Am I unreasonable to refuse parcels and ignore toys thrown over?

[Oopsadaisy92]

I need some rational advice. Last year My neighbour sold his house to the council and we have since had a new single lady move in with her five children. This woman doesnt appear to work and only 3 of the children go to school. I believe they are 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. This woman speaks broken English so its difficult to talk build up a relationship.

Aside from the twice daily walk to school they never ever leave the house and this is where my AIBU starts.

She has everything delivered to my house - im talking at least 5 parcels a day from the tik tok shop and then food shoping too. I was originally taking them in but they are starting to disrupt meetings (I wfh 3 days a week and 2 in london). My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door. - ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!) and ive tried letting her know that my husband and I are not around all the time to take them in and when i am around im in meetings but its falling on deaf ears. My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad.

My second AIBU is because these kids never leave the premises, they always play/argue in the garden - in all weathers. They are really loud and we get all manner of toys and sticks thrown over the fence with the expectation to send them back. My husband says to ignore them. And again theres not much we can do whilst we are away from the house but at the same time I dont want their stuff building up in my house and damaging my flower beds. (God I feel really old saying that! Im only 30) does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on if we are being unreasonable. We cant really enjoy our garden with their screaming all the time.

Why is her stuff being delivered to your address if she's in all day?

Have you checked with her what address she is using? People won't be delivering her stuff to you unless she's giving people your address.

Or is there something confusing about your two houses that makes it easy for delivery men to mistake your house for hers?

Your husband is doing the right thing to refuse deliveries, but in my experience refusing deliveries is almost impossible because most delivery men will just leave stuff on your doorstep without even bothering to check if you are in or not, so you can't actually refuse the delivery.

Indeed the fact that stuff is being delivered to you instead of being left on her doorstep makes me think she must be using your address.

You need to get to the botton of why they are being delivered to you

As to the toys I'd keep them and wait for her to come round asking for them.

[Edit - what address is on her parcels? Is she giving your address as an alternative if she is not in? but you say she's in all day?]

Do answer and check the address on the parcels.

also check your credit files.

I feel your pain with kids in the garden all day. Me and my kids find it so hard to enjoy our garden but it’s ruined by the soundtrack of screeching from next door. Starts off with playing and always ends with crying as the neighbours kids constantly fight. They never go anywhere and the kids are constantly miserable.
We also get all the balls over the fence. I throw them back on the rare occasions the kids aren’t in the garden. Otherwise they think it’s a game.

Personally I’d do it in steps:

a) find out what language she understands and use Google translate if needed to explain that she must be writing down the wrong address and also to mention all the stuff being thrown over;
b) if it continues, either send parcels back or never give them to her. Oh they were delivered? Sorry, I didn’t see any!
c) bin everything that gets thrown over (or if you don’t want to bin in, keep it until it stops and then finally give it all back).

They need to get the picture.

The parcels. Do they have your house number on?! If so this is a fraud thing. Be careful.

But also just stop answering the door to parcels unless you're expecting one of your own!

Don't throw toys back over right away.

What is behind your back gardens? If it's not someone else's gardens directly behind yours then throw them back over but behind the neighbours garden. Make it inconvenient to the kids and to her. If they ask for a toy in your garden suggest they check the other sides of the outside of their garden as it's not in yours.

I'd consider putting up some CCTV on your back garden to record noise levels and any damage.

Separate the issues out,
Toys, either chuck back over or gather up for a week in a box in the corner of the garden, see if they ask for them back, if they don’t approach you then let them build up for as long as you can stand it then either return if you are feeling nice or bin them.
Parcels and food delivery, if she is using her own address then don’t answer the door, if you do have to then just say they are not for you and don’t accept. If she is using your address then you have a bigger problem. You need to still refuse deliveries but you also need to tell her clearly, google translate, that it must stop and you need to do a credit check.

You honestly didn't need to 'set the scenes re: it being a council property and/or that she does not appear to work.

Too much that doesn't make sense here and OP has disappeared after the initial bait drop.

No replies from the OP to answer

whether the address on the parcel is theirs?

why they don’t just refuse the parcels/leave a note refusing the parcels? Do you care if she looks a bit sad?

Why you haven’t told the woman to stop doing this or asked her why?

