Shocked by what my BF did to me

[Catchase1]

This happened at the weekend but has kind of dragged on to the week. I don’t live with my boyfriend but we’ve been together a few months and we spend every other weekend at one of our houses. We were at mine this weekend just gone. We have a quite ‘jokey’ relationship and banter a lot. On Sunday, he hovered over my face (having taken his shorts down) and broke wind. I was in bed on my phone at the time. I went mad at him and he kept defending it as a joke and says that I always joke about doing it to him. I said yes, a joke. I’ve told him I want space, he has attempted to apologise over messaging and asked to call me. I just feel like it’s a line crossed even if it was done purely as a ‘joke’. Is it me or is that the ultimate disrespect?

There is one thing to joke about it and another to actually do it! It’s completely vile and weird to do to someone u fancy or someone u want to fancy u back!
If he is young and recently been at uni with a load of lads? then maybe he just needs a good discussion about boundaries? But there is something slightly abusive about it and if u feel violated then that is important not to ignore. I would find it hard to stay.

Disgusting.
However not serious enough to break up over unless there are other issues.

You say want space from him OP? I agree and the further away the better.

I agree with this. Bantz always has that little bit of an edge to it, and then the plausible deniability for when people deliberately step over the line.

Personalised banter is a crap way to have a relationship.

God men are vile.

It sounds like boundaries have to be discussed. And not in a jokey way!

Yes but why on earth would anyone joke about it,if I heard a friend do this I would say they were both as immature as each other

He’s not a gentleman, which for me means he has to go. Think better of yourself than to be with a man like this.

It's gross, but if you've joked about doing it a few times, he probably thought it was fine and that you'd find it funny. I think you're unreasonable to be shocked, under those circs.

Vile

This! It’s absolutely disgusting, but YABU! You can’t ‘joke’ that you’ll do something to him and when he actually does it tell him it’s a line crossed. Forgive him and ‘banter’ a little less..!

What a vile, disgusting thing to do!
Ask your BF if he would be happy for you to wipe his face with your soiled underwear………..what he did to you was equally as gross!
There would be no going back for me, he would be history!

he's a joke more like. Immature prick.

School boy humour (from you too) how old are you both?

If you joked about doing it to him, how is he supposed to know it is beyond the pale? You have told him and he apologised
Tbh though you both sound as grim as each other!

I mean…it’s classic Family Guy-style humour. These threads come up on Dutch ovens/farting on or at the OP every so often. People fall into two camps: utterly horrified and couldn’t care less. Neither one gets the other. Neither are wrong - but if you care and your fella doesn’t @Catchase1, you’ve now made it clear what your boundary is. Agree to disagree now, no harm that the joke fell flat, but if he does it again then that would be disrespectful as he now knows your feelings on it.

I find farts funny, but this knocked even me sick!
Gross.

I just wouldn't want my relationship to be like an episode of Jackass. Nah

There’s no coming back from this one

For me, he's not a keeper. But if you generally enjoy the 'banter', then just let him know this was beyond a line

I think this too about him not knowing where to draw the line, especially as you wrote he said that,

” that I always joke about doing it to him”.

I wouldn’t be able to stay with him though. This whole ‘bantering’ relationship you have together seems a bit uncomfortable, superficial, and lacking in real emotional intimacy, and lacking in respect.

Those types of relationships where you prank each other sounds so puerile. I’d definitely dump him but it seems you enjoy that kind of stuff. He obviously went too far but seems sorry.

How is the relationship otherwise? I wouldn’t personally end a relationship over this, especially in the context of him having got a bit carried away with the ‘banter’ and realising his mistake. But something has obviously crossed the line pretty seriously for you OP so there may be other things going on here that this is not so out of character?

Has he just attempted to apologize or did he actually apologize?

I find you talking about doing it to start with is weird so its difficult to judge where the two of you really are re gross jokes.