AIBU to refuse to let relatives take my children’s Easter eggs to donate to a food bank?

[ConnectionsAndWordle]

We had relatives visiting yesterday who saw our children’s Easter eggs and throughout the day kept commenting that they have too many. I said they’ll eat them eventually so not to worry. They do have a lot, but they are all aged 15+ so perfectly capable of deciding what they want to eat. One child opened one during the day and offered it around. They’ve been sharing them with friends and will eat them so they won’t go to waste.

As my relatives were leaving, they said they would take some of the eggs and donate them to a food bank and started putting some in a bag. I told her to stop as kids would eat them. They continued choosing which ones to take so I again told them no.

One of my children came downstairs to tell them to leave them alone as well and asked them to put them back. Relative told my child (teen) that she should think of others and not be so selfish. I told her not to call my child selfish for not wanting to give away eggs that are theirs.

Relatives husband said I was being unreasonable and selfish, like my child. My husband then came home which stopped the conversation. They left soon after, without the eggs, but clearly weren’t happy.

They have sent me a text this morning to say they were disappointed in what I said and for siding with my child and that they would like an apology as they were ‘told off’ and were ‘made to feel embarrassed.’

Would you even bother to respond? It’s completely pathetic but I don’t feel like I have anything to apologise for.

So your mum has food issues and your dad enables her. I wouldn't bother replying OP. No reply is a reply. Stick to graceful silence. Take the higher ground. That they stopped when their son-in-law came back speaks volumes. They know it was unreasonable. They should be embarrassed.
If they continue to mull over it or insist on apology, you can rightly tell them they owe you one for calling you selfish as opposed to self- controlled (our Easter chocolate disappeared within a week! 😁😉). You have done nothing wrong whereas they overstepped in your home.

Ye gods, I'd be saying something about calling your children selfish. I think you have every right to speak to your parents and tell them that you want your children to be respected, and not to have their own things taken away from them when they have said No. That you also don't wish for judgemental comments to be made especially when, I'm afraid, the situation was inappropriate, as it's very destructive.

The tactless version would be "people who try to steal from my children shouldn't call them selfish, and we all know you're only in it for other people's praise anyway mum". Not suggesting you say that out loud.

Each child eats at least two Easter eggs on Easter Sunday. That’s not super healthy, assuming two full sized eggs. It’s not the worst thing ever but I wouldn’t have been allowed to eat that much chocolate as a kid.

Fuck off is a whole sentence 💁

Whilst I am sure that the food bank would be grateful for Easter Eggs at any time, as would children in poverty, I agree that relatives' behaviour was ridiculous and unacceptable.

I would reply "I can’t offer an apology as I did not do or say anything to feel sorry for. If you want to give money or goods to a charity that’s great, but you can’t just take and then give away things that belong to other people. It was fine for you to suggest that DC could give some eggs to the food bank, but as the eggs belonged to them the final decision was theirs, and certainly not yours.

If I decided you could spare the money, would you be happy for me to take cash from your purse to give to charity?"

I would want to reply with You are grabby CFs who probably thought you would get free chocolate. Happy to buy something for your local food bank.
They were hoping to load up on free chocolate. Why not take some toilet rolls and laundry detergent as well!!!

Next time you are round at their house, as you are leaving start putting some of their dishes, their cutlery, anything small you can in a bag and say you’re going to give it to charity as they are lucky to have a home at all and shouldn’t be so selfish.

Send them this link:
www.trussell.org.uk/febpma?gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21742626649&gbraid=0AAAAABf0p0TTFXTmBBuuIUy1CxmHgp454&gclid=Cj0KCQjw-pHPBhCdARIsAHXYWP8mTMdHOZlZNg_lXxe0ATvoKs76hHvJzxW2Oj-VJTXTe_tmxbNL3IMaAlCiEALw_wcB

My brother (aged about 4) came down early one Easter Day and identified his pile of eggs (7-8, with those from grandparents and uncles/aunts) by the fact one was in a box in the shape of a train. He ate all of them by the time the rest of us got up and had started to open one of mine...he's been a total fitness freak for the next 50 odd years and never overweight.

OPs kids are 15+ and old enough to monitor their own intake.

Anyway @ConnectionsAndWordle I think you're right to ignore the Egg Thieves, they sound very tricky generally.

PS He wasn't even sick!

I wouldn't respond to them OP although I would be sorely tempted. If you must though "it seems the apology is hidden inside one of those eggs like a fortune cookie. Once DC has eaten the egg and released the apology from its enclosure I will be sure to pass it on".

Well done to standing up to your parents, it's very tough to break through the parent/child conditioning

I certainly would not be apologising. If this were an aunt or uncle I would have said that they would never be visiting again. Your children equally have nothing to apologise for. Given it is DM and DF, I would simply allow things to go quiet for a bit and not reply. Absolutely bat-shit behaviour.

@ConnectionsAndWordle
Are you sure they really if given the chance were going to take them to the "food bank"
And not hog them themselves or give to others so they wouldn't have spend their own money?
Ignore them, they probably felt that your kids got "too nice for them eggs"
But that's another story
Don't apologise
The fact that your husbands arrival home shut them down shows they know they were in the wrong
One more thing
Be mindful of the children's gifts at Birthdays/Christmas times........

Not really the point of the thread but would a food bank even have much use for out of season Easter eggs? Ours tends to mostly want staple foods like pasta, jars of sauce, cereal etc

Until you stand up to your mother she will just continue and that is no example to your kids who see you telling her no but then not taking it further in this case

so respond and tell her the only person who should be embarrassed is her for taking something that does not belong to her, and that she owes you and her grandchildren; an apology and an assurance it won’t happen again

then let her fester

It’s teenagers with a few eggs at Easter. You don’t know anything about their diets ?? 🙄

Your relatives are the ones who should be apologising.

you probably should ignore them but I’d be tempted to tell them to fuck off

I'd be telling them they're welcome back in your house when they are prepared to apologise for their behaviour to you and your dc.

Your relatives behaved appallingly. You cannot donate other people's stuff! How do they know you might have donated to a food bank or other worthy charity in addition to buying Easter eggs for the family?

They are your children's eggs and it's up to them what they do with them.

I’d be feeling them what a rude prick they were. Who does that in someone else’s home? Absolute fucking weirdo.

I thought the exact same thing!

Your mum clearly has a raging eating disorder, OP. I am surprised you can't seem to see this?

No one in their right mind would behave the way she did.

You could send a non apology along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear that you felt embarrassed, but I did tell you quite clearly that we were not donating the chocolate. Hope you had a safe drive home, see you next time x"

They would not be getting a reply, let alone an apology and they certainly wouldn't be coming back into my home after trying to steal from, and guilt trip, my children.
Absolutely appalling behaviour. They only people that should be apologising are your parents! I'm assuming that they would have taken credit for the donation to the Food Bank too, making themselves look superior and generous whilst having stolen from their own Grandchildren.

Cf

They should be embarrassed. Who in their right mind starts packing up the food of someone else's child in someone else's house, not only with out permission but trying to continue when they're told to stop. They're crazy. Not responding is probably the right thing to do but I think I'd be telling them exactly what I thought.