Daughter has gone NC with me over comment on her new profile photo

[Luceee25]

DD (30) can be very stubborn, and has been NC with me for nearly two weeks now which I am finding really upsetting.

She had been away travelling with a friend and always posted photos to Facebook to keep everyone updated. She has lots of family on there who always interact with her.

When she returned, she uploaded a new profile photo which was basically of her bare behind when led on a boat with only a tiny bit of string from her swimwear to protect her modesty.

I suggested to her that she might have wanted to reconsider whether that was really appropriate and also pointed out that any prospective employers could potentially see that and it wouldn’t give the image of a professional.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that. She then told me she wanted some space and hasn’t responded to any of my attempted contact since.

I am now doubting whether I was out of order with what I said initially. I have apologised repeatedly for offending her (although I do stand by my comments completely). Do you think I should have shut up?

Is this what "empowering women" means these days? Is this what we campaigned for, for women to be taken seriously instead of being toys for men to ogle at?

Ill get my coat

Sorry OP, going NC is a huge overreaction, and I know how hurtful that can be. Best thing to do is ignore it, and wait for it to pass as it definitely will, for her to keep up a grudge about this would be deranged. Be completely normal and nice when you do have some contact and let this blow over, hopefully at some stage she’ll mature a bit.
I’m 44 and looking back I think I was quite immature when I was 30- not putting my arse in a profile pic immature- but getting my back up over nothing and falling out with people immature.

Yeah, you don’t need to advise your daughter about the online world, she most definitely already knows. Telling her would have been extremely irritating.

It's a Northern phrase. Means she was lying down with her arse hanging out.

OP, you are right, she's ridiculous. I'm sure most people she knows are quietly judging her but saying nothing. Who wants to see someone's backside ffs

Men. Thats why women do it

I would have said the same thing to my dd. No one who wants to be taken seriously should have their bum posted publicly on social media. If it was just to her friends, okay fine. But profile photos are public.

That said, she hasn’t ‘gone NC’ with you. She has simply asked for a bit of space, probably because this is a pattern (is it?) or she’s embarrassed.

I am NC with my mum (haven’t seen or spoken to her in 6+ years), but even when we were close, we didn’t necessarily speak every week, maybe every 2-3 weeks. Apologise for hurting her feelings and let her know you’re there whenever she needs you.

'Stop showing off'... it's good mumsy advice.

YANBU OP. A friend’s daughter, mid twenties, has as her profile photo what must be a boudoir pic, she’s in a black slip with the straps down and most of her boobs out. I cringe every time I see it.

I think you were unreasonable to make the comment to a 30 year old (much as I might agree with your sentiments) as it's patronising and infantilising, but her reaction is also very unreasonable. She does sound immature - more the reaction of a teenager.

You can't unsay it and you've already apologised, so I think you'll have to wait it out. Has she got form for taking offence easily and finding it hard to recover from it? I imagine she realises youre right but can't admit it.

To react in such an extreme way suggests she probably knows you are right in what you have said to her and she’s embarrassed. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, you commented out of concern and her bum out in her public profile picture is not going to do her any favours!!

The word does exist. It’s just not used correctly in this case.

Great stuff, I am sure this certainty will really help the o.p reconnect with her daughter

You did your daughter a good service.

It's always great to know that close family will tell you straight, not in a publically embarrassing way, that you have food between your teeth, that your breathe sticks, your bum is hanging out, you need to delete/tweet that part of a speech etc. etc.

Family care. You behaved exactly how I would want my Mum to communicate with me. You said what many of her f.b. friends will be thinking.

Your daughter is possibly just reeling from self humiliation for a week or two.

She will come back; you will all laugh about the bum pick one day. And she will admire it when she is eighty.

If I posted that pic my mum would definitely be telling me to take it down. And not politely either . I wouldn’t go no contact with her though. It’s an over reaction on her behalf

also wouldn’t post my arse, because no one needs to be subjected to that

YaNBU. Switched on GenZ kids of my DDs age know that employers use AI to trawl the backgrounds of all potential employees. Does matter if your content is private or not. My daughter is super selective about what she posts. A male friend at her college declined the opportunity to join a highly selective and very sociable drinking society in case it reflects poorly on his future legal career. He's 18 for God's sake. They're so responsible and forward thinking. Your daughter needs to grow up. Hope you're speaking soon.

She's an idiot. Just ignore her until she calms down a bit. She'll be back.

I know. I didn’t say otherwise.

My friends daughter has posted photos of herself half naked on instagram. I was disappointed but would not say a word to her or her mum about it.

If it were my daughter I would have to (fake ai pic) post my own ass in a thong and tag her.

Not really, but funny thinking of it.

She went ballistic, told me it’s 2026 and women are empowered to share photos like that.

Funny how men, who actually hold most of the power in this world, don’t have to show their arse to show they’re empowered.

Feminism seems to be going backwards.

I took 'led on to a boat' being her stepping up onto a boat holding the hand of another person who was on the boat already. I imagined the picture featuring the bum taken by a photographer who was still on the wharf, slightly below your DD.

Maybe Bridget Jones inspired!

Maybe humour was the main factor in the photographer's head.

We had "empowering" nakedness in the 90s too. Nuts, Zoo etc.i remember an article from a Blue Peter presenter about her choice not to have an empowering naked moment in the press meaning she didn't get any non-kids TV offers.

Show your bum or don't but I'm with Dolly, this isn't what empowering women means.

‘Ballooned’? Did you fat shame her at the time? No wonder she feels criticised by you.

I am 60 years old and if I thought for one single moment that my mum was right about her opinion about me and how I should live my life, I would be heartbroken.
This is my life, and as long as she isn’t paying for it, I can damn well

I’m in my 40s and my mum will comment on my hair and make up and clothes. She also tells me not to bite my nails and I look tired Sometimes. Shes my mum. Isn’t that what they do? She fab though so she normally gets an eye roll and a yeah yeah whatever. She’d definitely pass comment if I put a photo on Facebook like that as I would for my daughter. Not sure what you have done wrong OP- I’d take my mum’s advice on things like that personally.

I'll take that as a compliment:)