc. Yes, NAMALT, I know, but the vast majority of men do have a prince complex to some extent.

I know, right. Thank goodness OP’s sister was career focused anyway, because she can support her child on her own and has security and options and choices as a result.

I don’t know what is wrong, in 2026, with making sure you can financially support your children. With making sure you can show them what work achieves and providing as best you can for them. It’s such a shame women with careers are still disparaged like this. I doubt the posters would have the same comments for a man who is career focused and doing his best to support the family

don't be silly now, of course not. A dad that works all the hours, away for weeks at time, never there for bedtime or school pick up is simultaneosly a devoted, engaged father that has a super close relationship with his children.

A mother's place is in the wrong though.

It gets easier (I have a 16 & 10 year old). My DH has always worked at unreasonable hours, times and often misses out because of it but he provides.
My parents would love to help out more but they also work non stop. His parents are too far to help with any day to day stuff.
Once they hit school age, focus on doing something for just you.
I stopped at two kids because I knew the situation I was in. It's hard graft but if you want change, you have to make some tough choices.

Try to focus on what you and your dh can do to make the situation more manageable.

Comparison is pointless, your situations are different, you're different people. Your situation doesn't work for your family. Find solutions that you can control, rather than relying on disinterested family.