AIBU to envy friends with wealthier husbands and easier retirements?

[TheAngryPuxie]

Just had coffee out with a friend and then went back to her house. She is similar in age to me (I am 57) and recently retired. I know she didn't earn much as she told me that she earnt sround £32,000 a year. My husband, like me, is a teacher and IS close to retiring. He's on about £44,000. I know that sounds a lot but after mortgage, bills, etc thers's not much left. I try to economise with the food shop, buying supermarket own brands,etc, I buy almost everything in charity shops, discount stores, etc. We rarely eat out or have takaways. My friend's husband runs his own business and, I don't know what he makes, but when I saw their house I was stunned. It is absolutely beautiful with 5 double bedrooms, 3 of them with en-suites, massive kitchen, dining, living room area,, downstairs bathroom and a large utilty room, large garden with another little 'bungalow' at the bottom, plus double garages, etc.

I have worked hard my whole life in a really stressful and demanding job and all of my female friends and colleagues seem to have one thing in commmon: their husbands earn a lot of money meaning they can afford to stay at home or earn a rubbish salary like teaching (which they are doing more as a hobby or for a bit of 'pocket money'). They have long holidays abroad and a lot of other luxuries I just can't afford.

AIBU to envy these women and think that life isn't fair? I love my husband, but sometimes wish he was more ambitious and that I could have a gorgeous house and didn't have to work.

Totally understand this! However, outside of highly stressful jobs in sectors such as Banking or Law the reality is you often won’t be paid that much more for the difference to pay off. Teachers who have the drive for promotions frequently earn 50-70k by 40 years old. It’s rare for an average corporate job even at relatively good places to pay more than this, unless you’re willing to dedicate your life to work.

Full time.

Grow up, OP. Life isn't fair, and why ruin your own happiness with resentment. Some people are rich, some people are beautiful, some people are geniuses, some people have insane good luck - there's always going to be people to envy, so why waste your time with it?

You have a household income close to 90,000 a year.
You could have bought a large house, what did you do with your earnings over the years, if you’re eating supermarket brand foods?
At 57, you wouldn’t be paying for childcare.

That's not a lot in today's climate unfortinately. I am grateful for what I have and though thst I'm much better off yhan a lot of people. It judt seemd that everyond I know has a much better house, etc than me.

Unfortunately many private sector employers pay 3-5% so private sector pensions are tiny in comparison.

That’s simply not true. There are loads of private sector jobs paying way more than that and don’t require you to sell your soul.

They realistically could not have been earning much less than this 20 years ago unless they’ve always been part time. And in most areas of the country this could have bought them a good standard of living + housing then, which would now be mortgage free

Why is it your husband’s fault and not yours?

I was a full time nurse manager. My husband got made redundant so we invested his package in property and bought a flat with the income we bought another and then another. So three flats no mortgages. I retired that 61 as husband had health issues.
im told by friends im lucky. Do they forget i worked 7 days a week to get here. 💁‍♀️

You can swap with me my husband works in retail and earns next to nothing 😅😭 luckily I love him a lot ( I would love a nice big kitchen as well though but this remains a dream 😅)

I’m not one to argue and can see your viewpoint. But statistically it’s simply just rare to have a job in corporate that will pay 80k+ and be a job where you’re not expected to be available at least most of the time. This salary is high in London outside of major corps let alone the rest of the country….

Life is not fair & we do not live in a meritocracy, I hate it too. Envy & jealousy are normal human emotions that we all have to wrestle with. I guess all we can do is try not to dwell on the vicissitudes of life🤷‍♀️

Insulting to say that £32 K isn’t “much” and is a “pocket money” job when the average salary in the UK is around £35 K.
Lost all sympathy for you there.

Me too. His pension will be about £20,000. Mine is about half that because I went part time when I had chidren (God forgive ne for actually wanting to spend some time with mumy own children!) and in my subject the workload is ridiculous and you can't work full time, deal with a family and manage a home too.

Do you get this on top of the state pension?

You don’t earn much above minimum wage but you wish your DH earned more.

I don't get it, either. I guess that doing it as a hobby feels easier because you could just quit whenever you want.

The highest employer pension contribution I have ever had has been 8%, and I’ve worked for “good” employers (private medical insurance, generous holiday).

Yes the pay is higher in the private sector, sometimes significantly so, but the pension is much worse, many employers pay only statutory minimum which is nowhere near enough.

Anyone who has a career in the public sector who thinks their pension will be “poor” really needs to take a look at what other people are likely to get, then they’ll feel like kings in retirement!

I’m so ignorant when it comes to pensions. Is that £20k a year plus state pension?

I have an incredibly rich husband. Beautiful huge house with a swimming pool.
i am so so so unhappy. Yes money makes things easier but there’s a certain type of man who makes the big money. I think I would have taken the nice teacher if I had my time again.

I'm just a bit old-fashioned, I suppose, and I was the one having babies, cleaning, cooking, etc. He ginidhes at 3 and just comes home snd rsrely brings any work home. More money for less work.

My income is 32000 pre tax in retirement. I manage fine. Don’t spend lots of money but enjoy lunch with friends and grandkids days out.

There are also lots of decent guys who just happen to have high paying jobs.

Im sure there are. Am unfortunately yet to meet one as corporate wife