Dh in mood as I said I may get mcdonalds for my dinner he said its selfish

[Tomcdonaldaornot]

Hey mn!
I have just read some other posters complaining about their partners wow there seems to be a lot. I don't want that to cloud my judge ie being angry on their behalf and therefore my dh is wrong.
So I am asking here.
My baby who is 9months woke at 830am and hasn't napped today. She fought her last two naps and I have wasted an hr each time trying to get baby to nap. She usually naps but the last few days she seems more active. With no naps I have found it really impacts my night when baby doesn't nap, she has a bad night. So I have gotten ready. Dh who works from home popped downstairs and asked how day is going. I said its been full on she hasnt napped! He looked at her and said "cheeky" she laughed!
I said I was going a drive as she will nap in the car. I said I was thinking of getting a Starbucks via drive thru so I am not just driving around. At least it'll give me a destination! Then I thought ohh i could get a McDonald's! That'll sort my dinner out. Baby will nap in car. Dh then told me that was weird. I'm a grown women. And then.... wait for it... what about him? I offered to bring him mcdonalds and he said no. I then laughed and said you are a grown man I'm sure you can sort dinner. He stormed away saying "dont treat me like a child!".
Am i wrong?! He has never acted like this!!!!!!
What would you do??

Oh fgs, she has a cranky baby she's trying to settle and thinking about how to keep herself fed and awake while doing so of course he was an after thought!

I'd have left the baby to baby-sit the big baby ("D" P)

Enjoy your 🍔🍟

To be fair we don’t think that will sort my dinner we tend to think our dinner, as we have dinner together when home. So I can see why he said what about me. And you them offered. You then told him he could sort himself out.

thid maybe how you both operate and are not expected to cook or provide for each other, but we don’t do this.

According to some posters, yes, while she's shattered and the baby's unsettled. His job is to huff and puff. It's all about priorities, you see.

I can't see at all?

OP is on maternity leave with a baby that hasn't slept - it's stressful and she should be free to come and go as she pleases while he's working, whether that includes getting herself some lunch or not.

If he's working from home, surely he is not relying on his wife who is trying to care for a baby to sort his lunch for him when he can just come down and do it easily, with both his hands and no baby clinging onto him?

If anything he should be sorting her lunch when he's at home, especially on a day like this where the baby has been hard work!!

Ah well - I guess it depends how you (generic you) usually organise dinner in your household. We always eat together and keep a portion for anyone who is out (bigger household with teens) so it'd be a bit of a dick move in our house. Depends on the nuclear family "culture" around the family meal.

As I said it's not important, but I'd have found the phrasing selfish if my husband said it exactly the way the OP reported she did, and I personally wouldn't have said it myself.

Utterly unimportant though and I'm only posting on this trivial thread to procrastinate, as I'm sure most of us are. It really doesn't matter.

I guess everyone is different, if you were going for a McDonald’s you’d not offer your partner or vice Versa, everyone is different, we would.

Hi OP. Fellow grown woman here 👋

I also sometimes just go for a drive thru McDonalds for dinner.

Your husband is a weirdo.

This, plus that sort of selfish person as well as just cooking for themselves if they're providing the food, it will always be something basic low effort or a takeaway.

Not once will they make chilli with the mince and peppers that need using, make fresh guacamole and run to the shop for tortilla chips like the person who does 95%+ of the household cooking. No, if they actually cater for everyone, it will be the lowest effort possible. Infuriating.

Also, 99% of the time I will say to my wife - do you fancy ‘such and such’ and that is leaving the question open to a ‘no’ and then we’d negotiate, very occasionally I will just think I really want a ‘McDonald’s’ and I will just say, I’m going to have McDonald’s tonight, as it’s not a negotiation, I’m having it, she can have it too if she wants it, but if not that isn’t changing what I’m having. I get to make a decision for myself and if she doesn’t want that then she can sort something else out

You could drive around in your car and when the baby finally sleeps, you could fix your hair and nails and put on a pretty dress and some high heels.

That way, you'd look nice while you made your husband's meal. 😂

I think MN has bus loads of weirdos trolling everywhere atm.

So if you were driving past McDonalds or somewhere and really wanted some, you couldn’t if your DH didn’t want any?

It makes sense to eat the same thing as it saves 2 people cooking but surely you don’t always have to eat the exact same meal every single day.

OP wanted McDonald’s.
That is allowed.
DH was also allowed to say he wanted some too or decide he’d rather have something different.

He was annoyed that she wouldn’t cook his dinner for him.
He is a grown man and can sort himself out like she said.

this is what I was trying to say 😂.

Adults automatically think about "our" in a household that usually eats dinner together.

You are very very unreasonable for ever wanting a McDonald’s!!

Ok fine, just kidding.

I had the thought as I was talking to him. I was thinking out loud. Of course I would have offered or brought something back. As said my mind is frazzled. I did offer anyway, he refused.

Honestly, he is being silly. Why shouldn't you get takeout when you are tired and dealing with a crying baby, and why isn't is good enough for him. Did his arms and legs fall off making him unable to fend for himself?
if this is a one off then he is possibly tired and not being rational- you are not treating him like a child but he is behaving like one. But you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Exactly this!!!

This is normal and healthy!!

I can’t believe there are people who don’t eat what they want because their partners want something different.

Why does the partner get to decide.
Why do they have to have the same thing.

If you want to eat something then eat it FFS.
All these grown adults having to ask permission or not getting what they want is ridiculous.

I would, and OP did?!! McDonalds literally popped into her head after she had initially planned to just go to Starbucks, and her husband got the arse with her instantly, before she'd even had a chance to offer him anything?!

But also, no I don't have much sympathy for a man behaving like this while a woman is trying to manage a tired baby and having a difficult day. He is at complete liberty to spend his lunch break however he likes, he could get whatever he wants, or he could have just said to OP 'oh cool, will you grab me X as well please?' instead of having a tantrum.

It seems like he is used to OP sorting his lunch for him, which makes it even worse that she is not even allowed one day off from that! And if she doesn't usually sort it for him then what is the issue??

Currently in mcdonalds.car park eating spicy mcnuggests meal! Delicious and i have a mcflurry also 🙈🙈 I texted and asked man baby if he wanted anything and he said no. He said he will not accept a pitty mcdonalds and is annoyed as he doesnt know where he will find the time to make dinner tonight. I said oh are you working late? He said no he isnt but he wasnt prepared for this. Jesus. This meal is worth is though 🙈

The McDonald's is fine for both of you but I wouldn't be trying to get a baby to sleep at this time in the afternoon. Too close to bedtime.

fgs, can't believe he's doubling down on this. What an absolute baby

I am wondering if Mumsnet has been invaded by a small contingent of Stepford Wives.
OP, enjoy your McDonald's. What are you having?

Nobody said they wouldn't eat something their partner didn't want, but rather that they'd be thinking in the plural not the singular about dinner and the suggestion would have automatically been for everyone (doesn't mean that if other family members didn't want what was suggested they wouldn't have it anyway, but that the initial thought and offer would be about the family not just one person).

Such a non event 🙄

I’m jealous as I’m sat here eating some grapes 😂

I get the feeling your husband is weirdly jealous of your mat leave. He’s annoyed he just can’t leave his desk when he wants to be able to go for a drive, get a snack etc.

He’s taking his frustrations out on you. And trying to make you feel guilty. I’m sorry but he sounds like a complete arse. Can he get a bit funny about other stuff too?