To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

I'd strongly encourage the bf to go to A&E. A massive headache after an assault like this could indicate concussion and none of you really want to deal with the consequences of severe untreated concussion which are very serious.

The victim blaming is quite shocking. Yes an adult should not be rude or 'mean' to a child but that doesn't mean it's ok for the cousin to batter him like this. Such an assault with a weapon is really serious. And it's totally disproportionate. Normal 9 year old do not react like this to someone being mean to them.

Your bf should really tell the police. Although a child under 10 can't be charged with a criminal offence it doesn't mean there are no consquences that can be applied.

And the cousin needs help. This is not normal behaviour. A child who explodes like this is a danger to the people around him. What if another child is 'mean' to him, is he going to launch a similar attack? He could kill someone.

The way both you and your aunt seem keen to deflect from who is really to blame here might go someway to explaining the behaviour. But you need to stop doing that. He can't be allowed to think this kind of thing is ok or that you will cover it up for him. It's not doing him any favours. He will only get bigger and stronger and do more damage in the future.

You did the right thing OP. As a parent I would always want to know if my child had behaved badly.

It's quite shocking behaviour for a 9yo. Very aggressive. He has some serious issues and needs help.

There are only two answers to your post. Ditch the boyfriend as he cannot man up and be able, at 23 years of age, to deal with children properly. What would happen if you decided to have any with him.

The second answer is obvious, your cousin has major anger issues and needs help. Therefore, you need to tell his parents.

By saying nothing you enable and, condone both of their behaviours. This could potentially lead you into a controlling and dangerous relationship and put any other people that come into your cousins sphere at risk also. It is definitely not normal that a 9 year old has anger issues of this magnitude. Something is very badly wrong in his small world.

He’s a violent child and out of control. He needs help and his parents should know

Please don’t call an ambulance for this nonsense. They’re for saving lives.
your boyfriend knows he is going to be in trouble. That’s what I see

That’s some serious anger from a 9 year old 😬 you’ve no choice but to tell his parents. If the kid assaults someone like that in a few years time he could end up in serious trouble with the police. It’s for the kids one good

BF clearly embarrassed by being beaten up by a nine year old and why he won’t want anyone knowing. Might teach him to be kinder next time although the reaction from your cousin was unacceptable.

I am in the fourth month of a recovering from a broken wrist after a fall. I can not believe just how much pain l have been in.

And how it has affected and restricted my everyday activities. Great your boy friend to a hospital straight away

Your darling,little cousin sounds as though has real behavioural and anger management problems. And us just allowed to get away with his behaviour as though it is normal.

Maybe he needs to see a Child Psychologist.

This exactly. If this continues and he’s up in court in a few years for violent assault, I’m not sure the judge will share your view of him….

In trouble for what?

Saying "fuck off and play over there" in a "mean tone"? If that.

What law has he broken, exactly?

Surely the obvious reason is that he fafo and got battered by a kid.

What???

So if someone sits in your seat and won’t move, it’s ok to smash them in the face twice and then stamp on their wrists when they’re in the ground?

Are you fucking ok??

Sounds like your cousin is heading for real trouble ahead if he cannot control himself. Yes your boyfriend might have been a dick but lots of adults tell children to play elsewhere without being hit in the face with a scooter. You have to tell your aunt and parents and take dickhead boyfriend to the hospital. This could be ABH.

It’s good that you told your aunt. She needed to know.

Your BF was a bit of a dick, but your cousins reaction to that was wildly disproportionate and he clearly has serious anger management issues.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, your BF said and did excuses your cousins psychotic behaviour.

If he does end up being extremely violent and dangerous when he's older the parents will be to blame for not getting him help

@kkloo It's definitely what the parents must do, but apparently you can't cure a psychopath - they can only do the right thing and pray for the best.

I think the poster was talking about the fact you’re uninterested in the fact that cousin is a psychotic child who is likely to turn into a violent and aggressive man if his behaviour is not dealt with asap.
DP wouldn’t give up seat and told him to go and play. Big deal - he’s the adult and cousin should have complied. Op really isn't at fault here.

Don’t be so melodramatic.

The BF is 23, not 33 or 43

He’s not long out of being a kid himself and is still maturing. There’s not that many 23 year olds that will have patience for kids. Especially if the kid is being an irritating little brat.

some of these responses are wild…..
the cousin needs help, I hope the bf is ok and quite honestly he’s lucky the kid didn’t kill him. What if that had been another child that had sat in his seat, his friend that was there for example. I was told to move out of chairs many times as a kid, as was my son. My dad’s friend gave me a clip round the ear when I was little for misbehaving, did I attack him? No I behaved and moved on….

Your boyfriend sounds like he was agitated as he was looking forward to a cozy evening with you and wanted the kids out of the way. However, the reaction of your cousin is frankly frightening and criminal. You need to tell your aunt and your parents immediately. To be blunt, he needs immediate help before he kills someone. Don't cover up for him.

Oh my days, at 23 some people are parents and running successful businesses.

guess you’re being a boy mum who babies her boys?

Of course his mum needs to know the child's a vicious brat

I get your fellas embarrassed he got assaulted by a child but he needs to get checked out at a and e and brat needs discipline

Why did your bf sit in the chair?

Where had he been sitting before?

Was it to annoy the kid?

All of that said, who expects to be hit in the face with a scooter?

Let alone then hit again whilst on the floor & then deliberately stamped on?

Cousin sounds like a psychopath.

If your cousin did this to an adult, he could do it to a child. Imagine what this assault would have done to a child. You need to tell your aunt and involve the police.

You have to stop saying he's a nice boy overall. Battered wives all over the world will tell you their partner was nice 95% of the time. It was only the 5% of the time when they were smashing then around the head and breaking their bones that they were unpleasant. Take this as a wake up call, next time he might kill someone.

No, I don’t have any kids. So your childish assumptions are way off.

Of course people can do those things. SOME people. Not everyone is the same. Many 23 year olds are still maturing. Or is that too much of a wild concept for you to grasp? 🙄

In trouble for what ? He moved into the boy’s seat when he got up and told him to go and play somewhere else. The exchange may have been rude but he’s done nothing wrong whereas the child has reacted with extreme violence.