AIBU to expect rent from my 20-year-old daughter living at home?

[changednameagain1234]

Morning all,

My dd20 lives at home.

She often stays over at boyfriend’s house. She could be there 3 days and nights, then home from a day then back again. She also could be home for 5 days and go there at the weekend. Sometimes I feel she is never here, then other times she is here for a week.

She now has a job in same town as boyfriend, so it feels like home every other night (works part time, hours change weekly).

We are really struggling financially. I mentioned her paying rent and it was a flat out no. She says as she is rarely here why should she.

I do understand her 20 year old view on this, but at the end of the day she does no housework apart from will clean bathroom about once a week if lucky. Doesn’t help with cooking or do her own laundry, put her dishes in dishwasher, you get the picture.

She does however take 1 hour showers or run a huge deep bath.

What is fair here? What would you do?

Thanks

I also doubt she raises it by much, she’s likely there less than half the month, other than water, and I’m not sure I believe she’s in there regularly for a full hour, and cost of additional food laundry won’t be much.

the op can’t profit out her, but paying her way is an acceptable ask. Some people on here are really grabby with money, even their kids.

The Oo has made no suggestion she intends to profit from her daughter.

And some peoole need to check their privilage
All this i could never charge my precious little poppet anything for living at home
Or i do charge my child but secretly save it for them
I mean thats fine but these posters need to.realise not all families can afford to have an adult child living at home earning a wage and not contributing anything .

You need to spell out clearly how much the house costs to run, including everything - if she's never paid bills she probably has no clue how expensive it is.

Then you tell her what a fair share of that will be. 20% probably.

And point out that she's taking up a room in the house which could be rented to a lodger so unless she wants to give that up, she has to pay her fair share.

Why on earth should she pay 20 percent that’s so grabby. If she was there or not they’d still have those bills.

whats wrong with people. They see money and jist want it.

I guess the issue a few people are pointing out is if she is there as little as the OP suggests and uses limited resources (doesn't eat meals with them) and presuming the OP would be using a normal amount of electricity (lights on) then actually the real issue is what will the OP do if and when DD leaves home? Is the plan to rent out her room, as if this is the reality of the financial situation at home then that needs explaining to DD that the house is currently unaffordable.

Absolutely, there will be limited additional costs. But of course she should [pay those if the op is struggling. But posters egging the op to get her hands in her daughter’s pocket and cash in is abhorrent. 20 percent. I can’t beleive people are almost salivating suggesting it.

As a parent who doesnt charge any rent until they are in fulltime employment, in this instance i most certainly think its reasonable that she either contributes or moves out.
She canr have it both ways.
Either shes at home and makes a contribution to living costs, or she moves out and therefore wipes out any cost she may have been to you.
Having a soft place to fall when the fella isnt available is a privelage not a right and she shld contribute for that alone.
As for laundry? I havent done laundry for my lassies in donkeys years except for exam season. They never paid rent but by golly they pulled their weight at home.
Time for a reality check for your wee missy. This is about so much more than money.
She has no respect for the support you provide. Outrageous.

I agree with this. Your dd may soon be moving out for good. I think it would be more sustainable to try and find other ways of making ends meet that do not rely on her.

It seems less about making a profit and more spelling out to adult children that they need to start pulling their weight (financially and chores) if they want to continue living under their roof.

Since she doesnt eat with you, and isn't at home regularly, I don't understand how her presence is pushing your bills up that much to be honest. It sounds like you want to use her to make up the defecit in your income, which is really sad.

My parents weren't wealthy but let my brother and I (and occasionally my future DH) live at home to save for mortgage deposits. I will always appreciate that.

You had wealthy parents ,the Op is struggling financially.

But I guess the point I am making is that the OP will be struggling regardless. What will the OP do if DD says she is going to stay with the boyfriend in that case?

I feel more worried that she is freeloading at the boyfriends house. If she is staying there the majority of the time using their resources she should be paying them rent.

She does sound entitled though and this has been enabled by various others in her life (grandparents, parents and now bf and his family).

I certainly did not have wealthy parents, and OP shouldn't rely on her own child to make up for her own financial shortcomings, especially since she's barely there.

The house is her nominal residence and is available to her whether or not she chooses to be there. As a member of the household she should make a contribution and that principle shouldn't be negotiable. The OP needs to state an amount and tell her to set up a direct debit for payment or move out.

The cheeky mare! When my DD was 20 and working part time, she paid £200 a month. She also did all of her own laundry and paid for her own driving lessons, theory test, insurance etc etc. She also emptied the dishwasher etc.
Your DD is bang out of order. Does her boyfriend stay at yours? My DS also stays at his girlfriend's house maybe half the week but she stays here too. Swings and roundabouts. He still has to pay his rent to us!

Sorry i misread ,the point is your parents were able to accomadate yoy without struggling financially ,the Op cant
I cant afford to keep my19 year old son when he leaves college in a few months he knows this and is busy applying for jobs.

it sounds very difficult if she is hardly there to charge her rent
how to justify?
can you just leave her washing for her to do?
show her the water bill and perhaps ask for an amount to over that?

Have you lost benefits - e.g. child benefit since she went over 18?

easy way would be to point that out

or sit her down and show her costs of bills etc. and what % of your income they now take - she needs a reality check

or just show her this thread?!

It would be beneficial in giving impartial advice if the OP would tell us if she and her partner both work full time and how she would afford to live if her daughter didn’t live at home.

Sit her down with a spreadsheet of bills and expenses that the household has to pay. Tell her nobody gets to live for free and what she has to pay you is a fraction of what it costs to live independently.

Work out how much your costs are increased by having her there, and charge her that much - and no more. Disregard her income, charge her what you need to. She should pay her own costs if you are struggling, but on the flip side profiting off your kids is gross.

So you think she should subsidise her parents? Nice.

She’s not doing her daughter a favour by allowing her not to contribute.

The young lady is an adult
She should know how much things cost