To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

While totally glossing over that this 9 year old child reacts to not being given his seat back with smashing an adult with a load of metal. But according to Mumsnet he is spirited, maybe he is ND, the bf shouldn’t have spoken meanly to him, they are both in the wrong.

Have you also had words with your BF about acting the big man and being a dickhead towards a 9 year old? That’s not a good trait, you know.

But that’s been dealt with. The boy’s mum knows. Nothing seems to have been said to this grown man for acting badly towards a child for no reason. It wasn’t his house, he had no right to be annoyed at the child for being there. It’s OP’s house. If she invited her cousin in then the BF doesn’t get to behave like a dickhead towards him.

Of course you must tell his parents. At least it will give them a chance to take steps to deal with his violence.

Well yeah he’s “nice in general” in the same way that all the men who get convicted of armed robbery and domestic abuse and GBH and worse always have idiot mums or girlfriends who swear they are actually lovely. No he is not a nice boy in any sense of the word. He is a highly volatile, violent, unpredictable boy who doesn’t hesitate to inflict very serious harm on anyone who dares “wrong” him. And unless his mum takes it seriously and pays for intensive therapy and maybe even medication, he will be one of the many violent men terrorising others when he is an adult. And you will probably still be saying how he’s a nice guy as he racks up his 14th GBH conviction.

It hardly need me to add to it but your aunt definitely needs professional help with this boy. I read yesterday of a couple of teenage boys who hit a man in his 70s after he remonstrated with them about throwing a log at a cyclist. The man has died. Do you want your nephew to become one of those boys?

Also, I'd be more worried about bf's bad headache after being struck with a scooter. But I'm sure you've gone to hospital by now and are getting it looked at.

What should be “said” to him? Ffs he told a child to play elsewhere and didn’t give him his seat back. Who actually cares? If the OP thinks he was mean she can tell him. If I were him I’d dump OP with her psycho cousin in case the tendency to extreme violence is a genetic trait.

Yeah because that’s the pressing issue here. How very dare he be mean to little Johnny and tell him to play somewhere else. Little Johnny obviously had no option but to strike him in the head with a scooter and stamp on his wrist.

"And to everyone saying he isn’t a nice boy, he actually is. Having anger issues doesn’t mean he isn’t nice in general"

Sure he is. There are plenty of women on here who have "nice" husbands except for when they get angry and hit them....

You can't excuse or minimise a young boys anger issues unless you are happy for him to become a man with anger issues..

I would imagine the priority would be to make sure the BF’s injuries have been attended to and there’s no lasting or underlying damage from this violent assault.

Angry children become angry adults if they are not given the correct help, support and consequences for their actions at an early age.
Angry adults end up dead or in jail.

You did the right thing by telling your aunt. Now follow it up by ditching the boyfriend who sounds like an idiot.

What are you on about?

The fact that it’s really unimportant what was said to the cousin and doesn’t really sound bad anyway (telling a kid to go away and play somewhere else isn’t terrible). If you had told a child to play elsewhere and got hit in the face with a metal object in response, would you take kindly to being pulled up on “being a dickhead” to said violent disturbed child?

You handled that situation really well. Nice work OP and hopefully bf will recover soon and cousin gets the support he needs. They wouldn't if you hadn't told your aunt ❤️

No, my brother and friends were 20, we were much younger, he told us to move on many times, we would just move on.
I hope his teacher doesn’t berate him for anything, or at least hopefully there is no weapons to use when they do, these heartbreaking daily stabbing incidents happen in the same way, big bad tempers, unable to take direction, pick up weapons, life ends.
This is extremely serious.

Agree with others saying you need to call the police.

I havent read the full thread but agree with you that a child can be a nice child with anger management issues. I feel sorry for these children as their are often misunderstood and not given help they need. Agree it obviously does not come out of nowhere but you likely will never know as if its the parents behaviour you wont know as it happens behind closed door.

Again, what are you on about?

Wasn’t his house, cousin was invited in by the person who lives in the house. Random man doesn’t actually get to say “go away” in any sort of way, let alone “quite mean.” And “doesn’t like kids” so he clearly was being a dickhead.

Totally separate issue to what the kid did, which has already been reported to mum so did I really need to write another reply sharing how awful the kid was and how she must tell his mum? No, I didn’t. It’s been dealt with. But OP is 21, prime age to need some guidance on finding a good man and looking out for worrying behaviour. Being nasty to a 9 year old in a house he was I guess into it by the person who lives there, is not ok and OP needs to think about that sort of behaviour in her partner.

Same to you, what are you on about? I’m guessing you have really badly behaved children that you make excuses for.

Your cousin is not a nice kid- what happens the next time someone annoys him and he lamps them around the head with a scooter? It could be a toddler, an elderly person anyone. I don’t understand why you’re all blaming your bf unless i’ve missed something. He refused to get out of his chair and spoke in a bit of a mean tone. Hardly monster territory.

How do I know what?

Is an adult with anger management issues also a nice person? So if someone is all nice and chatty but if you look at him the wrong way, he will break your nose and put you in hospital, would you still describe him as a nice person?

What are you on about?
Excusing a vicious little boy.
You may live in an ivory tower but I have known a few lads like that as children, they’re criminals now, violent criminals who intimidate people or bums on benefits.

The boyfriend was a guest too.
I don’t how you are excusing it..

Parental guidance is missing here, little Johnny needs boundaries.
Violence should always be the last resort.

What? Are you unwell? What an odd thing to say.

There are two issues here. The kid and the boyfriend. Kid has been dealt with, as far as OP can. She has no control over how the boy’s mum will handle it. So, you can continue to post advice on how to handle the boy all you like, it won’t go anywhere.

The second issue is that a man who was there as a guest felt that he had the right to be mean to and try to control the behaviour of another guest. At 21, OP needs to start watching for the sort of men who want to be in control. There was no need for him to move from his own seat into the kid’s seat and he had no right at all to tell another guest to go elsewhere. He should have directed his request at the OP. This has absolutely nothing to do with how the kid reacted, that’s been dealt with as much as OP can.

Show me any line at all in my comment that excuses the boy’s behaviour? I don’t think I even talked about it.