Am I unreasonable to refuse parcels and ignore toys thrown over?

[Oopsadaisy92]

I need some rational advice. Last year My neighbour sold his house to the council and we have since had a new single lady move in with her five children. This woman doesnt appear to work and only 3 of the children go to school. I believe they are 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. This woman speaks broken English so its difficult to talk build up a relationship.

Aside from the twice daily walk to school they never ever leave the house and this is where my AIBU starts.

She has everything delivered to my house - im talking at least 5 parcels a day from the tik tok shop and then food shoping too. I was originally taking them in but they are starting to disrupt meetings (I wfh 3 days a week and 2 in london). My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door. - ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!) and ive tried letting her know that my husband and I are not around all the time to take them in and when i am around im in meetings but its falling on deaf ears. My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad.

My second AIBU is because these kids never leave the premises, they always play/argue in the garden - in all weathers. They are really loud and we get all manner of toys and sticks thrown over the fence with the expectation to send them back. My husband says to ignore them. And again theres not much we can do whilst we are away from the house but at the same time I dont want their stuff building up in my house and damaging my flower beds. (God I feel really old saying that! Im only 30) does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on if we are being unreasonable. We cant really enjoy our garden with their screaming all the time.

If she never leaves the house how come she is missing her parcel deliveries?

All very odd.

is she actually using your address? Or do they try hers and then come to yours as she doesn't answer?

You can borrow my dog. He's very handy at chewing up anything that comes over the fence

Both of these are great ideas

Tell her she needs to tell delivery company she’s number x and stop using your address. You can’t take any parcels. Stick sign up saying parcels for your name only. If a delivery knocks and it’s not you say not ours and shut door.
If she’s renting I’d contact her landlord (you can check with land registry who owns property eg council or housing association) and complain re any noise or anti social behaviour.

Re toys over the fence, add a trellis along the top of your fence. Re parcels yes refuse.

Why would she report to social services? The op hasn’t said anything in her op to suggest a need for that. Her questions are purely around the deliveries and the toys in the garden.

Of course the OP knows the younger kids won’t be in school - she was clearly just describing the situation so that we’d understand someone is at home all day, the age of the kids is relevant re the toys in the garden etc.

The way the op is worded, it sounds like the neighbour is using the OP’s address instead of her own, so they automatically go straight to her. Whether this is a mistake (she’s perhaps gotten numbers mixed up or missed if there’s a letter after her house number maybe) or deliberate because she’s lazy/doesn’t want to interact with a man/is doing something dodgy/is credit related etc is anyone’s guess.

If you can’t get her to stop using your address, stop accepting any parcels. I wonder if you can contact the council to ask them to speak to get as her landlord?

The fact she gets her food delivered there too makes me think she’s making a mistake on the delivery address somehow.

The toys I think the idea of only allowing them to collect once a week might work. Otherwise a strict word with her saying it needs to stop.

I'd be worried that she's using my address for other things as well, and not paying bills etc.

If she's using your address, that's really shady and you need to refuse every single delivery. If you answer the door, tell the delivery person you refuse the delivery, it is for someone who is using your address without your permission. Put up a sign only x and x live here, neighbour is not at this address. She's deliberately misrepresenting your address if so and check your credit reports.

Don't fall for her crestfallen face.

Toys go in a garbage bag. You can return it every so often but if they keep throwing them over, out to the trash it goes.

I would add that slatted trellis to your fence , the parcels are going to be more hard work as delivery drivers don’t care and probably are required to deliver to the actual address . Food deliveries you can send back and she will get credited .

I dont think you are being unreasonable about the intrusive parcels issue.
Put a note on your door saying you dont accept parcels for anyone other than your households names/list. If the deliveries are with her name on them but your address,alert the deliverer that that person is not known at your address. if mistakes ie her name and her address but accidently delivered to you ,return to sender.
As for the children/garden issues with items coming over the fence,collect them in a bag and leave them on the doorstep with a polite note asking them please not to throw items over the fence. As for noise ,if it normal levels you are being unreasonable.

I would also ask why is she using your address and not getting it corrected, I would be a bit worried about that. But agree with all saying stop taking in the parcels, be strong and the toys will stop coming over if they stopped being retired. Good luck

If the parcels have both your name and address on you need to discuss with Action Fraud.

Do you WFH?

Re the deliveries: As her level of English is low, it could well be that she has put the wrong house number when ordering through her phone and now it automatically defaults to that and she doesn't realise. I would take this approach first and ask her. Has she got a partner who might understand more, or perhaps the older children have better English and could help you explain it.

The parcels sound like a scam/fraud if she is using your address.

It’s in her first post she is wfh 3 days so being disturbed.

Put a note on the door stating that you only accept deliveries for - put your own names.
Put her name on another note stating Ms..... lives next door at no. .....
Put their toys back over their garden immediately.
Put up trellis to stop it.

Put a note on your door re. deliveries.

I got the impression from the OP’s post the parcels are in both the OP’s name and address.
Parcels are not only in the neighbours name but using OP’s address.
I would speak to the Post Office, to Amazon, to Action Fraud. The food delivery companies. The Council even.
Anything to show you indeed have not ordered the items at all. And then blaming the neighbour for ordering things.
If you don’t do that people may point the finger at you OP.

Yes if parcels are OP’s address then agree she needs to report. If for example she refuses parcels and they dump them there may be ramifications for Op re fly tipping.
If it’s neighbour’s name and OP’s address id assume some type of fraud.

The original post explains the delivery man suggested that someone in her neighbours family must have the same name as her when she tried to say the parcel was not hers.
So yes, the parcels are in OP’s name and for OP’s address.

Like most PPs, I'd refuse parcels.

As for toys, I'd take things a step further - yes, collect them in a bin liner and stash it somewhere out of the way. BUT, wait for her to come collect them herself!

If she doesn't come, say a month later, just pop a note in her door telling her she can come and collect the toys at her convenience.

DON'T drop anything around hers.