To tell/not tell family after cousin hit BF with scooter? Both don’t want me to

[Zanygreenan]

I’m 21, my mum and dad are in Cancun this week for their 25th anniversary so I’m home alone this week. I invited my boyfriend, 23, round for a stopover tonight for a bit of company and my little cousin, 9, who lives on our estate one street away, popped in whilst playing out on his scooter with a friend.

We were sitting in the garden and my cousin was sat in a seat and got up for a drink and my BF sat in his seat whilst he was gone. Cousin asked him to move and BF refused and telling cousin and his friend to play somewhere else (with a mean tone). Cousin was angry that he refused to move and then hit BF in the face with his scooter. BF fell back out of the chair and then cousin hit him once more with the scooter and stamped on his wrist. I then managed to pull cousin off him and sent him in the house. Then I rinsed off the blood from BF’s face and then he sat down in the conservatory.

He has a massive headache and can’t move his wrist. BF doesn’t want anyone to know about the interaction and doesn’t want to go to hospital but he may have broken his wrist so I suggested it would be best to pop into A&E to check? Cousin has asked me not to say anything to his mum (my aunt) or my mum because he doesn’t want to get into trouble considering that he has already had a fight at school last year. Cousin is a nice boy overall but he doesn’t react well to confrontation and gets aggressive quickly and BF’s attitude towards him this afternoon topped him over the edge.

My aunt has just text me asking to walk cousin back to theirs as it’s starting to get dark out. I don’t know what to do as cousin is begging me not to say anything and BF also doesn’t want me to say anything either but if I don’t say anything it’ll look bad on me when eventually when his and my parents find out. I just feel like I’m stuck in the middle of an awkward situation.

What should I do?

Oooh yay let’s victim blame and invent a whole back story about how he deserved to be hit with a scooter. Wonder if you’d be saying the same if OP was the one that the cousin lamped. Or maybe his mum. Some kids are vicious thugs, like this one. I hope for the love of God that the mum takes it seriously or we might be reading about her in ten years time, as we did with Angela Shellis. From the way that she directed her annoyance at the boyfriend though, I doubt that very much and this horrible boy will continue to harm people.

I’m not saying he has to lie but a man is going to struggle to say I got battered by a 9 year old.

Yeah, fuck accuracy! Let's all just make it up as we go along 😄

Christ, who rattled your cage. Take a pill.

"hope this incident makes him reflect that he just can’t casually be a dick."

Right so if it was a female f getting battered , she should also reflect that she can't be a dick / bitch whatever. Guess they were asking for it?

Sounds like victim blaming to me....

BF is an adult
If be doesn't want to go to A&E you can't force him

@Zanygreenan we're you with them the whole time, to be sure thats all you BF said/did the entire time your cousin was there?

For you, your aunt to not be happy with him, and your cousins extreme reaction, it sounds like it may have been more than something being said in a 'mean way'.

Must have been the victim’s fault, right? You don’t think this little shit would have piped up about it being something else when his mum was told about it? Some people are just violent psychos and yes, it usually starts in childhood. And the OP has said the cousin has anger issues generally.

Please tell us that your bf is in A&E, and that no lies were told as to how his injuries were sustained. The BF might have been rude, but your cousin's reaction is really worrying and authorities should be aware.

Agreed, it's concerning that the mother was directing blame at the boyfriend.

I wonder if he's seeing violence or rages in the home or if he's on the receiving end of them.

If she's a good mum then she should get him help, I know she will be concerned that he'll get in trouble but with early intervention she may be able to prevent this from escalating. I know a mother who was concerned her son was a psychopath and brought him for assessments and therapy etc.

If he does end up being extremely violent and dangerous when he's older the parents will be to blame for not getting him help and doing their best to give him a chance. It's not like he can take himself off to a therapist or interventions. It's the parents job to do so.

OP - you did the right thing in telling your aunt.

You had a duty of care towards your cousin as he is a child and you were the adult present. A duty of care involves telling the parent of any dangerous or disordered behaviour and it is absolutely not a normal reaction to hit someone in the face with a metal object, twice, and then deliberately stamp on them. Any parent would want to know what had happened in such an incident.

So given all that, it wasn't your BF's decision as to whether your aunt was told.

Your BF is an adult and can make his own decision about going to A&E - it's good that he went - but either way you do not call an ambulance for a swollen wrist. Unless there is bone poking out through the skin or uncontrolled bleeding.

I hope your aunt is able to address your cousin's behaviour and get to the bottom of why he reacts so violently, I hope your BF has suffered no serious damage and I hope your BF realises how nasty he was, and that his behaviour was out of order even if the only reaction had been your cousin looking sad.

