AIBU to expect rent from my 20-year-old daughter living at home?

[changednameagain1234]

Morning all,

My dd20 lives at home.

She often stays over at boyfriend’s house. She could be there 3 days and nights, then home from a day then back again. She also could be home for 5 days and go there at the weekend. Sometimes I feel she is never here, then other times she is here for a week.

She now has a job in same town as boyfriend, so it feels like home every other night (works part time, hours change weekly).

We are really struggling financially. I mentioned her paying rent and it was a flat out no. She says as she is rarely here why should she.

I do understand her 20 year old view on this, but at the end of the day she does no housework apart from will clean bathroom about once a week if lucky. Doesn’t help with cooking or do her own laundry, put her dishes in dishwasher, you get the picture.

She does however take 1 hour showers or run a huge deep bath.

What is fair here? What would you do?

Thanks

@changednameagain1234

I am going to ask whether she really understands that you are struggling ?

My two younger DC understand how DH and I manage our money and they have grown up seeing our spreadsheets. They know we save incrementally each month and roughly what we earn and what our costs are.

Id like to think if our DC were in your position they would really undeestand that we must be quite short to be asking for money.

I say this because 20 is extremely young and being a adult for a mere two years doesn't bestow on someone a gift of context and hindsight and what money is.

They are still leaning .

So I would be asking as a parent why doesn't my young person understand this and what can I do to actually show her we are short ,how and why and how we manage our money and what her money would do to ease the situation.
In a nice way I would try and do this and put it into context for her

She can't see your point of view as she is living a dream life where she doesn't have to pay rent or work full time. She has no experience of the ordinary obligations of an adult.

Letting a child stay for free when you can afford it is not applicable in this case as the OP needs to show her daughter that bumming around at 20 only doing part-time work is not acceptable. It would be enabling her daughter to be a loser to sub her any further.