To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

[Unher10]

… when it comes to life being hard.

I have 2 kids under 4 and a husband and general family support. Husband works long hours which means I can stay at home and we do not have financial worries but equally I wouldn’t say we are wealthy in the sense that a cleaner etc would be too much of a luxury.

I am really struggling and feel like my parents don’t give a shit. My sister is a single parent to one child age 2 and is back at work, her daughter is in nursery four days a week and my sister works from home whenever she likes while also having a social life with work stuff.

Even though she has a huge income and hefty CMS payments, time to herself when niece’s dad spends time with her AND she has flexibility at work so can shop and go to the gym in peace during her lunch hour…my parents still feel sorry for her and will be at her beck and call if she needs anything, even though she rarely does!!!!

I have said I am not managing and fed up being with one or two children all day every day and they say sister doesn’t complain and she’s a single parent… literally anything I say the answer is she is a single parent and she copes so why can’t I. How are our situations even comparable?!??

I am close to my sister and wouldn’t say this to her as she’s been through a lot and I love her but the perspective that I have it all great in comparison in the eyes of my family just takes the piss. I don’t know what im asking really. Just want to let out my feelings as I feel so down today.

I can only assume OP you have tapped into some wellspring of women who bitterly envy you your husband.

And being a single mum would be hard.

But I think you are getting some horribly unsympathetic comments OP. I'm sorry it feels tough right now, and it is normal to want to feel your family might be wanting to support you, especially when you see them extending it in other directions.

This is comes across as a self-entitled, woe-is-me tantrum. Jeepers 😬

Better still, she could speak to her husband and get him to have his children once in a while so she could have a break?

I think you're mainly seeing it from the outside looking in and maybe don't really have a proper grasp of the weight of being a single parent. I do understand some of what you're saying - a single parent could have a lot of support and few worries while someone else could have a really good partner but zero outside support and be very poorly off, financially and time-wise. Everyone is different. I think you sound above all like you're quite dissatisfied with your life and maybe need to look at that a bit more deeply. It could be as simple as feeling your parents don't treat you fairly which is valid.

the response did originally include the quote (@pinkyredrose's post asking "What work does she do that she can do it 'whenever she likes' ")but MN refreshed the page and deleted it, and you can't edit to reinclude a quote!

I felt overwhelmed as a stay at home mum - we have twins but it was more than that. Later disagnosed as adhd - problems with exec function

First response and you’re such a dick😂

Ah I see! Yeah it’s a pain that you can’t edit to add quotes back in.

No, she’s put in the graft for years and years.

I think you need to take some responsibility for your situation. You’ve chosen to be a stay at home mum, you’ve chosen not to put your youngest in nursery, you’ve chosen not to establish a career like your sister, you’ve chosen to have two children.

It sounds like your sister is doing the best she can with some circumstances outside of her control, but I can’t see which of the things you are complaining about are from choices you havent made yourself

Being a SAHM shouldn’t mean being on SAHM - it’s not an inherent part of it.

If she is, she’s got a problem with her husband. Unless he’s forces or something, I guess.

It’s quite offensive to say a SAHM with a husband has it “much harder” than a full time working single mother.

SHE's the dick??!

Some of these responses would be beneath the cattiest girl in a group of 15 year old mean girls.

You're right it's not comparable.
You have a husband she doesn't. I used to be married to a husband who worked very long hours and worked away a lot of the time too. I found it very tough and I struggled but it was in no way comparable to my life now as a single parent.
If it's time away from the children you need then you have the option to work. If it's more free time you need then you should be asking your DH for more support rather than your parents.

What the hell are you talking about?

Do you really think that this is a choice, or more specifically NOT having a senior job with large salary and flexibility is a choice. Most people who work hard don't manage this. It's as much a reflection on the economy, the job market in a particular area, timing, location as it is on the person. Even then its not just about ambition or the willingness to work. Its about natural ability, energy levels, health personality and bloody pot luck. It's incredibly arrogant to assume people who aren't successful simply choose not to be or are too lazy.

So you are married, without financial worries and don't even have a job, and you think you are hard done by?!? Ffs.

But you’re parenting non stop because you want to. You could have only had one child and be back at work.

you want what your sister has but without putting in the required work/effort.

put yourself in her shoes, I bet she would love to have a hubby out working all hrs so she could be a stay at home mum. But thats not her situation, she is working hard in her job & also in her private life as she is doing the majority of it solo.

but somehow you are hard done by

If you want flexibility start your own business that works for you.

You chose to 1) have 2 children and 2) be a SAHM.

She did not choose to be a single parent.

Therein lies a huge difference.

It doesn't sound harder to me. If your husband doesn't parent enough and leaves everything to you, then deal with that situation. Don't whinge about your sister because you made different choices to her.

Well you need to figure this out with your husband and don’t blame it on your parents/sister.

I can’t work out why your husband can’t give you a break?

Anything except get a job and work your way up?
If she has it easy, put your kids in nursery, get a job and you too will have an easy life …..

Thinking about all my phases of parenting, working with one at nursery and one at school was hard. Demands and logistics and sometimes feeling like a failure in everything.

What was harder (by a long way) was having two at home on mat leave. Do people forget this or was it just me? I mean it was a privilege and I am glad I had that time but good god, I was thankful also to be back at work. It was so hard. The never ending, 24/7, monotony. I began to think of my work days as "days off" when I went back. And suddenly the expectation (self inflicted) that I do everything, just lifted. I mean some people may see SAHP as the dream but for me, it was very far from a picnic.

I hear you op. I think you have a tough gig and (so clearly demonstrated by this thread) people think you have it easy. And that somehow makes it even harder. Not sure I have advice. Just sympathy.

'Sat around'. Let me guess, you've never stayed home with your children. I guess you think your childcare workers are just sitting around too.

Honestly this thread is awful. I think @Unher10 has tapped into the most narrow minded judgmental group of people here today.