I say no to neighbours parcels if it's not convenient for me, you're doing the delivery driver a favour so that they don't have to come back by accepting them. But they're getting paid and will be more focused on delivering it to the right address. Just say no sorry and shut the door. Your neighbour sounds like hard work. I would put the toys that come over the fence on the kerb side for them to collect and add some trellis. Bad luck.

Don’t accept parcels and just put toys out the front of hers.

Definitely not unreasonable to stop accepting deliveries. Tell her she needs to sort out her details, if it's all sorts of different deliveries then I expect it's something like Google pay having the wrong auto fill details. I would just lob the toys back once a week.

Our neighbour did this - he literally just started putting our address on parcels because we're always in and he's not. We're always in because we WORK from home, and there's been numerous times where the door has gone and we've had to stop a meeting to answer it, only to find it's for him. We just started saying no we won't take them in. It seemed to annoy the driver (because they're actually taking them to the correct address!) but that's very much NOT our problem.

Do you mean she’s actually using your address to send the parcels to - I.e. her name but your address? Or is she just listing you as the alternative/the drivers are asking if you can take them in?

I’d think you need to check if she is using your address for others reasons too. Think loans, credit cards or a mortgage.

I have no advice. I live next two two families who speak barely any English and one side in the office we can hear very loud prayer music and screaming children while DP is working from home and in meetings all day. Then on a night on the opposite side, banging and screaming children. We are 9 floors up in a high rise and you can hear everything. They are at home all day, so there’s no escaping it. Can’t even say anything to the council as before 11pm it’s fine apparently. I go to bed at 9:30.

Adds to the rage bait though.

My neighbour started doing this. He must receive around five or six parcels a day. He's always doing DIY projects at home as he doesn't work - and initially tried to get all his deliveries sent to us. We had this issue in a previous house, where our front porch permanently looked like a sorting office and couriers used to make a beeline for us as they knew we were always in (WFH).

BTW it absolutely astounds me how few people actually came by to reclaim their parcels. Don't they want what they ordered? We'd always have to end up going round like delivery people. I guess they knew we would!

So we made damn sure we weren't going to have a repetition of this behaviour with yet another CF when we moved here. Told all couriers in no uncertain terms "no sorry, I won't take it in" / "Oh it's just one!" / "Yes but just one from you - five others will arrive today, too!" etc.

Neighbour switched his front door Ring on during one back and forth I had with a courier, obviously listening in, and from then on he set up a parcel box and now they're all directed to that.

Why is your neighbour not taking all her stuff in herself, if she doesn't work and so many people are at home every day? Why do you agree to do it?

We teach people how to treat us. Always remember that. Say no!

Pick up the toys and put them in the bin. If they see you doing it, even better. Let the kids know that any toys that come into your garden are going to be thrown out. Put a note under her door saying that you are throwing out any toys that land in your garden and you will be returning all parcels to sender. She needs to use her own address for parcels from now on. (Btw, if English is her second language, maybe she isn’t aware that she is using your address. Write hers on the note so she knows to change everything.)

Where is she getting the money to be doing all these orders and to be receiving 5 deliveries a day?

It sounds really dodgy to me, she's trying to softening you up to receive 'stuff' - if you know what I mean.

I would contact the Council (maybe copy all political party candidates for your ward, including the dreaded Reform) to explain the situation and what solution can they provide? They supplied her & her 5 children, so I assume they can take her away, or at least send around a translator so you can say No.

Councils are buying up more and more properties due to the housing crisis. On average 500+ immigrants are arriving to the UK every day. In my area, there is a huge debate because the Council is buying up family homes and converting them into HMOs and some residents are not very happy as it will change 'the flavour' of the street to the extremist view of not wanting them near schools, especially after that 12 year old was raped.

It is relevant that its a council house or she isnt English?

Deliveries just say no
They are allowed to play in their garden , you sound rather judgy about her circumstances tbh. Just chuck then back over the fence

Hello Mr Farage !

Councils are buying up properties tho. And in my area too. I presume cos there are not enough council properties so obviously there will be properties for asylum seekers.

Make a list of the issues - dates and times.
Report to the council, as her behaviour constitutes antisocial and or harresment.
They are preventing you being able to enjoy your home.