Am I unreasonable to refuse parcels and ignore toys thrown over?

[Oopsadaisy92]

I need some rational advice. Last year My neighbour sold his house to the council and we have since had a new single lady move in with her five children. This woman doesnt appear to work and only 3 of the children go to school. I believe they are 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. This woman speaks broken English so its difficult to talk build up a relationship.

Aside from the twice daily walk to school they never ever leave the house and this is where my AIBU starts.

She has everything delivered to my house - im talking at least 5 parcels a day from the tik tok shop and then food shoping too. I was originally taking them in but they are starting to disrupt meetings (I wfh 3 days a week and 2 in london). My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door. - ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!) and ive tried letting her know that my husband and I are not around all the time to take them in and when i am around im in meetings but its falling on deaf ears. My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad.

My second AIBU is because these kids never leave the premises, they always play/argue in the garden - in all weathers. They are really loud and we get all manner of toys and sticks thrown over the fence with the expectation to send them back. My husband says to ignore them. And again theres not much we can do whilst we are away from the house but at the same time I dont want their stuff building up in my house and damaging my flower beds. (God I feel really old saying that! Im only 30) does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on if we are being unreasonable. We cant really enjoy our garden with their screaming all the time.

I’m a pretty laid back neighbour, take deliveries in, let them use our spare parking space, put their bins in, no issue with parties/bbqs etc but this would be too much for me.
I wouldn’t answer the door in the middle of a meeting even if the parcel was for me and I certainly wouldn’t be accepting parcels every day. I’d kindly refuse delivery with a ‘not at this address’ response, rinse and repeat.
The garden thing is annoying but I doubt you’ll get far with noise from the kids. The things being thrown I would just return (rubbish and all) as it suited me.
We have kids in 2 bordering houses (3 border us in total) and can only remember throwing a ball back over once in the past year!

Im not sure a couple of hundred quid a month makes her high income 🤔

The first time it was a ball. We didnt mind throwing that back then it seemed to open the flood gates to everything in their house...😅

I just assumed she was from to sheer amount of stuff that gets delivered 🤪

It's easy for her to change her address on TikTok shop, so ask her to do so.

Oh thats good to know. I wasn't sure and she didnt give any indication that its easy to change.

To be totally honest with you, by letting this go on for so long you’ve set a precedent now.

If you started rejecting their shit from the start, I can assure you she would have changed her address from the outset on TikTok shop (which takes seconds to do btw).

In terms of noisy kids, you can’t do much about that but I would start to leave their thrown over belongings in your garden, not be available when they knock the door, then just ultimately disposing of everything tipped over. You should also complain about them throwing this stuff into your garden to the council.

Footballs I could understand accidentally landing into your garden, but jumpers? That’s obviously intentionally being put over the fence. The kids are doing it bc they know it pisses you off so it’s a bit of fun for them.

Stop accepting deliveries. Refuse to take them. Even the food delivery, just tell the driver that they are not known at this address and shrug shoulders, don't even re-direct to her house. If you get anything left on the doorstep, put not known at address and return to sender.

Toys and clothes, bin them. Sticks re-home to the grass verge for the dogs. If they come and ask for them deny they are there and ever came over. Just say, oh I haven't seen anything, must still be in your garden. Litter and boxes, throw back over.

If they are littering your garden I would report them to the council as that is antisocial behavior.

That sounds dodgy. Check your credit rating. Contact the companies and say that the person doesn’t live at your address. Could you be liable for the costs of the items if she had an account?

A thought on why she's not changed address on tik tok shop/ other delivery items, could she be hiding purchases from a partner/ family members?

My own MIL has run loads of debt up in the past and got into huge financial trouble. Her partner keeps a tight watch on her spending and she orders in secret and has things delivered to her parents which she then sneaks into the house amongst grocery shopping.

