Am I unreasonable to refuse parcels and ignore toys thrown over?

[Oopsadaisy92]

I need some rational advice. Last year My neighbour sold his house to the council and we have since had a new single lady move in with her five children. This woman doesnt appear to work and only 3 of the children go to school. I believe they are 1, 3, 5, 7 & 9. This woman speaks broken English so its difficult to talk build up a relationship.

Aside from the twice daily walk to school they never ever leave the house and this is where my AIBU starts.

She has everything delivered to my house - im talking at least 5 parcels a day from the tik tok shop and then food shoping too. I was originally taking them in but they are starting to disrupt meetings (I wfh 3 days a week and 2 in london). My first Aibu is am I being unreasonable to now start sending them away even though I know they are for next door. - ive tried telling the delivery man that they are for next door but he doesnt believe me and says theirs probably someone in my family with her name (?!) and ive tried letting her know that my husband and I are not around all the time to take them in and when i am around im in meetings but its falling on deaf ears. My husband has always sent them away but she looks so creastfallen whenever she comes to The door looking for them and it makes me feel bad.

My second AIBU is because these kids never leave the premises, they always play/argue in the garden - in all weathers. They are really loud and we get all manner of toys and sticks thrown over the fence with the expectation to send them back. My husband says to ignore them. And again theres not much we can do whilst we are away from the house but at the same time I dont want their stuff building up in my house and damaging my flower beds. (God I feel really old saying that! Im only 30) does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on if we are being unreasonable. We cant really enjoy our garden with their screaming all the time.

Do the children deliberately throw the toys over do you think? This would change my response. I am very clear with my children that they need to do everything they can not to let balls go over the fence as our neighbours are a bit grumpy and do not appreciate it. Then if some do go over it’s not as bad IMO.

I would speak to her if this is deliberate.

I'd put a sign on the door or letterbox decal indicating that we don't accept neighbours parcels. Get a video doorbell OP and then your efforts to send away anything that slips through the net will at least be quicker as you can quickly answer on your phone to say no thanks. Other than one neighbour we know well who is elderly I don't take them in at all. When I order something I do it making sure that I'm home to get it and if not have it delivered to a collection point, it's really not hard. If she's home she should be answering the door herself. I'm sure she'll get the picture when her parcels go back to the sender or her food shop ends up undelivered.

Whether or not the delivery driver believes me wouldn't overly bother me. I'd just tell them this isn't something I've ordered and I don't accept the delivery then leave the conversation. I'd throw toys back when I was already in the garden and then only.

I'd also put a simply worded note in the door saying that sorry but we will no longer be accepting any parcels for you, please could you make sure your children are not throwing things over the fence as these will be disposed of if it keeps happening.

Trellis is a good idea but we already have a 6ft fence.

What does she say the reasons are for getting everything delivered to your house?

Think they do do it deliberately. We get a daily deluge of jumpers, toys, figurines, boxes, rubbish, random sticks (we have no trees in the garden so not ours - i can live with this im not insane but its part of a pattern). Yesterday we had a stick of chalk and a barbie doll. Today we had a cardboard box and jumper.

She set up the wrong address on tik tok shop and cant be bothered to change it and hopes we dont mind. I dont use tik tok so not sure how easy it is to change.

Hi @Oopsadaisy92 is it actually your address the neighbour is using as in having deliveries to your address?

I think you can add a trellis so long as it doesn’t take it over 6.5ft in total.

Agreed balls is normal id accept that. But on a daily basis we get dolls, clothes, figurines, litter, blocks and boxes thrown over too

What about the food shopping? Is she really getting a supermarket weekly shop delivered to your house?

Yes I believe so. She said she put the wrong address into tik tok and wont cant change it

Yes we've had food shopping delivered too. I did redirect the delivery driver to her house for that.

Is Ghanaian i think

Put a sign up on your door saying you only accept deliveries to your names and if any delivery drivers still attempt to deliver then refuse them every single time. She’ll soon get the message, stop allowing her to treat you like a mug.

This.

Its a 3-bed house so hoping that theyll out grow the house soon - she has 4 boys 1 girl. Cat fence idea sounds interesting! Ill look into that.

Shes not missing them shes ordering them to my house x

Shes using my address. Shes not missing parcels x

Its the fareham council i believe that own the property but good shout to check the land registry.

I’m normally all for being neighbourly but she’s taking the Mickey. Stop answering the door. Stop redirecting her food shopping. Stop returning things that have been thrown over. Bin the lot of it. They’ll soon learn

Definitely sounds like bored kids throwing stuff over the fence for attention.

Ooh good point. Its crazy though! She'll have a high income now thanks to the child benefit cap being lifted

Definitely!

My number im 50 she's 48. I was delivering to her. My husband was just sending back to sender

I wouldn't take the parcels but would throw the toys back.