To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

Sadly, this. He has a major anger problem and it isnt normal.

This.

A BF who is mean to a child and 'not really a child person' (or whatever the quote was) isn't a good person to be around either. If he can't extend basic respect to other humans, if they happen to be a 'child' then who DOES he deem worthy of respect. It speaks volumes as to the person he is.

But the biggest issue IMO at this point in time is the aggressive violent child who needs help.

Are people just really stupid?

Two issues in the OP. One has been dealt with before I commented so there was no need to say anything more. OP doesn’t need to be told to report to the mum when she already had. So I only commented on the second issue. And that means I’m “excusing the boys behaviour.” Are people actually that stupid? I know the average reading age of adults in this country is that of a 10 year old but I really didn’t think comprehension could be this lacking.

I hope the boys mother treats this issue as seriously as it warrants and doesn't just gloss over what happened.
This boy needs professional involvement.
To injure a grown man requires a hell of a lot of violence. Moreover he then tried to manipulate the situation to control you into not telling his parents. If his next trigger is another child he could kill them.
Personally I'd have called the police for advice for the boys own sake. I'd also be letting his school know as other children have a right to be safe there.

Also doesnt matter if the cousin is lovely the other 97% of the time. If 3% of the time this extreme anger happens its a v serious concern. He doesnt seem to be able to control himself when he gets angry.

Huh? Just because his mum 'knows' it doesn't mean it's 'dealt with?'

The boy needs heavy punishment and probably a medical assessment for acting like a complete psychopath who's actions could kill a child.

Honestly the amount of mums, and I hate to say it, boy mums, on here who enable shitty behaviour from young boys part of the reason why there's so much violence towards women and girls.

Might be unpopular with the hand-wringers and do-gooders but I feel sorry for your boyfriend here. He’s 23 and probably didn’t want to be spending his Friday night hanging around your little shit of a cousin, he wanted to spend time with you. Not only did that not happen but he got smashed in the face by a scooter, and now he feels he’s got to hide away because he was attacked by a child, and he’s probably trying to protect him as well (which he shouldn’t be doing). Also: what exactly is a “mean” tone here? This uninvited scruff turns up, refuses to let your boyfriend sit down and won’t go away, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for him to get a talking to.

At the very least you ought to tell your aunt, she’s raising a thug and he needs to be stopped. The fact he’s previously been fighting says it all. Depending on your relationship with your family I’d consider telling the police. It’s assault, after all, but I understand you may not want to if the aunt is as feral as the child.

I wonder if it was an e-scooter as well…

I said it is dealt with as far as the OP can deal with it. You can continue saying what should happen and what the mum needs to do, but the mum isn’t reading this. OP could call the police, but she’s been given that advice and the BF has said no. But all the comments telling her what needs to happen to this boy… why? What do you actually think she can do?

And please can you highlight the section of my comments where I excuse this boy’s behaviour, or say it’s ok, or say anything about it at all?

There is nothing OP can do about this boy. But she is in a position to do something about her shitty boyfriend. A controlling man isn’t a good man. We don’t just deal with bad boys as chicken, we need to also deal with them as adults.

Some people really are just stupid though.

I agree

I remember as a child visiting a house and sitting in a chair. The dad came in and told me to move as it was his chair. I did as I was told. No answering back. No violence from me. I find it odd that people (including cousin's mum) are placing any of the blame on OP's boyfriend.
Behaviour was better in schools back then too, not surprisingly

Cousin sounds like a little psychopath. He needs help now before he grows with these tendencies. Imagine what he'd be like as a teen. Help him before it's too late.

It is not about blame. They are totally separate issues. The BF is not to blame. He didn’t incite the behaviour. He didn’t have it coming. He didn’t cause it.
They are separate issues. If the boy had simply moved and left, and no violence happened but OP started a thread saying, “My bf was visiting when my 9 year old cousin came over. I invited him in, we were all sitting down and my cousin got up for a minute. My BF then moved to take his chair and when my cousin came back, my BF refused to let him sit back in his chair and told him to go somewhere else in quite a mean way. AIBU to think it wasn’t ok to treat my cousin like that?”
Then most replied would say the BF was unreasonable to behave like that as a guest, or to be mean to a child or to think he could control the situation in that way after OP invited her cousin in. She would also get replies saying the kid shouldn’t have been there, but that was OP’s choice.

These are separate issues. OP has done what she can about her cousin’s violence behaviour. She doesn’t have any control there. But she does have control over choosing a good man to date.

Absolutely tell the parents - the kids got anger issues at 9!!!!! He needs help!! I’d be more worried about how hes gonna grow up and how he will end up treating peers when he doesn’t get his own way!!

No I think it’s just you who falls into that category.

I wouldnt have said he was being unreasonable. I have been told and told a child to move and let an adult sit down. Its nothing to do with control. I would have also been told I got up so sit somewhere else. I never hit anyone with a scooter.
I think OP is trying to minimise what happened by saying her bf was mean by not moving. Her bf came round to spend time with his gf i dont think its unreasonable to ask the kids to play somewhere else either.

YABU to suggest anyone could or should "pop into A&E". You mean go there and sit around for 8 hours+
Given it might be broken or it might just be a sprain which needs an elastic bandage from a shop I would definitely wait and see.
Of course if you could just pop into A&E then it might be worth it but you can't.

No, there are a few other posters who have said she needs to get rid of the idiot boyfriend. You just decided to come after me. Very very weird.

Okaaaaayy then

Having ‘anger issues’ is the very definition of a person who isn’t nice. It doesn’t matter if they’re ‘nice’ some of the time, their whole demeanour is a threat - ‘do what I want or I’ll lash out at you.’ It’s abusive.

And as for the bf not being a ‘child person’. He’s a child himself. I hope this incident makes him reflect that he just can’t casually be a dick.

And as for you op, I note that at 21 you’ve been left to manage disregulated male behaviour and violence. And you’ve had to call in another woman to support you. Please don’t think that that is normal, or what your role should be in life. Normal nice men are self controlled and civilised and nice to be around. Look for that in future. If you find yourself mopping up after dickhead males then that’s a big red flag.

That the thread isn’t real??

A head injury impairs judgement. Fairly recent proticol is that the emergency services take over care, using guidance, rather than allowing the patient to refuse treatment. This was after deaths, because people were allowed to say they felt fine. It's also why we don't allow boxers to decide to carry on. However, the BF accepted that he needed to get himself checked out.
@Zanygreenan your BF is happy to take advantage of someone he thinks he's physically stronger than, you need to think about that. The boys parents should be using this incident to get their son help. He will soon be able to be criminally charged and events will take over.

It seems odd that your boyfriend does not want you to tell anyone.

Has he got something to hide? Did something happen between your cousin and your boyfriend when you were not present?

That might be reasonable advice for a possible broken wrist. It's not reasonable advice for multiple serious head injuries.

@Kokonimater
most likely he doesn’t want anyone to know he was attacked by a 9yr old thug, stop looking for excuses for the child who could have killed him.

He absolutely should NOT lie to anyone "to protect your cousin".

The police need to be informed.

This was a serious violent assault with very little provocation by a 9 yr old child on a 23 yr old man!