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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

333 replies

Cathrube · 08/04/2026 18:21

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ThisOneLife · 09/04/2026 00:19

Notyouagaindear · 08/04/2026 20:23

I would feel sad too though I’m impressed at your DS putting so much thought into the design.

I think sadly this is just a risk that comes with passing jewellery down. When my beloved grandmother died, my sister was given her wedding ring (my DMs decision, there was no will). She has adult sons and I hope it won’t just be discarded in future by their wives if they marry. I wish I had it for my DD who is named after my grandmother - obviously I would never voice this out loud though.

I would look into making a little charm or simple ring from the unused band - perhaps this could be passed on to a future grandchild?

The “risk of passing jewellery on”…
What would you do instead? Get buried with it?!

Jewellery is metal and stones and there’s no reason one person’s choice should be inflicted on another.

ThisOneLife · 09/04/2026 00:22

firstofallimadelight · 08/04/2026 20:14

Suggest he buys a different ring and leave that one to pass to his eldest child

Who won’t want it either!
Fashions change and jewellers no different. It’s better restyled than sitting forever unworn in a box.

Remaker · 09/04/2026 00:36

Maybe enquire about what will happen to the remaining parts of the ring? The band could be made into another ring or a pendant?

My aunt inherited her mother’s engagement ring and gave the large stones to her sons to create rings for their fiancé and the smaller ones were made into diamond studs for me (the only granddaughter). I also have her wedding band which was much too large and wide for me to wear but I had it melted down and made into my wedding band which is very meaningful to me and I’ll leave it to my DD. I do think it’s risky to gift family heirlooms to DILs via sons because they generally don’t have the sentimental connection. Also divorce happens and then the piece is lost to the family.

HeddaGarbled · 09/04/2026 00:36

Should have given it to a girl.

user1492757084 · 09/04/2026 00:45

We had a similar thing.
We used a good jeweller, to remove the stones needed, who left the old ring as original as possible.

Then the remainder of the old ring was adored and used by another grandson for his wife to be. She chose new stones of colours she preferred.

Two rings out of one... and both loved.

ThisYearIsMyYear · 09/04/2026 00:46

I think someone needs to ask her if she actually wants this ring. It sounds like what she really wants is a completely different ring, and why shouldn't she. I think it's a bit silly to basically try and change one ring into another, as well as being upsetting to you.

My engagement ring was diamonds and yellow sapphires, but I've never seen a peach sapphire so I googled and found this, which I think is lovely. Tell him to buy this instead!

Burnt orange sapphire and diamond cluster engagement ring

Orange sapphire and diamond cluster engagement ring

https://www.antiqueringboutique.com/products/orange-sapphire-and-diamond-cluster-engagement-ring?variant=57865813655933&amp%3Butm_source=google&amp%3Butm_medium=cpc&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19606218378

KeeleyJ · 09/04/2026 00:53

My DH has his Granny's rings, they were in amongst his Mum's things when she died.

I would guess they were bought in 1920's and they've been shoved in a box gathering dust since the 1980's. They are far too big for me and not to my taste so are likely to languish forgotten about until DS comes across them once I pop my clogs.

I understand why you feel sad about it but it would be a shame for it just to be left forgotten about at the back of a drawer.

Original poster
Cathrube · 09/04/2026 01:01

ThisYearIsMyYear · 09/04/2026 00:46

I think someone needs to ask her if she actually wants this ring. It sounds like what she really wants is a completely different ring, and why shouldn't she. I think it's a bit silly to basically try and change one ring into another, as well as being upsetting to you.

My engagement ring was diamonds and yellow sapphires, but I've never seen a peach sapphire so I googled and found this, which I think is lovely. Tell him to buy this instead!

Having sat through many a stress about the stone, this one is the wrong shade!
He has already sourced the sapphire he wants to use, it’s more of a light peach/champagne gold colour.
I’m going to talk to him and see what he is thinking but I imagine if he decides to not use his grandmothers ring which I’ll offer to buy from him, he will still opt for custom after the endless time poured into sourcing the perfect centre sapphire!

OP posts:
Notyouagaindear · 09/04/2026 01:05

ThisOneLife · 09/04/2026 00:19

The “risk of passing jewellery on”…
What would you do instead? Get buried with it?!

Jewellery is metal and stones and there’s no reason one person’s choice should be inflicted on another.

Show quote history

I think you’ve misunderstood my post. I haven’t suggested not passing jewellery on, but rather stating that this is just one of those things that can happen.

plainjanesuperbrain2026 · 09/04/2026 01:39

I would not ever give beloved family jewellery that I genuinely cared about to anybody who was not a direct blood relative. If they split up she will take the ring with her.

Pearshapedpear · 09/04/2026 04:23

Buy the ring off him … why wasn’t it left to you anyway?

Dancingsquirrels · 09/04/2026 06:03

Tableforjoan · 08/04/2026 18:41

I think it’s nice actually.

Repurpose what can be used in a new ring that will be worn and loved with family history rather than just languishing away in a draw to never be looked at.

Yes i agree

I'd have no issue with a ring being adapted in this way

How would your mother have felt about it?

SardinesOnButteredToast · 09/04/2026 07:07

ScaryM0nster · 08/04/2026 19:28

Cluster diamonds are pretty passé, so it doesn’t sound like it’s something that would be jumped on and adored in its current form.

