AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

[Heartford]

My DH’s best friend B (50s, professionally successful) ended his marriage by having a long affair with his wife’s close friend. He caused a lot of hurt to his wife and children to whom we remain close. My DH has stayed friends with B throughout and continued to see him alone/in other male company. I have not really seen him and he knows that I disapprove of how he ended his marriage.

The affair has now ended and B is leading a single life in London. He now invites my DH to parties and dinners without me (even when everyone else’s partner is invited). The next one is 3 couples plus DH and a single woman. I don’t like that – I think it disrespects our marriage, it leaves me at home doing domestics while DH is out having fun (this already happens quite a lot as I have a demanding job and do the lion share of household/kids for various reasons) and echoes how B treated his own wife. DH can’t see the problem. He says I wouldn’t want to go myself – which is true (as I feel uncomfortable around B due to all the lies/deceit that went with his affair). DH would also (reluctantly) cancel if I make him (and would tell B that is why). But for himself, he thinks it is fine for me not to be asked and for him to accept and go alone. AIBU in being hurt by DH’s view?

My Best Mate had an affair .. we are still great friends, if my husband tried to tell me I couldn’t see her (not that he would), he would get short shrift.

Adult lives are complicated, and things are rarely Black & White.

No one likes being judged or lectured. It wasn’t your place to make it obvious. You can be there for your friend/ex wife and still not get involved. The other wives are invited and you’re not. Because you chose to pick a side without thinking of your husbands friendship. You picked your friendship over his with his mate and now you’re pissed off. You’re both disrespected each other. Whilst the other wives are probably just as shocked at his behaviour they chose to not get involved.

OMG see my post

great minds!

It's not my husband's job to squire any other woman anywhere. There are plenty of single men to do that my husband squires me and I certainly would not feel comfortable doing the same for a single man anywhere. And no I don't and wouldn't expect to find the single man remotely a patch on DH either or even want me a tubby 50 year old.
But it's the ettucute of marriage.

You aren’t “hurt”

You are pissed off that your husband is socialising with his friend who had an affair and, despite no where near knowing the full detail, you want nothing more to do with him and think your husband should also cut off his best friend (who’s prob been in his life longer than the op)

You are also worried and mistrusting about the evil “single” woman

‘Squire’ WTF 🤣🤣

@ExtraOnions so you would leave your own partner at home to be plus ones elsewhere ?

Yes living ...he's being an escort for a single woman ?
Otherwise why not get a female friend to do it ?

My husband trusts me enough to go out in mixed groups, without any issue. I’ve spent the night with an old Uni (male) friend, just me and him at his house. I go away with Male work colleagues all the time and we go out for dinner.

My husband would never tell me where I can go, or who with. He doesn’t own me, and I don’t need his permission.

…and yes, I’ve been a +1 for a single male friend at a wedding

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta

" In whjch case he's not in a happy marriage "

Or perhaps he's the type who enjoys having his cake and eating it ?

No this situation is different.

You would be going to paterner a single person spefically that very different to hanging out with known old friends.

Id be disappointed in my partner tried dictating who I should be friends with Surely as an adult I can make my own choices. Trying to control my friendships like that would be a dumping offence

You are only ‘partnering’ them if anything actually happens between you.

Even if she finds him attractive then presumably he doesn’t have an obligation to fuck her?

Not sure why people think the way to stop someone straying is to keep as tight a hold over them as possible. It may be inconvenient to hear it but people in a happy relationship don’t sleep with other people.

Where does our say he's partnering with any single woman? I think ideas there were some couples, a single woman DH and the host.

What's wrong with them just being a group ? Even if any partnering happing surely it would be between the host and this woman?

Would your husband be happy for you to go for a dinner with all couples and one single man, though?

@Heartford that’s probably where I’d draw the line.

The OP says so in her post at 22:34.

The sad fact is that unless you lock your husband up, you can’t prevent him from sleeping with someone. However you may like to kid yourself, happily married people don’t shag around.

Ok so they woman is to even up numbers. And? Is the friends telling the DH that he has to shag this woman?

Yeah it sounds like it. Poor man being tempted by a femme fatale and made to sleep with her

Yes, the friend ruined his own marriage and now wants OPs DH to join him in the single life.

At a dinner party no less. Such debauchery!!

So why then are all the other couples" safe"

I would be very disappointed if my DH accepted this invitation - but I know he wouldn't. He would prioritise my feelings over a dinner party, I can't see how anyone could stay married long term to a man who wouldn't. I think people need to prioritise their marriage as more important than a meal (over 30 years married here - there is a reason some relationships make the long haul).

B is definitely trying to set up your DH with the single woman. Don’t be a cool wife, tell DH you don’t him to go.

while DH is out having fun (this already happens quite a lot as I have a demanding job and do the lion share of household/kids for various reasons)

You need to make DU do his fair share of household and kids, he clearly has too much free time. Why not arrange a night out the day of the dinner party so DH has to stay home?

Don’t be ridiculous, b is single, there is no reason he can’t invite another single woman, either as friends or as they like each other, it doesn’t remotely mean he’s trying to set up the ops husband/

and quite frankly the ops husband has free will. He can say no. If he was. Which is hugely unlikely.