Solo night away - dh not happy

[Twosugarsplzz]

Hello

I have an 11month baby boy. My mum has looked after him, one on one, a handful of times and had him overnight once (just a few weeks ago). He slept through (unusual!), ate all his dinner (again unusual!) And even let my mum brush his teeth. I was shocked but pleased. Anyway, two of my close friends are on annual leave and have asked if I fancied lunch at theirs in a few days time. I agreed. I checked if my mum could look after baby (as dh working) and she said yes. I would have taken baby but their flat is very small and they have a dog who i haven't met yet. My baby boy wants to crawl everywhere and I dont know this dog. My friends live near my mums house (i live an hour away from family and friends).
As mentioned, my mum said she would look after baby and then offered to take him overnight that same day too! I said no, I was only seeing friends for lunch. But then, after a few really bad sleepless nights, I thought, I could book a hotel and stay there while baby stays at my mums that night. She gets to spend time with grandson, she offered overnight, and I could catch up on sleep! I thought about asking dh to join but its too short notice for him to get time off work and then we'd have to think about what to do with our dog etc. I would have stayed at my mums but she lives in a flat and doesnt have much room. I would be sleeping on the couch. Or my mums room with my mum on the couch (i cant do that!).
So I was telling dh my idea of booking the hotel, room service, long bath, early night etc and he is really not happy. Told me its lazy and why am I desperate to get away from baby. I told him I am not and he told me I would be hitting the roof if other way around. I said damn right, cause you dont even do wake ups so yeah. He's now pissed at me.
We started talking again and he said he was taken back by my suggestion and he thinks its pretty selfish I would disappear to a hotel. He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.
He is blowing this out of proportion but now I feel like shit. What would u do???

Haven't RTT. Jesus, the bad behaviour of so many men never ceases to amaze me. You tell him that you are the 24-hour carer of your baby, you carried him and birthed him and do the lion's share of his care, you are an excellent mother and you deserve a nice night off. Us woman HAVE to stand up for ourselves more and tell it like it is.

Plus it’s none of @Applecup’s never mind what OP does or where OP goes or whether OP stays in Highclere Castle or a hotel.

Glad you've booked it and are looking forward to it, and that DH has apologised. Enjoy!!

You book that hotel and enjoy every single moment of it ☺️ you DESERVE it!

Did you know that only a few species enter the true menopause and that’s ( from the top of my head) great apes, whales. Elephant females also have greatly reduced fertility but not a true menopause. That’s because the success of the species depends upon the matriarchal knowledge being passed down and on them helping to support the younger generation. Is a fascinating concept that also explains why we adult human females go through menopause. Your mum is doing exactly what her instincts are telling her to do and you need to use your support village to the benefit of you and your baby. If your DH can’t see that this only benefits you and your kiddo going forward then maybe you need to address this through counselling? Could it be sone sort of resentment ? Jealousy? ( you know, from sleeping through every night 😂🤷🏼‍♀️).

https://www.nwf.org/Magazines/National-Wildlife/2024/Winter/Animals/Mammals-Human-Menopause

I come at this from your DM's point of view. DIL recently went back to work part time. I'm too ill to provide fixed days of childcare (I have a life limiting condition), I still absolutely love spending time with DGD. I take her for brunch at least once a week and if DIL wants a break I jump at the chance, so does her DM.
DS works long hours, but they share the night wakes and responsibilities when they're both at home. DS would never question DIL's desire to have some 'me' time, either alone or them together.
DIL is a wonderful DM. I think it makes her a better parent if she wants to book an extra pilates session, go for a swim or have lunch with friends because it's good for her to have a break. Plus, it makes for a more confident DC (DGC is brilliant) who doesn't get upset when away from her parents.

Go and have fun!

It’s great your son has such a loving and caring relationship with your mother.

Your DH sounds jealous. Does he ever go out?

WTF is his problem? It’s not as though he’s left holding the proverbial. He could fuck off to a hotel too if he wanted.

Why the fuck is it up to him as you have arranged everything, he doesn't even have to look after his child on his own for one night (which would also be entirely reasonable?) His opinion is not required. When DDs were 4 and 1 I went away for the weekend and DH looked after them.

Why do you need time away from the baby? Er, to retain your sanity?

He said I wanted a baby, as did he, so I dont get to just ditch him and go to a hotel whenever I like.

Be cautious of men who distort reality to make an argument. One night in a hotel in a year is in no way “whenever you like”. Is he in the habit of wildly exaggerating things you’ve said or done and then reacting to the exaggerated version he has made up rather than the reality?

He doesn't even do any part of bedtime? Bloody hell.

I've booked myself a couple of times to have a decent night sleep and mroe importantly a long leisurely coffee and shower the next morning!
My partner thought it was a great idea

He’s jealous. Either he’s upset that you’d rather have a decent night’s sleep away from him & he would prefer you spend it with him OR he thinks you’re planning on shagging someone else.

Definitely do it! When my last baby was 9 months, I left the kids with DH and had a night alone in a spa hotel! Dh paid for it as a Christmas present (I asked for it.) I arrived at 4pm, had a massage, had a solo dinner and huge glass of wine, bath, book, bed. I slept 12 hours in an enormous bed and it was amazing. Baby not a good sleeper so this was my first night with no wake ups in 9 months. I felt so much better for it. Your husband is being really mean spirited and implying that you want to be away from your baby is totally missing the point. Of course you love your baby but you are human and its one night in 11 months! X

Book the hotel.

How dare he. Let him walk a mile in your shoes. He should be ashamed of his judgemental BS.

I stay in hotels regularly for work and I've not once had a good night's sleep. Hotels are noisy places and theres always people talking, walking up corridors and closing doors through the night. I would have driven home to have a good night sleep in my own bed.

Sounds amazing.
Part of the reason you need a break is because he doesn’t pull his weight. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.

Also, don’t let him guilt trip you. Wanting a night off from parental responsibilities doesn’t mean you don’t want your baby. Everyone is entitled to a break.

It is selfish but there is nothing wrong with that. Many women, particularly mothers are so used to putting others first and men, like your DH are used to that too.

Book the hotel, enjoy your sleep.

Why is it selfish?

Maybe he’d like to have the baby overnight on his own instead of the baby staying with your Mum. No? Thought not.

Every mum needs a break at some point.
doesn’t make you a bad parent. We all need to recharge if and when we can.

enjoy your night away and I hope you have the best night!

Even if she wasn’t earning via working outside the home whilst on maternity leave, it sounds like she has been looking after his child for nearly 24 hours/day. If she wasn’t doing it he’d have to do it himself or they would have to pay for childcare. Regardless of whether she is receiving a paycheck she deserves this break and rest if they can afford it together as a couple.

OP, I had a poor sleeper and live very far from my mum. The first night she came to visit I hadn’t slept in 4 months. She sat up all night in the lounge holding my child and rocking her back to sleep immediately every time she stirred so that I could get a proper rest 🥹. Enjoy every minute, it will be bliss.

He’s a knob. Do it and enjoy yourself. Don’t give in to him or else you’ll be setting a precedent x