To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

That's correct, but not really the point! Your cousin clearly needs help as that level of violence is extremely worrying!

Wow. This kid needs action to sort out their anger issues as this is completely unacceptable. Maybe BF was rude to your cousin, but his response was completely unacceptable and he is on a very dangerous path.

I had a cousin like this. He could be lovely too. But by the time he was in his early 20s he was doing time for rape and attempted murder.

I hope you take your BF to the hospital and dump him as soon as he’s out

Bf needs dumping btw. Imagine spending life with someone who doesn’t know how to interact with kids. You did the right thing calling your aunt. Her kid needs help. You need rest x

Your cousin needs to learn actions have consequences, be firm with him on it. Tell his parents.

Your BF is probably embarrassed a kid injured him, but he needs to get medical help. He's an idiot if he thinks he can muster through this, he could have a brain swelling/concussion and a badly set broken bone will plague him for life.

I don't think you're relationship has much legs either - he's a nasty AH speaking to a 9yo like that. Is that normal behaviour? If so I'd get rid.

Fucking hell. I hate to say it but your cousin is a sociopath in the making, seriously assaulting a grown man with a metal object. Of course tell his mum, not that I think that will do much good. If he’s like this at 9, he’s fucked, sorry. Your bf doesn’t sound that nice but he at least didn’t hit anyone and he can make his own medical decisions.

Ive been thinking this the whole thread. I remember having to sit on the floor because an adult had sat in my seat or because I was told to move so an adult could sit down. Pretty sure I've even told my nephew to move to I or another adult could sit.

Your nephew has issues that need dealing with or things would get worse. And putting the blame on your bf is only telling him that his actions were excusable.

This!

I do agree somewhat, but the BF should not have been “mean” because he’s “not much into kids”.

The cousin definitely has issues which people need to be honest about and he needs help.

I dont think we've really been told what exacty was said. OP said he was mean, does she think him telling the kid to move was mean?

You need to dump this man. It will be you he’s nasty to next time. He sounds horrible.

People have taken "in a mean tone" to silly extremes and concluded that the BF is some kind of monster.

So very Mumsnet.

@Zanygreenan how did your bf get on at A&E?
🤞🏻his wrist wasn't broken and he doesn't have concussion!

That level of anger issues is not normal. You boyfriend sat in your cousins seat and spoke in a mean tone which is not good but obv not something that warrants being beaten up. Your cousins behaviour is alarming.

Behave yourself

I think if I were the bf I'd have been concerned that this kid comes from a family of thugs, who might well come round and beat me up or something if I complained (or who might even react violently to anyone who ever so much as said no to the kid. I mean, how else would he get like this?).

OP, you should have called the emergency services when this happened, and asked for both police and ambulance. Which would then have triggered social services involvement - if this family isn't on their radar already, they need to be. There needs to be intervention here; the kid needs professional help. It's not too late to make a report.

Most people, adult abusers included, can be "nice" when they're getting their way. This child is reacting with extreme violence when he doesn't. Stop minimising.

Tell your aunt, ditch your bf.

You've evidently missed the out her parts to the story then. He was also hit in the face with a metal object, and also fell back from a chair, oh and also had to have this little shit of a kid prized off him.

To anyone defending the child, that child needs psychiatric assessment. This is not normal at all and is a huge red flag to think he can lay his hands on other people like that. If that was a child it could have killed them easily. He is not a nice boy and OP you are completely enabling it!! Why on earth did you let this kid come round if you know your boyfriend doesn't like kids!? What were you all doing?

I don’t know if I believe this but if it’s real it is terrifying.
It is also fucking scary that you contemplated keeping it quiet. This is not normal behaviour. Your cousin will most likely end up in prison in a few years time. He and his parents need IMMEDIATE help.

Very odd everyone jumping on the BF, if this is the reaction at how an adult spoke to him, god help any child who speaks ‘mean’ to him that assault could kill a child.
Sounds like the little thug has never had a harsh word said to him and needs one.
His mother being annoyed with bf says it all.

I don't see anything remotely funny in this.

A 9 yr old reacted to losing his seat and a 'mean tone' by picking up his scooter and using it as a weapon against an adult man.

Not in a million years would the man have expected that to happen, so he was defenceless.

No shame in that, amongst normal people anyway.

Not only that, having hit the man with such force to knock him back in the chair onto the ground, 9 yr old then hit him again with the scooter and stomped on his wrist.

He only stopped because OP managed to drag him off.

The BF has probably sustained a concussion and a broken wrist, at the very least.

There are 3 possibilities here:

• 9 yr old behaves like this because this is how he sees the adults in his life behaving.
• this is how he is treated himself.
• he has a serious MH condition (anger management definitely, possibly psychopathic tendencies)

All of these are cause for serious concern, and cousin needs help, support, and treatment.

You have told his parents.
His friend's parents need to know.
You also need to tell your parents when they're back.
His school needs to know.
The police need to know, and will make a referral to SS if necessary.

This boy urgently needs help.

Your cousin has issues.

Tell his parents.

Feel better now? There's always one 🙄

Your cousin isn’t a nice boy. He did this to an adult, imagine what he’s doing to children his own age.

Horrible child.