Remodelling jewellery is really common historically. It’s a fairly recent fixation with buying everything new and recycling bag associated with waste management that means it feels ‘wrong’ or destructive. It was a way of keeping things current and customised to the individual. The ring is moving into the next generation in its next form. That’s a beautiful evolution

What a lovely way of thinking about it. I like this.

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2026 07:10

Even if there were granddaughters and it had gone to one of them, absolutely no guarantee that it wouldn’t have been similarly redesigned. Or sold, or put in a drawer for ever.

Some women wear their engagement ring every day. Why on earth would they want to wear a ring they don’t love ?

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 09/04/2026 07:16

OP only you know your mum and how she would have felt about this. Your son is seeing the ring as an opportunity to save money by reutilising the diamonds. I don’t think there’s much sentimentality there. Would your mum have been happy about that or horrified?

Gettingbysomehow · 09/04/2026 07:23

I repurposed my inherited diamond ring. Im not married so I dont want an engagement ring. The ring is very old fashioned and has a tiny skinny band that doesnt properly support the big diamonds so now I have something I love and can wear everyday.
I have a son no daughter so Ill be leaving it to my sister who has a daughter to keep it in the family.

aCatCalledFawkes · 09/04/2026 07:50

I have my grandmothers diamond earring that I redesigned - well I actually did what she wanted to of done as I had a chain removed that she had attempted to fix with wire and put them on to studs instead of the awful difficult clasp that was there. I think they look really lovely now and more wearable that what they were. My mum was quite difficult about it but I think she can see the end result is stunning. So I do think it can be nice to redesign.

I think you need to speak to your son. Does he actually like the ring? It sounds like he is the one pushing for the redesign. As part of the design he may he may want to get the diamonds checked as lots of vintage diamonds aren't great quality and have a dubious histories. He may feel that he wants something newer and better quality.

I do think keeping jewellery for the sake of it in its current format if no one wants to wear it like that is a shame. Just because it's old doesn't mean it's wearable or fastionable.

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2026 07:53

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 09/04/2026 07:16

OP only you know your mum and how she would have felt about this. Your son is seeing the ring as an opportunity to save money by reutilising the diamonds. I don’t think there’s much sentimentality there. Would your mum have been happy about that or horrified?

I didn’t get “trying to save money” from the posts. I got “trying to make a ring his future wife will love whilst incorporating elements of his grandmother’s ring to honour her”

ThatWaryLimePeer · 09/04/2026 08:44

I’m loving all the redesign stories.

I am now going to look at a couple of diamond rings I inherited and see if they could be changed. At the moment they are sat in boxes in a drawer.

ThatWaryLimePeer · 09/04/2026 08:45

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 09/04/2026 07:16

OP only you know your mum and how she would have felt about this. Your son is seeing the ring as an opportunity to save money by reutilising the diamonds. I don’t think there’s much sentimentality there. Would your mum have been happy about that or horrified?

I don’t think he’s trying to save money.

ThatWaryLimePeer · 09/04/2026 08:46

Gettingbysomehow · 09/04/2026 07:23

I repurposed my inherited diamond ring. Im not married so I dont want an engagement ring. The ring is very old fashioned and has a tiny skinny band that doesnt properly support the big diamonds so now I have something I love and can wear everyday.
I have a son no daughter so Ill be leaving it to my sister who has a daughter to keep it in the family.

Did you have it made into another ring?

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 09/04/2026 09:09

@ThatWaryLimePeer Before you change any rings make absolutely sure you are not devaluing what you have. When I’ve seen friends do this, they haven’t realised the ring they have is worth far more as it is. For example, a friend got a 30s marquise diamond set in platinum reset into a mixed metal rub over design and the diamond was turned round by 90 degrees. The hand made platinum setting of the original made the ring worth more. It was an exquisite classic and belonged to her grandmother and was turned into costume jewellery. I can see why changing cheaper modern jewellery of little value makes sense, but not something with value as a piece in its own right. Belle Epoque, Edwardian and Art Deco or Art Nouveau jewellery should be collected and saved for its unique value. Some Victorian rings are not wonderful and many rings from the 50s are churned out machine made. Although even then, some jewellery has design and value beyond the stones used. I think many on MN dont know the value of decent antique or vintage jewellery. Destruction of better pieces devalues what you have.

Moodnight · 09/04/2026 10:06

Do you and your DIL get on?

SheilaFentiman · 09/04/2026 10:19

Destruction of better pieces devalues what you have.

Maybe. But maybe it's better for a particular person to redesign, keep it wearable and keep it in the family rather than sell it for maximum monetary value.

user976532456 · 09/04/2026 10:20

I think it's lovely to bring a new beginning to old jewellery. I can understand you being a little sad, but truthfully it doesn't sound like it's a ring likely to find aesthetic favour with a young couple at this point, so keeping it intact would be only for sentimental reasons. I have some really lovely jewellery and I'd much rather that the eventual inheriters turn it into something they love as much as I love it in its current incarnation.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner It's unlikely that a 60s cluster ring has any real inherent value unless they're whoppers of diamonds (unlikely since it sounds like he's planning to use them in a halo) or by a particularly unique or sought after maker.