AIBU to feel hurt when my husband accepts invitations excluding me?

[Heartford]

My DH’s best friend B (50s, professionally successful) ended his marriage by having a long affair with his wife’s close friend. He caused a lot of hurt to his wife and children to whom we remain close. My DH has stayed friends with B throughout and continued to see him alone/in other male company. I have not really seen him and he knows that I disapprove of how he ended his marriage.

The affair has now ended and B is leading a single life in London. He now invites my DH to parties and dinners without me (even when everyone else’s partner is invited). The next one is 3 couples plus DH and a single woman. I don’t like that – I think it disrespects our marriage, it leaves me at home doing domestics while DH is out having fun (this already happens quite a lot as I have a demanding job and do the lion share of household/kids for various reasons) and echoes how B treated his own wife. DH can’t see the problem. He says I wouldn’t want to go myself – which is true (as I feel uncomfortable around B due to all the lies/deceit that went with his affair). DH would also (reluctantly) cancel if I make him (and would tell B that is why). But for himself, he thinks it is fine for me not to be asked and for him to accept and go alone. AIBU in being hurt by DH’s view?

I don’t think those of us who are secure in ourselves and have healthy relationships, think this at all.

It feels like an old-fashioned sitcom. MN is not the place to read about healthy relationships, friendships or functional social behaviour!

One thing your dh going out for a pint or curry etc with b

another thing him going to a dinner party
no way in hell

b could even be trying to get one back at you

Because she doesn't like him and he knows it. I wouldn't be inviting people to my home I knew didn't like me. That would be a strange thing to do

My DH wouldn't go to regular parties and dinner parties where I wasn't invited/wanted and vice versa.

I didn't realise that basic decency was so rare.

You’re telling me you’ve always liked all your Friends partners ??
I’m sure you haven’t, but you still invite them when you’re inviting your friend to whatever event you have on , cause it’s the normal , polite thing to do .

No I wouldn't. And not would I expect some of my friends to invite my OH to things as they don't like each other. I count couples as two individuals

But the only reason for the OP to attend is to keep an eye on her husband. That is going to be a fun evening

Would you invite someone to your house who has been slagging you off?

She hasn't been slagging him off. Op sympathised with B's wife and kids. She hasn't been talking about him to acquaintances.

And my post said my DH wouldn't go, not that I would want to be invited.

Well.the bloke knows she doesn't like him. Pyschic I assume

Errrrr yeah, nope.
If he goes to this I'd be very clear to him that he could go fuck himself. The utter disrespect for you that this would demonstrate is actually disgusting. I literally can't believe your husband can't see this, you know why? Because he can and he doesn't give a shit.
Why are you ok with that?
He's an absolute prick.

So you wouldn’t mind your partner laying down the law? How, er, traditional of you .

If the only way the OP can handle this is by kicking off about her husband going (just in case he falls over and ends up sleeping with the random woman) then perhaps he’s better off out of the marriage

Why is curry OK but a home cooked meal not? What exactly is he trying to get one over on refusing to feed her??

His ex wife or OP’s DH would have told him. No psychic powers required.

For going to a dinner party?

If I was invited to a dinner party where the other guests were 3 couples and a single man I wouldn't need DH to 'lay down the law' You know why? Because I respect him and wouldn't wish to be at any such gathering.
HTH

Why is the assumption that he is being “paired up”
with the single woman?

If I were invited to a dinner and there was someone there whose wife wasn’t invited because she didn’t like the host, I would not assume I had been invited as some kind of affair-bait for him.

Are you purposely missing how the other guests at the dinner party are made up to be obtuse or is it simply that you're a bit dense? 🤔

You don't like your husband's friend and he really, really doesn't like you. He'd like to see your marriage fail like his did. That's why he's having a couples dinner and your husband is coupled up with a single woman rather than his wife.

My husband would have insisted I be invited to a "couples" dinner. That's your husband's friend showing you how much he disrespects your marriage and your husband going along with it.

The OP hates the friend and if he invited the people he did purely so that he would upset her then, apart from it being quite arrogant to assume she is that important, then I wouldn’t blame him.

What an awful relationship

So shed been shooting her mouth off then

What makes you think that the DH and the single woman have been invited as some kind of pair rather than just as individuals?

I went to a dinner party recently that was mostly couples plus me and another man and tbh the makeup of the guest list didn’t even cross my mind. They were all just people I knew to a greater or lesser degree. I spent most of my time chatting with members of the couples or as part of multi-way conversations. Like, I’m genuinely struggling to think of why anyone would view me as a “partner” for the other man present by himself. I was just another guest.

I’m assuming neither of them are going to be forced to fuck?

Or if they are, I think it would be polite to give a heads-up as part of the invitation 🤣