AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

[Rubexellen]

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

Is work experience not common in year 10? It was compulsory when I was 15 and nobody had their parents escorting them to and from the workplace!

Did you ask your sister to babysit her? If not I can’t see why she’d assume she needed to do so for a 16 year old. My daughter is 13 and has some additional needs (autistic) so can take a bit longer to do things than other children her age but im hoping she’d be capable of handling this situation in 3 years time.

Seriously. It's London not a foreign country where she doesn't speak the language. My DS is one year older and going to Paris alone. He will use Google maps. He speaks Spanish not French but I'm sure he'll be fine.

Yes I did mine yr10. It had shifted to yr12 (so age 17) when my dd was at school fairly recently. She went to London for her work experience, stayed with a relative and navigated in on train and tube. We live nearly 200 miles away. She was grateful for the opportunity.

I wouldn't do this with my 16 year old niece, so I see where you're coming from.

I was sent to stay with my grandmother when I was 15. She lived in a high rise council block in Kings Cross and I used to wander round London on my own all day from there. That was the days before mobile phones but I didn’t have any problem finding my way around and dodging the prostitutes and pimps who hung around on the street corners in Kings Cross in those days!

If she’s looking into career options it’s probably about time she learned how to navigate a train station.

I've not read the whole thread but I have a 16 year old dd.
It is hard to let go but you have to, you're not doing her any favours treating her like a child.
She is very nearly an adult.

You're being incredibly unreasonable.

Your sister probably assumed that she was capable of something as simple as this and quite rightly so.

You need to teach her how to be independent. It is essentially what we spend all these years doing.
Perhaps during the summer you can do things specific to teaching her the life skills she needs.

Auntie may have assumed she’d not want her sitting there and let her have an adult chat with the two professionals.
If Auntie’s kids are older or London based it may not have occurred to her niece wouldn’t be ok getting back to station.
Auntie could have been working and popped out to get her. Not everyone can take a really long lunch. The girls own mum didn’t take time off work to accompany her but expected sister too.

This is mad OP. Your DD needs to figure stuff out. Also you’ve given loads of very identifiable details.

I think if dd lives in a rural area then London may be a bit of a shock. However they are conversations you should have had with dd and your sister beforehand. It sounds like miscommunication between you and your sister. Plus dd was fine and it was a good learning experience even if it was unexpected.

Also your sister did your DD a massive favour in setting up this meeting and escorting her there!

The problem is I think that so many parents are like this now. You only have to see the posts from people agonising about leaving their senior school aged child on their own for more than about 10 minutes.

These young adults enter the working world woefully unprepared.

I think communication was lacking from your sister. Fair that others say at 16, your daughter should be on her way to being able to navigate these things, but if your sis had at least told you this would happen, you could've talked to your daughter and made sure she felt comfortable, knew how to get back to the station the night before etc. London, for the very first time at 16 could be daunting on her own, that I understand. I know adults who are nervous travelling into any large city for the 1st time.

And not worth falling out with your sister for. Your daughter is ok, she got home (I presume) ok and all is, well, ok!

Perhaps she expected a 16 yo to be a little independent.

She’s 16, not 6.

it’s totally normal for her to attend a “job interview” type scenario alone. It’s not a good look for your sister to have been there or speaking on her behalf. When you start work experience or internships or actual work, it’s the norm to attend such meetings alone. You’re smothering her otherwise.

you’re yapping about how dangerous this couple could have been but factually:

• They walked your daughter to the station
• they waited for her to get on the train
• They went above and beyond whilst you’re acting like they were minded to cause her harm? There is zero evidence to support that.

The only part I agree with is that your sister could have met your daughter afterwards. But realistically your daughter had already experienced the exact same transport route before the meeting, so she could have just traced back the same transport route. I’m sure your daughter has a phone with internet access and google maps etc. I’d be very surprised if a 16 year old needed their hand held through that.

And? I expect to win the lotto next week, doesn't mean it's a given!

Communication all the way, all of this ill-feeling would've been avoided.

I think your anger is misplaced. You should be annoyed at yourself for not having taught a 16 year old appropriate skills for dealing with this situation. Such as using Google maps to navigate to a station. Messaging or ringing your sister or yourself if unsure. Holding an appropriate conversation with adults without feeling awkward. As a millennial I had to take buses and walk 20 minutes to school in the dark alone daily. By 16 I was holding down a job and dealing with all sorts of situations and characters. 16 is young adult really. No she isn't a legal adult but now you have 2 years to prepare her for being one. Take this as a wake up call to start teaching the soft skills that will serve her into adulthood. As someone who works in education this is a prime example of what professionals are saying is causing a lack of resilience in gen alpha. Over zealous helicopter parenting. Comes from good intentions but honestly it means young adults are struggling in early adulthood and the workplace.

Unless its also the aunty's line of work it would have been pretty infantilising for her to stay for the coffee catch up surely? Given it was a work related discussion- why would she stay - as a baby sitter for a 16 year old?? Although i would have thought setting it up would been sufficient and the escort from the station not needed either.

Agree and I think the context of the trip is relevant.

If aunty was taking niece out for the day because she wanted to go to buy a new dressing gown and a teddy and just left her, maybe that's one thing.

But OP feels her daughter is grown up enough to take up the (precious!) free time of two young professionals because she's thinking about an extremely serious career path. If you're grown up enough to do that you shouldn't need your hand holding. OPs fault for babying her daughter. I've met a few young people like this (albeit usually university students) while I've been in a professional role and it's exasperating.

The sister offered to set up a coffee. It seems Op has assumed that included chaperoning niece at all times. I’d be very bemused to be berated for doing exactly what I said I’d do. She set up coffee. The girl had coffee and chatted to two professionals all arranged by Auntie.

Waiting for so long for your reply that I’ve run out of 🍿

How can you believe her old enough to do networking meetings but too young to be left alone?

YABVVU

I love all the people wading in to say that their child had fought in a war and done work experience in Gotham City by the time they were sixteen. It doesn’t necessarily apply to this child though…

She could use Google maps but that doesn’t always help you with some of the larger stations. For example London Bridge station has two concourses on two entirely different levels, umpteen escalators, a tube station, a bus station and at least five different entrance points. People, even adults, do sometimes get lost there!

I think you are being a bit over protective.

We live miles from London (NW England). DD made her first solo trip there when she was 17 for a University Open Day. I bought her train ticket and saw her off at our local station. Before she went we looked up which trains she would need on the underground to get from Euston to where she was going then waved her off. Yes I was slightly anxious, but I knew she was a sensible girl. I also remembered I made my own first solo trip to London at the same age for a similar event and I was from a much more rural environment.

I am not surprised your sister thought she was OK doing this. Rather than being angry with your sister you should be grateful to her settling this up. That was really nice of her.