Or is this absolutely batshit (sex life related)

[Tulipsanddandelions]

NC long term person.

DP (42) and I (36) been together 4 years. Live together. No kids between us (one each). I have high stress job (main breadwinner) DP runs own business pretty chilled most of the time.

Anyway…always enjoyed a good varied sex life, frequent as in 3/4 times a week, more if we have time (free house etc)

Lately he has started to guilt trip me about our ‘lack of sex’ ‘sexless relationship’. At first told him outright this was rubbish. But he insists we used to have sex more (not to my knowledge in fact was less when we only see each other once or twice a week before cohabiting), now it’s literally 2 days after we have sex he starts on about ‘when we get our sex life back’ like it’s been months.

More than that, the extra fun stuff we enjoy dressing up etc is now starting to become something he expects ‘to come home from work to’, apparently I don’t put enough effort or creativity into sex ‘like you used to’. Again rubbish but also has to have some understanding I have a life outside of standing in my knickers at the door waiting for him.

come to the crux of it today and he says ‘I feel like I should be able to ask for whatever I want and get it, I should be able to touch you within reason (and reason was if I was ill) and you should want it’

all of this coupled with, ‘you rejecting me damages my self esteem, I do anything you want sexually to keep you, I get pain in my balls if I don’t cum’.

baffled as to where all this is coming from. I have told him his is a huge turn off and he told me that if it’s such a turn off ‘expressing my (his) needs’ then it isn’t a ‘safe relationship’

He denies any porn use, never had reason to suspect (especially given healthy sex life).

are we suddenly massively not sexually compatible or is he being unreasonable!?!

This is very controlling. Red flags allllll over this OP.

I should add, he is great in bed and bery giving and this can be some of the issue as sometimes he just ‘wants to do things to you (me)’ and I can’t be bothered and would rather just give him a BJ but apparently that is not in the ‘spirit’ of what he wanted in that moment.

read a post on here recently and someone said they love the ‘2 week bliss’ after putting out knowing they did their bit for their man, not a fan of that myself I prefer more than every 2 weeks, but fuck me I wish he was satisfied with a blow Job occasionally

Ewwwww. I would lose allll respect, never mind desire, for my husband if he ever talked like this.

He also seems to have confused the right to ask for what you want in a relationship with the right to get what you want.

This would turn me off to the point of no return🤢
Dump him.

What a disgusting man, not many women would want a relationship with that
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Honestly. It’s not quite this. But it’s the expectation

‘hi babe, how’s work? Want me to pick up some wraps for tea?’

‘yeah that be good, all ok here lots to do as always, meetings etc ’

‘are you wet thinking about me?’

’ermm not really just had a very dull meeting’

‘oh? So you don’t get wet thinking about me then anymore? You always used to’

SIGHHHHHHHHHH

They do say that women need to feel loved to want sex and men need sex to feel loved. Do you think he is feeling unloved? He does sound very insecure and as you say, continually reassuring him is not very sexy. Would you consider a couples therapy?

I'd bet money on this. He's made some buddies on odd bits of the internet.

Not disagreeing but what makes you think this is controlling?

Reading your post gave ME the ick, OP, so it must be worse for you. Urghhhh. I'd be kicking his aching nutsack right out of my house.

Yeah I would, he doesn’t think we need it but would probably go along.

He is adamant that that how he feels is entirely normal

😂😂🤣🤣

I’m not even convinced it can hurt after 12 hours personally

I would definitely just end this relationship. He sounds very needy . It's come about all of a sudden. If you're sick of constantly reassuring him, why? Why do you constantly have to reassure him? You shouldn't have to do this.

It isn't. He's being needy and demanding and petulant. He's like an over-sexed toddler (and yes I apologise for that description).

Oaft he expects you.to be on duty !

He gets worse. Does he have any other conversation other than very bad sex talk?

Jesus christ throw that one back 🤮

It makes you responsible for his physical and emotional wellbeing. He cant take responsibility for himself (to have a wank) so its on you. And his manipulating you into acting how he wants to act. At the very least its extremely dysfunctional communication. He's not fussed about you and what you want is he? He just wants his needs met. Now.

My God, what have I just read?
I don't see any solution to this except ending the relationship.

It's weird that he's started doing this out of the blue though. Either he's been influenced in some way - manosphere, porn, influencers or whatever - or something else has changed. Like he's taking medication/drugs, maybe?

Although if he's WFH alone in the house, it's more likely to do with online content he's absorbing IMO.

The fact he feels entitled to sex whenever he wants it is such a red flag and a turn off. Please think about whether he’s the one for you OP he sounds like a creep

Well that's just ridiculous. You should want whatever he wants? Does that mean he should also want whatever you want? Does this apply at dinner time? "I want a cornflake and pickle sandwich so you should want one too, why isn't it ready?"

He has completely separated sex from mutual desire, and for him it has become 100% about his control, and your subservience. I would actually feel very unsafe in this situation, I can't read it as anything other than (incipiently) abusive.

I don't think this man respects you one tiny bit any longer. Hes been radicalised by some manosphere shite I expect. Perhaps you should report him to Prevent (only half joking...)

I get pain in my balls if I don’t cum

I would dump his arse for that alone. He’s 42 ffs, not some horny teenager. I can’t help wondering if he is checking out of this relationship for whatever reason and is getting his excuse in- in this case that it’s all your fault for not having sex with him enough.

Yeah he used to. But he will literally send the most begin message about day to day stuff and then follow it up with something sexual.

its a real rollercoaster

He's either been watching too much porn, or (as someone else said 👆) he's been reading stuff for gullible men from the Tate-osphere. (Or he's just magically turned into a bit of a dickhead)