AIBU to refuse to let relatives take my children’s Easter eggs to donate to a food bank?

[ConnectionsAndWordle]

We had relatives visiting yesterday who saw our children’s Easter eggs and throughout the day kept commenting that they have too many. I said they’ll eat them eventually so not to worry. They do have a lot, but they are all aged 15+ so perfectly capable of deciding what they want to eat. One child opened one during the day and offered it around. They’ve been sharing them with friends and will eat them so they won’t go to waste.

As my relatives were leaving, they said they would take some of the eggs and donate them to a food bank and started putting some in a bag. I told her to stop as kids would eat them. They continued choosing which ones to take so I again told them no.

One of my children came downstairs to tell them to leave them alone as well and asked them to put them back. Relative told my child (teen) that she should think of others and not be so selfish. I told her not to call my child selfish for not wanting to give away eggs that are theirs.

Relatives husband said I was being unreasonable and selfish, like my child. My husband then came home which stopped the conversation. They left soon after, without the eggs, but clearly weren’t happy.

They have sent me a text this morning to say they were disappointed in what I said and for siding with my child and that they would like an apology as they were ‘told off’ and were ‘made to feel embarrassed.’

Would you even bother to respond? It’s completely pathetic but I don’t feel like I have anything to apologise for.

Ha - yes. We tend towards this. My mum does an annual Easter egg hunt for the grandkids. We got her to use fake eggs and have a single Easter egg as the prize a few year's ago.

Your relatives are assholes. They want to deprive your kids to make themselves look good.

Are you sure it is for for the food bank and they weren't just taking for themselves?

I think you may have to have another conversation with your mother about not putting her food issues onto your children. But unless she pushes it, I would just ignore her for now.

No, they have never bought our children any chocolate. Even when they were little, they would buy them a book or an outfit instead which was lovely and appreciated, but it was because my mum sees chocolate as ‘bad’. As kids, she was very, very strict about what we ate.

We only bought the kids a couple of eggs and some crème eggs each from us, but then they buy each other some, then other family and friends and they end up with a lot. They always eat a couple of eggs each on Easter Sunday and then eat the rest over the next few months. They like chocolate but they understand that it’s not healthy to eat huge amounts. It’s really not an issue. I think it’s a healthier attitude to be able to know it’s there and not have to eat it all.

Whatever peoples attitudes to chocolate, you still don’t just decide you’re donating it to the food bank without permission. As you say it’s 🦇 💩

Yes, that’s part of it too. She likes to look generous to others so would have loved to take them to the food bank. She does give to a food bank regularly but she makes sure everyone knows. If she gives to other charities, everyone gets told.

@ConnectionsAndWordle yeah I think you're right and your kids have a healthy attitude! I have food issues so do binge a bit so I shouldn't compare really. It's definitely not a good way to be. It's so odd your mother wouldn't be happy your kids are not overindulging though-but I guess the sight of the eggs just triggered her? I wonder what is at the root of her food issues?

You, if you were being a bit evil, mention that now she's a bit older, it's much safer for her to be at the high end of BMI.

I was saying this to someone I was training (as they wanted to lose that last 2kg) and they went off and checked it's was a legit comment from research!

I'd respond and tell them to 'get f**ked' and they can 'hold their breath until your kids apologise' and I'd also tell them they are no longer welcome in your home. What utter melts.

“I told you not to take them, perhaps you should ask yourselves why you’re ignoring what I say in my own house”

It’s definitely her food issues behind trying to take the kids eggs away, but I don’t think that makes it any better. She’s an adult and needs to deal with her issues.

I would actually have a frank talk with her and say exactly this.

That she has food issues and as an adult she needs to deal with them and not inflict it on her kids/grandkids as it’s not fair.

Ignore them @ConnectionsAndWordle

next time meet them somewhere that isn’t your house and tell them that you’re not happy with the way they behaved on your home before so won’t be repeating it.

let them think what they want to think. You were never being unreasonable here. She needs telling.

I hope I didn’t offend you, I didn’t mean to say you has issues, just that my kids really can take it or leave it. Apologies if I offended and I hope you’re ok.

I don’t know where my mums issues started. As kids I remember her always dieting but she was always slim. She was always wanting to impress people, so something like this, being able to stop my kids eating ‘bad’ food and look good to others by donating it, is her dream I suppose.

The foodbank would still give them out after Easter, we're still giving out Christmas stuff, but I would also have told them to get lost.

What very strange behaviour by the relatives.
Apart from.anything else I doubt good banks would want Easter Eggs after Easter.
Much better for the relatives to donate something themselves, and something the food bank actually wants!

I’m pleased that you don’t have any relatives who would do this. Not sure what else to say. I’ve now explained what I think is behind it, possible disordered eating which isn’t uncommon.

Not everyone wants to go around telling others, especially their parents to fuck off. That isn’t me at all. I was firm, I said no, as did my child. I don’t intend to apologise like they want me to but I have no wish to fall out over this so I asked on here as I was really annoyed that they called my child selfish and wanted an apology. My husband and kids tell me I’m right, but sometimes you wonder what others outside of the situation would think. When you have dealt with parents like this since childhood, it’s difficult sometimes to see things, but gold star for you for being better.

No you didn't don't worry. I just realised after I posted I have my issues with junk food so I shouldn't compare how quickly I'd eat chocolate as a child (and now lol) to a regular kid!

Hope the kids are not too upset about granny's behaviour. I hope she can understand her issues around food are abnormal and get some help with it all. It must be very hard for her and obviously the wider family to be around that.

Tell them they are free to donate to food banks but that it's not okay to thank things from other people

I think I would reply just to your dad and say that of course they should be embarrassed, they continued to try and steal from their grandchildren after repeatedly being told no. You didnt take your childs side, as their parent you decided they were responsible enough to keep them and eat them in moderation and had already very clearly said no to donating. Then I would finish by asking him to support mum in getting help for her eating disorder before it further damages their relationship with you and your children.

I would be very tempted to write back they should be embarrassed at stealing gifts from their grandchildren and they should apologise for calling them
selfish!

Guessing that would rock the boat too much though… Will it cause a massive issue if you don’t respond?

Those eggs were never going to a food bank, the CFs

There is no indication that their diets are not healthy. OPs children are teenagers and they are eating their chocolate eggs gradually including sharing them with their friends.
It sounds as though the person with unhealthy habits is OPs mother, her attitude can lead to an eating disorder

You ok, hun?

I'll happily lend you some batshit family if you're lacking some...

This, absolutely !