He shouldn't struggle to say it, it's what happened.

And he got battered out of the blue by a 9 yr old boy USING A SCOOTER. Of course that's going to hurt, and cause some damage.

A 9 yr old throwing a punch at an adult - different story.

He is a grown up?

I'm not excusing the boys behaviour at all. It's bloody extreme and "anger issues" doesnt cover what he did. Clearly the boy and his parents need help with hos behaviour.

I was asking whether OP had witnessed all the interactions beforehand, as OP states they are not 'happy' with the BF. It just sounds like there might be more that triggered the cousin.

Hospital.
Tell cousins parents.

Need to tell your cousin's mother. Also need to probably ditch your boyfriend if he gets kicks out of winding up nine year olds

You should really tell your aunty. Because your cousin in the wrong for reacting like that. And for your bf really getting rude to your cousin. You should of back your cousin and ended it from there.

You should really tell your aunty. Because your cousin in the wrong for reacting like that. And for your bf really getting rude to your cousin. You should of back your cousin and ended it from there.

💯 % tell your aunt befpre he kill’s someone, if you don’t and this happens you’ll feel even worse and actually condoning the behaviour, the boy needs help.

re your bf, 23… if he don’t want to go hospital that’s his problem he’s an adult, personally I’d kick him out for the night though as if he decides to expire from head injury it’s not your problem. Also sounds like a bit of a dick, so my advice is to kick him out for good - they only get worse.

Dont surround yourself with angry males, of any age, put yourself first.

If all he did was sit in a seat (sounds like there wasn’t another????) and then refuse to move.

im not sure thats that bad?
I’d have made mine sit on the floor or my lap or get another chair at that age.

Of course you should tell your 9 year old cousins mother than he assaulted your boyfriend. That was really violent for a 9 year old and needs to be dealt with and kept an eye on.

Most of all huge red flags for you boyfriend, was he drinking? It's not normal for an adult to get that angry with a child. I'd be fuming if he talked to my child that way. No doubt your cousins parents and his friends parents are fuming as well. I wouldn't allow him unattended near your boyfriend after that.

Tou definitely need to tell his parents, get him some help and prevent him from murdering someone when he gets older. Nobody is benefitting from it being covered up and if the friend has already told his parents, it will get back to your cousin's mum in no time anyway.
BF is probably just embarrassed that he was beaten up by a 9 year old, he was stupid to provoke him but even so, it didn't deserve that level of violence.
Better to tell her now before she has the Police tell her of another incident in the not too distant future, it will only be a few months before he would be criminally responsible if someone were to press charges, she needs warning about the kind of child she is bringing up.
If someone had intervened with some of the people I work with, when they were younger, they might be in a lot better place now.

Take him to A&E, he possibly has concussion and a possible wrist fracture, no one is covered in glory in this situation but he needs to get checked out

I understand why your BF feels a bit embarrassed, being beaten up by a 9 year old, but he is being silly. I'm glad he decided to get his wrist checked in the end. Hope he's OK.

Your cousin's behaviour is extremely worrying, and you all need to take it very seriously. If I have understood your post correctly, he hit BF with a heavy object hard enough to knock him off the chair, then stood over him to hit him again with the same object as he lay prone on the floor, and also stamped on him hard enough to break a bone.

I don't think I am exaggerated to say he could quite easily kill someone with this level of violence. Not intentionally I am sure, but a head injury inflicted with a heavy metal scooter could be life threatening.....

As it is, it's ABH, if not GBH.

Talking about "BF being a dick" I think is a real red herring, as it implies there was a degree of justification to cousin's actions.

There wasn't, in any way. If your cousin was perfectly polite in asking BF to move, and BF aggressively refused, that's not ideal, but it doesn't even come close to justifying any element of what happened next. And to be honest, I am a little sceptical about whether cousin WAS perfectly polite. (Tho for all I know he could have been).

And 9 years old is a child, yes, but it's perfectly old enough to comprehend the consequences of your actions......

Cousin needs serious consequences for this, and also urgently needs counselling. Hopefully your aunt realises this, but as a concerned family member who obviously cares about your cousin, please try your best to follow up and ensure both things happen.

Yes tell the mother, this kid needs help that behaviour is only going to escalate if no one is stepping in, and get rid of the boyfriend he sounds like an immature wind up merchant as well and is the adult in the situation ultimately. As for the bf’s injuries leave him to it, he is an adult that’s his own responsibility if he chooses not to get medical attention that’s on him.