Am I unreasonable to refuse parcels and ignore toys thrown over?

[Oopsadaisy92]

I need some rational advice. Last year My neighbour sold his house to the council and we have since had a new single lady move in with her five children. This woman doesnt appear to work and only 3 of the children go to school. I believe they are 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. This woman speaks broken English so its difficult to talk build up a relationship.

Aside from the twice daily walk to school they never ever leave the house and this is where my AIBU starts.

She has everything delivered to my house - im talking at least 5 parcels a day from the tik tok shop and then food shoping too. I was originally taking them in but they are starting to disrupt meetings (I wfh 3 days a week and 2 in london). My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door. - ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!) and ive tried letting her know that my husband and I are not around all the time to take them in and when i am around im in meetings but its falling on deaf ears. My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad.

My second AIBU is because these kids never leave the premises, they always play/argue in the garden - in all weathers. They are really loud and we get all manner of toys and sticks thrown over the fence with the expectation to send them back. My husband says to ignore them. And again theres not much we can do whilst we are away from the house but at the same time I dont want their stuff building up in my house and damaging my flower beds. (God I feel really old saying that! Im only 30) does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on if we are being unreasonable. We cant really enjoy our garden with their screaming all the time.

Agree with everyone that you need to refuse the parcels. Every time. Otherwise she’ll keep doing it. She doesn’t need to send them to you, so no need to “look crestfallen” 🙄

Also tell her not to do it.

I assumed she was doing it because perhaps the baby naps and she doesn’t want to be disturbed (although the answer to that is don’t order constant parcels) but a pp is right that it could be so that any credit damage hits your house rather than hers. Even if not the reason she’s doing it, it’s another reason to refuse them.

Re the toys, I think you do need to tell her not to do this too, just to be completely clear. And then don’t throw them back or put them outside the front like a pp said.

Also might be handy to work out what her language is to see if you can Google translate a phrase to tell her to stop.

I would not accept parcels that had my address on but where for someone else. She can change the address. You said she's in all day so she can take her own parcels. Theres also the issues rhat can arise from someone using your address
With the toys I'd let them build up, still a pain, but they need to learn not to purposefully throw them over. My two kids have accidently sent football over our fence about twice a year, we go straight round and apologise.

Refuse all deliveries. They are hers. Not yours. She is using your address without your permission. Don’t let her. She lives where she does and cannot or should not pretend she doesn’t.
For whatever reason she doesn’t want shops or whoever knowing she lives where she does. Keep well away from any of her deliveries.
And please don’t fall for the crestfallen look. Absolutely not.

As to stuff coming over. You either knock on the door and every time something is thrown over Mum or Dad ( not children) have to come to retrieve it. They will soon get cheesed off doing that. That or do not return them.

The deliveries I’d 100% refuse. When she comes to collect them I’d really try and make it as clear as possible that you are not able to take them in. My DM ended up putting a sign on her door saying she would not accept deliveries that weren’t addressed to her as her neighbours kept having things delivered there as they knew she’d be in. The delivery drivers were still a pain but she could at least just point to the sign and shut the door!

With the deliveries, bar the food shopping bear in mind you have no idea what is in the parcels. That you are taking in……and are delivered to your address.
Drugs ? Could be anything.
Big fat no.

Stop taking in her parcels, tell the delivery driver that the person doesn’t live there and it is wrongly addressed. Tell them to return to sender. She’ll soon address them correctly when they all get marked as undelivered.

Get some trellis to go on top of your fence to make it higher. In the meantime throw all the toys back over, once a day in the evening when the kids have gone to bed.

It’s infuriating answering for others when wfh, I feel your pain. Definitely refuse all parcels, add a note on the door during your WFH hours and don’t answer the door. Delivery drivers will learn soon enough not to waste their valuable time.

I’d keep an eye on your credit report too, in case she’s used your address for something else. Weird to keep doing it unless deliberate, and she clearly speaks enough English to navigate all the ordering so you have to wonder.

Things over the fence is tricky. Sticks aren’t toys, that’s just a nuisance so I’d bin them, or add to the compost or whatever. Toys I’d throw back, but at your own pace. They’ll learn to be careful eventually. If you have the maximum height fence you can look at adding an angled cat proof fence which might deter/catch some items.

If they are a terrible nuisance and not just kids being unruly - five is always unruly, must be a big house! - then complain to the council.

Definitely this. I stopped taking my neighbours’ deliveries when one turned out to be live insects, for the snake. Presumably frozen, they took so long to pick them up that they thawed and began moving. Yuk.

My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad

Nah fuck that..she knows what shes doing

Either refuse them or take them and deny all knowledge of them. She will stop promptly

With the stuff being thrown over -
Clearly tell her it needs to stop or you will throw them away.
when it doesnt collect them, bin them, deny all knowledge and say the kids must have thrown it over the other side.
Do it ON REPEAT. Magically it will stop...

I'd also be considering increasing fence height or investing in a lot of pyrocanthus

ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!)

But why keep accepting them? Because she looks crestfallen? You are bringing this on yourself. That is on you.

My Amazon man leaves parcels on my doorstep whether I'm in or out.

I hope your delivery driver does not do the same when you REFUSE TO TAKE THE PARCELS IN.

Are the parcels addressed to her house number or incorrectly to your address but with her name? I would be concerned if she was using your address and perhaps get some legal advice.

Well of course only 3 of children go to school, last time I checked 1 yr olds weren't old enough, you have 2 choices, mind you own business or report any concerns to social services and as far as someone else's parcels being left with me, that would stop, I wouldn't bring them in or sign for them and if they got stolen, oh well.

Is she Afghan? She wont want to interact with delivery men if so.

Erm, I don’t think this is a real post. Is it AI or something?

Why are they coming to you and not her? Do they have the wrong address on? If so why is she putting your address on her parcels? She can't just expect to use you as a delivery depot. If it's not your address then you need to tell the delivery driver that it's not your address, it's next door.

There's not much you can do about noise from kids but it sounds like a nightmare. I agree with putting up some cheap trellis to try to keep the toys out.

If the neighbour is in all the time why isn't she answering the door for deliveries? Unless they are in your address which makes no sense.

If she's using your address not hers, I suspect some sort of scam/fraud. Accept nothing. You'll have the bailiffs round next.

I'd raise a convern with the council, formally, so you have a record of intervention, if this is in fact some sort of scam.

You didn't mention whether you've actually told her to stop sending parcels to your house? Surely that's the very first thing you do?

Do you have a ring doorbell? I sometimes ask the delivery person who the parcel is for. If it is not for me, I won't take it in.

I don’t accept deliveries for my neighbours on one side, it was getting ridiculous - three or four a day. She wfh as do I so why she thinks my time is less important than hers really pissed me off!

She shouldn’t order anything then if this is the case.

Her parcels are not the OP’s.

“My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door.“

of course you’re not! If she’s in all day, she can take her bloody parcels! Don’t answer the door/put a sign up saying named deliveries only/if a driver hands you a parcel for next door say “wrong house” and hand it back.

does She come round to get her packages or do you drop them around?

On the garden, I’d put up some trellis and leave any toy collection until the end of the day and when they come around to ask for them back.

Perhaps you could find out what language she speaks and use Google translate to say quite explicitly that you are fed up with it and won't be accepting any more parcels and will no longer be returning toys more than once per month.

We have recently had similar with new neighbours. They were just being lazy with the address and could speak perfectly good English themselves. Unfortunately their nanny who was the only one we ever saw didn't. The final straw came when an Evri driver shouted at me when I didn't have a parcel to give him.