To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

Now this post just makes me think that you’re a man. Why the hell should women have to just put up with being sexually assaulted? Women have been raped for years and years, following your logic any woman who is raped should just deal with it and not "make a fuss".

He absolutely deserves to lose his job. He sexually assaulted a woman in the course of doing his job.

Your reply almost makes me think you haven’t read the thread.

Report to police, particularly now you have said he’s done it to others. Done in front of others, at a time he knew you’d have to just continue as normal, this was blatantly behaviour he’s comfortable with and definitly needs to be actioned.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP
you are NOT overreacting

Except he won't think twice will he given he is a repeat offender. How many women does this man get to sexually assault before pick me's like yourself stop minimising it and stop calling it an error of judgement. How many colleagues have you slapped on the arse?

He deserves to have his life ruined. Not that it will be ruined given the number of people on this thread who seem to think his behaviour was no big deal.

See I think you’ve already dealt with it. You straight away addressed it & got an apology.

sadly I don’t see what more could be done if this was a one off (not excusing this disgusting behaviour as personally my reaction probably would have been to slap him)

I would keep a record of if & make the person who hire you aware if not already, noting the witnesses present. So should that person think to pull a stunt like that again you can take action.

but if it’s just a one off then unfortunately chalk it down to that person is a d**khead & move on

It's a horrible thing to have happened and it is not an over reaction. Did you even know them that well? I would be interested if it was behaviour that he exhibited before with other women. But I guess what it sadly comes down to, is that will it make you life more difficult if you do report it? I guess you have to think of the long term outcome. Was he genuinely sorry and it was a lapse of judgement and doesn't normally display this sort of behaviour,I would be inclined to let it go. If he does it all the time and makes you feel uncomfortable in general and wasn't actually sorry then I would not let it go. It's hard when you are self employed and potentially what the impact of reporting it is on your job. Unfortunately this is the reality of it, I would perhaps write and say to the senior manager or whoever is above him and say how you feel so it is documented. Sorry that happened to you. You are definitely not over reacting.

I HATE all this ‘awww poor him, he couldn’t help it’ HE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING COULD do you think he would’ve done that to a female boss/manager? His mother in law? A female police officer?

I will NEVER get over the absolute outrage from other women that a man has to take responsibility and the very foreseeable consequences for something HE HIMSELF did. And acting like somehow it’s the victim ‘being mean’

Just FO, seriously

And for all the excuses on this thread, let's not forget that Dominique Pelicot was found to have been drugging and raping his wife, filming it, and inviting other men to participate and was only caught because he was caught "only" taking a picture up someone's skirt.

Now this: https://edition.cnn.com/interactive/2026/03/world/expose-rape-assault-online-vis-intl/index.html

"The website, which had around 62 million visits in February alone"

^^ The man OP describes has lived long enough to know its not OK and did it anyway. The man is a predator.

I would be raging too. However, the funeral director has made it clear they won’t work with him again. In your shoes, I would be worried that escalating to legal footing could cost me business if word got round about causing trouble - deeply unfair but perhaps realistic? You know your working environment!

I would probably compromise with making formal complaints to the funeral director and crematorium manager, and seeking assurances in writing that he will not be employed by either again.

What is your objective? Compensation? Punishment? To make his life hell from the next year or so?
He did something that was unacceptable and inappropriate which he thought was funny and it wasn't. I am sure that it was very upsetting. He and others apologised immediately. It is highly unlikely to happen again and I suspect that he has learnt his lesson. Move on with your life and forget it!

Op the least you should do is report to the police he knows it’s wrong he doesn’t care if he had slapped you in the face you could still report to the police but your arse is so much worse he needs stopping don’t worry about his consequences he needs teaching a lesson a grown man thinking that’s ok at a fucking funeral is so much worse where was his respect op report him now. Teach that fucking sex pest a lesson.

Does he do it to the men? If not, he has done it to you because you are a women, therefore, he’s targeted you and decided to assault you! Needs reporting … he should be on a formal written warning at the very minimum. Just because you are self employed, the company you are working for should have policies in place to cover this.

What if it was a one off rape? Child rape? Or burglary?

Don't minimise sexual assault.

It's sexual assault in the workplace and I'm sorry for you thinking that the burden is on OP to give the benefit of the doubt when if it was anything else, even a nicked fiver, she would be fully supported in reporting it.

Given its already happened before how can you possibly state its highly unlikely to happen again? If he thought it was funny why is he not slapping men on their bums? Where's the difference in humour?

I think your gut reaction is that you want to do more. I would report it to the police. I’m sorry it happened to you. I would also feel very upset and angry. It is not ok behaviour.

@orangespikeyfrog "Gosh how times have changed as a student in the 90s I was grabbed between the legs whilst at a bus stop by a man in a balaclava ,also in my twenties had the same by a drunk man in a pub I chased the first guy down the road and slapped the other round the face"

I'm 69 and started work in 1975. I was grabbed between the crotch, pawed, fondled, pinched, slapped and pinned against the wall on numerous occasions. That's even without any of the vile comments I got. And most of these were normal "happily married" men. It was accepted and almost daily because that's what men do, and if you didn't like it you were told you were a lesbian or a frigid fucking bitch. Should women have to fight back or come up with some amazingly sarcastic remark every time they're assaulted to be deemed "worthy" or "game for a laugh"?

How can you even compare this to rape? Completely inappropriate

I hate men who do this one thinking it’s ok and 2 fucking funny. Apologies aren’t acceptable for sexual assault yes if he had bumped into by accident but this was planned. Do not take shit from anyone else you have obviously been through a lot make this one pay for his stupidity.

They’re all criminal sexual offences? Stop trying to use that to deflect. A man doesn’t get a free pass because he hasn’t raped somebody

If he’s done it many times before and is old, basically he thinks it’s fine and he’s always done this to women. You need to report this to the police!

My objective is coming away from this knowing ive done the right thing by myself, my colleagues and my fellow women (and perhaps some men) who continue to have to experience this and as you can see ny the thread, wade through a variety of responses from ruining his life to congratulating him for being hilarious

I just want to feel respected. That is what I want.

Personally in these circumstances:

• pattern of behaviour
• wildly inappropriate situation (it’s never okay but the context is massively aggravating)
• no context of alcohol or party
• physical assault

I would make a police report. It’s so far over the line it makes me wonder what else he might do.

Just because this happened in the 70's did not make it okay then and doesn't male it okay now!

Yes they are sexual and offences but to compare the two is completely disrespectful to victims of rape. As they are not compatible & legally the police would deal with them differently. I’m not saying he’s get a bloody free pass where have you read that?

Also it may happen again as its happened many times before according to the FD