Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

Can the people who say the OP shouldn’t have her night away explain why not? I don’t understand…

And why isn't DH simply looking after baby while OP has a break? Let me guess, he has a very important job and simply can't be expected to parent his own kid.

He's training you OP.

This sounds like a roundabout way of saying OP should be prioritising sex with her husband over a full nights sleep on her rare as hen’s teeth night off.

I agree with this.

OMG go!!! Ignore your DH!!!

Mine are older now - teens - but I occasionally travel for work and even staying in a Premier Inn feels like a spa break sometimes!!! Bloody lovely having a bath and a full breakfast the next day that you’re not having to clean up after

Because it saves her driving and she wants a bath.
I’m guessing a hotel feels like a nice treat.

My DS is a teen now but for the last 5 years or so I’ve gone away for 3/4 nights on my own. My DH found it weird at first but I needed the quiet time from everyone, home and work, and I’d come back energised and ready to tackle the next few months. I encourage DH to get away too and he prefers to go with friends which is fine but we have no local childcare so that was how we got our breaks. DH def found it weird at first (and some of my friends were very ‘what on your own??!?’) but when he realised I literally sit at a pool in the sun, read books and sleep and come home happier he’s been supportive of them ever since.

Why?

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but your dh sounds fucking awful.
Unless he changes you will end up very u happy, or divorced.
Anyway, enjoy the time with your friends op and don’t lose your friendships.

Check the hotel has a bath, many don't these days!

What is strange is why the baby needs to go to your mums. What is the point of 'D'H then?

My husband would encourage this.

I imagine that is the opposite of what that poster was getting at!! If you’re on maternity leave looking after your joint baby, he SHOULD be paying for all. And it still wouldn’t be ‘him’ paying, it’s ‘we’.

She's out for lunch and taking AL so assume he will be at work.

Go to the hotel OP. My DH used to tell me to go to a hotel or mums if I was getting overwhelmed. As much it it was seen as unkind at the time it certainly helped.

In the background he needs to step up. You both wanted the baby as you say, so he needs to be doing his bit else the baby ends up at your mum's more!

Well I can see how he's concerned, at this early sign that his domestic service droid may be malfunctioning. I mean, what next? You might start making him do his fair share of childcare when you ARE home. Slippery slope.

Tell him to stop being daft, and go.

This. I have the t-shirt.

Never supported me when I had our children to have any me time. Exact same narrative, you wanted them etc etc.

I got suffocated, now divorced.

He's not a good husband or partner and doesn't give a shit about your well being.

Nip this one OP or you'll end up very very unhappy and more trapped.

Is he at work all night too?

Because it's midweek, he has work, her mother offered to take the baby overnight which was the original trigger. The dad (while yes a bit of a twat) is looking after the child for a weekend while the OP goes to a hen next month....

It's perfectly normal for loving grandparents to want to have their grandkids.

Just go to the hotel! Your DH is being unreasonable. It’s one night. I’m guessing he’s been out and about more than you since you had the baby. You are so ‘on’ as a mum when they are little that you really do need some downtime to recharge.

I hope you have a lovely time. I'd expect your husband to be pleased for you. He's being horrible.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with the baby going to her grandma’s. Don’t be ridiculous.

Because she wants to go to a hotel. Why does that confuse so many women on here?

I never thought to do this when mine were little (actually no one offered to have them stay over until they were 5+), but I wish I had done this!!

Enjoy your night alone. It sounds incredible when you’re in the depths of 11-month old!! That age is wonderful but exhausting!!

Because she is the OP and therefore automatically wrong on AIBU.

Yeah, it's selfish. Selfish is NOT always a bad thing and putting yourself first here is the right thing to do. You get the chance to sleep, relax, look after yourself for a change. Your mum gets the chance to spend time with grandbaby. Whiny man has to cook his own tea.

I have 4 adult children, and both exh and I got time out away from home. We were both better parents for it. Maybe it's time to make it a fairly regular thing.