I have a friend whose mum is a hoarder who has had to have professional home clearers in before and is again under tight watch by my friend and her mum does secret ordering to good friends/ extended families addresses and sneaks her purchases in.

I also know of someone who did something similar when preparing to flee domestic violence. She had all sorts of things that she would need once she had left the home (bedding, clothes, children's clothes ect) delivered to close friend and families houses as she would more than likely only be able to leave with a few things.

That still does not explain why you even bother to answer the door? Put up the sign. Tell her "No more packages" and collect the stuff they toss over and send it back once a month or bin it.

Why are you letting her take advantage of you like this?

With regards to deliveries this was happening to me. Im a sahm and my neighbours were having things delivered all the time. Didn't mind at first but when you need to go out etc I wasn't waiting round for other people's shit. So, I placed a note on my front door saying please do not leave parcels for neighbours. That did the trick without me having to speak to the courier. Of course I would take it if they asked and it was an emergency but my neighbours even went out or to work and left a note on their door saying leave parcels with number 7 (me) without even asking. That's where I drew the line.
With regards to the ariel bombarding coming over your fence be careful. My other side neighbours kids did this and actually threw over some cough sweets that my dog devoured and she ended up sick. So after a few exchanged words on my side it stopped. However I do get the odd football but then I have kids too. However, most toys and balls come my way rather than the other way round. Ive had chicken bones, nut shells, biros, orange peel. The list goes on.

Just don't answer the door to her parcels. As for the stiff being thrown over the fence,put them all in a bin bag once a week and dump it on her doorstep.

That’s true about if she is Afghan she probably won’t want to have to talk to the delivery men

Since the deliveries appear to be right name/wrong address I'd think about putting a sign on/by your door saying "Parcels addressed to <Neighbour's Name> will be refused. <Neighbour's Name> lives at Number 48 and not at this address".

The stuff chucked over the fence, as others have suggested, I'd just put in a bin bag and drop it back over the fence or on her doorstep whenever I felt like it. And I'd probably include any trash or sticks tossed over, too.

Are you thick?

OP has already explained the post has the neighbour’s name on the parcel but OP’s address. Why on earth wouldn’t OP open the door? The postman or courier is obviously going to be delivering OP’s household mail at the same time as the neighbour’s as they’ve used her address. It’s not like the postman knocks differently or does anything differently to indicate the post is for the neighbour, until OP opens the door.

I would really check up on why
she is using your address. Credit fraud? Dodgy dealings? Large unpaid debts! You just don't know.

Why is she having so many parcels delivered? What's in them? Where is she getting her money from.

And find out her real name

As for her poor English. She is playing on this and thinks you are a mug.

I would ring a couple of the companies who are sending these parcels and find out why and how they got your address.

If you think she neglect her kids.Get in touch with Social Services. You don't even know that they are her own children.

Good Luck
X

With the amount of deliveries could she be an influencer who is receiving goods to promote and the reason she is getting them delivered to you is for tax avoidance purposes as this might affect her benefits?

You were delivering to her?

I agree.

Why does she get it delivered to you if she's home. Refuse the parcels and stop giving the toys back. The woman and her kids need to learn respect.

Note on the door for deliveries, if they try to argue just say no. Trellis, as others have said - just thrown back over anything that misses gets past it.

Bloody hell that is OTT, calling social services?! Yes she's taking the piss with parcel delivery, but calling social services? Good gods don't be ridiculous.

If she never goes out, then why can't the deliver drivers take the parcels to hers?? Yes, put up a sign.
And put up some garden trellis to stop the things coming over.
Can't help you on the noise. That's kids.

Tell her the parcels to your address have to stop and let her know you will be refusing all parcels from 2 weeks from today so she will need to change the address to the correct one. Preferably verbally and in writing.
The stuff over the fence you need to decide what irritates you the least. This could be collecting it and waiting for her to come and knock. Chucking it back over once a month, weekly or daily or binning it all or putting it all on her doorstep.