AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

[Heartford]

My DH’s best friend B (50s, professionally successful) ended his marriage by having a long affair with his wife’s close friend. He caused a lot of hurt to his wife and children to whom we remain close. My DH has stayed friends with B throughout and continued to see him alone/in other male company. I have not really seen him and he knows that I disapprove of how he ended his marriage.

The affair has now ended and B is leading a single life in London. He now invites my DH to parties and dinners without me (even when everyone else’s partner is invited). The next one is 3 couples plus DH and a single woman. I don’t like that – I think it disrespects our marriage, it leaves me at home doing domestics while DH is out having fun (this already happens quite a lot as I have a demanding job and do the lion share of household/kids for various reasons) and echoes how B treated his own wife. DH can’t see the problem. He says I wouldn’t want to go myself – which is true (as I feel uncomfortable around B due to all the lies/deceit that went with his affair). DH would also (reluctantly) cancel if I make him (and would tell B that is why). But for himself, he thinks it is fine for me not to be asked and for him to accept and go alone. AIBU in being hurt by DH’s view?

I’m not sure I see the issue, the fact a single woman is there, is this the issue, you think he’s trying to set him up and your husband given half a chance will shag her? Not that b invited her as he’s interested in her?

if you don’t think your husband will shag her assuming he finds her attractive, then I can’t see the issue, it’s not just him and her, he’s allowed to have friends and you can’t ban him from not seeing this guy as you disapprove of how the marriage ended or you can’t trust him round single women.

‘and if you feel single women are such a threat, then honestly deal with that.

Exactly. The single woman may be a lesbian for all @Heartford knows.

YABU @Heartford Your husband remained friends with both his best friend and his ex wife. You don't like his best friend, inviting you would be inappropriate and uncomfortable for everyone. You don't get to dictate your husband's friendships, assuming he hasn't had multiple affairs or goes to a strip club every time he visits his friend.

I also think I’d be pretty disappointed in my husband if he stood by his friend after he’d behaved like B to be honest.

The next one is 3 couples plus DH and a single woman.

Is your DH's friend part of one of those 3 couples....leaving your DH and this woman as guests number 7/8?

Don't you know Single Women are all predators out to steal husbands (and only husbands) no matter whether they work with them, share a hobby with them or are part of a friend group that includes them. Even sitting beside one and chatting on a plane is a Single Woman - whether she is actually single or not - predator ready to steal the unwitting husband.

This. I would not be happy and tbh my dh would not go

Don't you know Single Women are all predators out to steal husbands (and only husbands) no matter whether they work with them, share a hobby with them or are part of a friend group that includes them.....

Well, yes, reading threads on Mumsnet it seems that many women see Single Women only as objects to be shagged. See the post on this thread at 21.55. Single Women should all just stay at home in case venturing out into the workplace or somewhere requires them to interact with someone's husband.
Signed, A Single Woman who has never had the least interest in behaving inappropriately with someone else's husband. Unless having an occasional coffee counts.

Yes

Based on most MN husbands, why would any self respecting woman want one of them 😂

If you don't trust your husband @Heartford leave him.

My thoughts exactly! Also bold to assume the woman would find the husband attractive!

This seals it for me. Guests 1-6 are 3 couples. Guest 7 is your DP. Guest 8 is a single lady.
sorry your DP should decline in this scenario.

I agree! I’d not be happy at all - it‘s such a strange set up & no idea why your DH is going along with it?!!

Did you miss the bit where the loser friend cheated on his wife? In my world it wouldn’t be pearl clutching, my DH and I would be more likely to clutch the friend by the balls and twist them until he squealed, metaphorically speaking.

You need to go out with your friends, or even alone, and leave your thoughtless husband to look after his kids. You are being used, you know. And he should not be "partnering" with any single women. You are right to be pissed off/concerned.

I’m with you. This recent invite is really odd.

You made your feelings about him clear so why would he invite you anywhere? You chose to cut him off and that’s fine but it’s not compulsory.

I have a very small circle of friends, it takes a lot for me to trust people. If one of them cheated on their spouse, then that’s up to them.

Your DH shouldn’t have to cut his friend off because you have moral objections.

As for inviting another woman, it’s possible the friend is doing that to wind you up but if you trust your husband then it wouldn’t matter.

Fine for DH to stay in touch with B and socialise with him without you there. Not fine for him at all to attend a couples dinner party without you there - that's weird.

Wow. WTF? The moral outrage on here is laughable. Having an affair may be a dealbreaker for some people’s friendships but not everyone.

If I trust someone enough to become a friend (very rare situation) then unless they do anything to me (or another friend) then I’m not going to cut them off for it. As long as they are happy, then I’m fine with it.

The situation with the OP has come about because she doesn’t approve of the affair and is annoyed her husband is still being a good friend.

If you think that the woman will fancy your old man and that he won’t be able to resist her then you have bigger issues.

But dictating what he can do is not on. He can do what he likes and you can choose whether it affects your marriage.

He's enjoying the freedom his friend has and is joining in like a single man

In which case he’s clearly not in a happy marriage.

Yeah but I’ve seen plenty of posts from women on here saying that they wouldn’t end a friendship over their female friend having an affair…..

Actually the use of the word ‘freedom’ is rather telling and quite appropriate. It makes marriage sound like a prison 🤣🤣

Completely agree. As a single woman I get left out of so much that seems to be couples only, even by close friends, it's really horrible. We're just people, not jezebels out to steal your man or rock your marriage. She won't have the faintest idea you're even imagining the set up like this.

My best friend of 38 years had an affair. It was traumatic.

She is still my best friend and always will be. I continue to see her, socialise with her, holiday with her.

She should have left her ex when the affair started, but it is absolutely not as clear cut as that.

And I love her and just like she has stood by me through thick and thin, I’ll do the same for her.

So I’m with your husband on this. You don’t know the detail Op.