To ponder legal action for being slapped on the arse

[IneedAniffler]

Very long story short, I work in an unregulated industry as a self-employed contractor. I provide a professional service in what can be quite a high-pressure environment, and I take a lot of pride in what I do.

Today, just before I was due to deliver a service, another person working there (in a separate but related role) slapped me hard on the backside. He clearly thought it was “banter” or playful, but I was completely shocked.

I reacted immediately and told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable and that he must never do anything like that again. He apologised straight away, and the contractor (who works with both of us) also apologised, as did others present.

The issue is that I then had to go straight on and deliver a half-hour professional service as if nothing had happened, and then go straight to another client meeting. I didn’t really have time to process it at all.

Now I’m home, it’s all hit me properly and I feel incredibly upset. I feel violated, embarrassed, angry, and quite shaken. I also feel a bit stupid even writing this, because technically everyone has apologised and it’s “dealt with”, but it doesn’t feel dealt with to me at all.

There’s no HR in this situation as I’m self-employed, and this isn’t a traditional workplace. I’m just trying to work out whether I’m overreacting, and what (if anything) I should do next.

WWYD?

Do men go around slapping other men's bums?

Why don't they? Why didn't they in the past?

So why didn’t he slap another man’s bottom? If it’s entirely non sexual and just clumsy humour?

Calling someone silly for calling out your minimisation of sexual assault says a lot about you. Police involvement is the correct way of dealing with a repeat sexual offender. Sexual assault is not an attempt at very badly judged humour. What the hell is wrong with you? And it's interesting that you say flashing is "undoubtedly sexual violations" as a lot of people would actually see that as either funny or a bad attempt at being funny. Your entire post is about minimising this assault and any reasonable person can see that.

I am sorry this happened to you. You ste not over reacting. Shame on every one of you minimising this. It's terrifying when the mysogony is coming from inside the house.

@BootMaker "A slap on the arse is not ok, but, jeysus, if that's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, you're doing OK."

Would you say the same about a slap on the face? Would you tell your daughter to get over herself if some bloke had done this to her. And if so, where do you draw the line with physical assault and humiliation?

Who slaps someone's arse at a funeral?

YANBU op, terrible behaviour.

Gosh how times have changed as a student in the 90s I was grabbed between the legs whilst at a bus stop by a man in a balaclava ,also in my twenties had the same by a drunk man in a pub I chased the first guy down the road and slapped the other round the face . No police involvement . If this happened in a work place I think if would be a hr matter not the police . Yes it was wrong but it was a slap on rthe bum I wouldn’t involve the police god that if the guy is genuinely remorseful and has been repremanded what are you going to gain from contacting the police the stress of a legal case and he’ll probably get a slap in the wrist

How many of the posters on this thread who are baying for the man’s blood would feel the same if it had been a woman who had slapped the OP’s bum? Or is the hatred only reserved for men, as is usually the case on Mumsnet?

From someone who’s very chilled out and think most of what is on here is tosh…you are absolutely NOT overreacting. Best wishes OP

Ffs

Its horrendous to see "a slap on the bottom " written down in this minimising way i felt sick reading it. Shameful when the mysogony is coming from inside th house

I definitely don’t think it was right what he’s done and I can totally see why this has upset you immensely. I would feel exactly the same, although I might have head butted him. However, I really don’t see what would be gained from taking it further and potentially ruining his life over what was a dreadful error of judgement on his behalf. He has apologised and will now probably think twice before ever doing something similar again.

Also why is a slap on the bottom seen as predominantly humour rather than violent? If he slapped her on the hand because she went to take the last coffee cup, or on the face because she said something he didn’t like, or on the legs because she stepped over near him, would that all be fine and just need a gentle ticking off from HR?

Read all the posts. He's done it before and will almost certainly do it again.

I cant believe what I'm reading in this thread . Mysogony inside the house

If he’s done it before he will do it again so I would report to the police. Not because I think they would actually do anything worthwhile but maybe they would visit him in his home and speak to him. Maybe that would make him realise he can’t do it again?
I would also maybe think of some way of publicising it too, either on social media or in some other way. Shame him in to realising it’s unacceptable

Apologies, I didn’t read all posts.

Yep. If OP had said she had squeezed his cock and balls as a joke, everyone would say she is lucky not to be arrested and WTF was she thinking

If you feel threatened, a proportional immediate physical reaction is a better response to this kind of man.

I personally would not take legal action as it’s expensive and probably don’t get you very far. Depends what you want from it. I would type up an account t of exactly what happened and send to everyone involved stating that it was an assailant totally inappropriate and the persons needs to consider their behaviour in future. He is probably highly embarrassed already which is good.

There must be HR for the company you are contracted to. Report it immediately- who does that in this day and age?? Almost makes me think this is a Saturday rage bait post

As a criminal action you report it to the police and they take the prosecution from there. You’re confusing it with a civil action where you have to instruct a lawyer and pay the fees etc

A criminal action is entirely free, all she would need to do is make a statement and if it went to trial, turn up to give evidence.

but a slap on the arse is sexualised . That makes it worse not better in my opinion

Given the type of work you do and the extreme inappropriateness of his behaviour, i think id report to the police.

There is every chance he is predatory other ways and whilst I 100% think most people working around death do so because they care deeply about helping people at their worst moments, it does also attract very bad eggs.

Put it this way, if he thinks this is ok in the modern day and in public, he is the sort that will be hiding a lot worse.

If nothing else, reporting it and instigating an investigation will get word out about him and he definitely won't be casually hired again.

He sounds like an absolute menace. A harasser of women.

I would put it in writing to the FD and CM that his behaviour was unacceptable, sexist, violent and compromised your ability to do your job. And you would like them to take formal action to inform him that his behaviour was unacceptable. As in not just quietly decline to employ him any more but write and tell him that.

As they witnessed it, and had responsibility for employing him, they should be doing that anyway.

Apart from his treatment of you, what about their reputation? No one wants to feel that people involved in their family funeral is behaving like that during preparations.