AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

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My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

@user976532456 Yes. I said that earlier in the case of this ring. It does suggest the diamonds are small. So I would not be worrying about its value. It’s probably not £500. However everyone interested in jewellery should be aware that breaking up very good pieces is foolhardy. So make, era, use of gold and platinum, quality of stones and design all matter when making decisions.

At the moment they have no value to me because I never wear them and I don’t think I’d get around to selling them. If they were transformed into something I like then they would have value to me.

Yes. It has £5K worth of diamonds on it and they are fabulous so I wanted to wear it on my middle finger and had the diamonds put onto a wide gold band in a slightly different configuration that wont keep slipping round my finger and actually fits. Id put a photo on here but its gone away to be cleaned.

To the second paragraph that’s not a very welcoming attitude to the woman who her son loves so much he is planning to spend the rest of his life with as that wouldn’t make her “anyone” that will make her family as her son’s wife and her soon to be DIL.

I see what you’re trying to say however your wording suggests that he should put his mother’s wishes over that of his future wife’s. And when you are engaged/married that person becomes your primary family and should absolutely come first. It comes across like the audacity of him appeasing his fiance over his mother like it’s a crazy concept.

I've got my Mum's wedding and engagement rings and it would break my heart to turn them into something else.

Yy @OneFirmBlueShaker - the GF may wear this ring every day for the next 50 years. It’s not appeasement for her husband to want her to have a ring she loves.

I think that’s very understandable for you - but if you leave them to your children/grandchildren, then it is up to them if they redesign or sell them.

@MyLittleNestThis won’t save money. The new ring being hand made will cost a lot. It’s usually cheaper to buy ready made. However the fiancé might want to choose the sapphire (slightly odd colour choice) so they will have to source this from a decent gem supplier/jeweller. Most people commenting haven’t paid for bespoke jewellery or sourced an unusual gem stone.

Oh I agree. It’s just that the one poster framed the wording more along the line of saying well it’s a shame he’s respecting the wishes of his fiance over his mother as if that’s a crazy idea instead of saying your fiance should wear a ring she really loves and offer his grandmother’s ring to another female relative in his family

But what’s the point? Houses across the country have drawers with unworn jewelry because they belonged to auntie Mabel or because they are too expensive to insure. Much better to redesign now in a way that works for use or sell and use the money more pointfully.

But it probably wouldn’t break your child’s heart to do it. So that is what will happen eventually

YANBU to feel what you feel…however, as someone who had inherited jewellery redesigned to suit my style, I do understand entirely where your son is coming from.

I had three beautiful rings made out of a pile of inherited gold, platinum and various gem stone rings/necklaces. I would NEVER have worn any if it…and it had been sitting in a box in a drawer for years. I now love my redesigned pieces and wear them every day…and each one holds a special place in my heart, because all of the stones and metal were once worn by my own lovely mum, grandma and great grandma. It’s very special to me.

Exactly - no reason that the eldest child/future fiancee of his younger brother would think it perfect for her, any more than the current woman in question,

Agree with this…my bespoke, redesigned pieces were very expensive…but my goodness are they beautiful! One of a kind (literally unique in every sense of the word) jewellery isn’t cheap. Saying that, the price I paid is less than half of what they’ve been valued at, reflecting that they could never be replaced I guess.

My mum's rings sat in her drawer for 30 years unworn after her divorce. Never saw daylight. I had one remodelled for my 40th and am having the same one remodelled with inherited diamonds from an old ring of my grandma's for my 50th. The styles on both are definitely not me, but I would rather have something beautiful that is worn every day than some precious trinket sitting in a drawer for another 30 years. I'm paying to insure it whether it's sat in a drawer or on my finger!

Does your son believe that he is comprising? Maybe have the conversation, he could think that this is what you want and feel bad that he doesn't want to use the ring in its current form.

If (god forbid) they seperate/divorce she would most probably keep the ring. Maybe see if you could buy it off him or ask him to not repurpose it. Your DS should be able to get his gf a ring with his own money, instead of relying on his granny's engagement ring. If he will not sell to you, perhaps ask him to keep it for his own future children?

When each of my lovely grandmothers passed away, they both left jewellery to various family members on “their “ side, they actually had quite similar tastes and pretty much all the jewellery is now very outdated, busy and not the style, VERY few of us would or do wear it as is.

DGM1 was adamant nothing was to be changed, it was something she was very upset about when her sister had their mothers ring remade, she gave everyone their piece she’d chosen and it was a big thing that it was to be kept the same. Very much her choice BUT nothing gets worn, the majority of her loved and chosen pieces sit in a drawer behind all the stuff that we want to wear as it feels so wrong to go against her wishes. It’s sad but it’s truly not our style.

DGM2 couldn’t have cared less, honestly. I mentioned once how DGM1 felt about the jewelry and she just said “oh I don’t care what you do with mine, I’ll be dead anyway!” Due to the style and size (she was TINY!) most of us have repurposed it into other pieces (cousin made a ring into a pendant, some of us have rejigged a ring, DB made a ring into a ring for his long term GF and put a stone in a watch for himself) and they are worn all the time. But the nicest thing, for me, is how often I get to talk about her. Recently someone said “oh I love that ring! Where is it from” and I got to tell her “oh the stones are from the ring my Nan got for her 21st birthday from her sailor boyfriend 😂”. Which wouldn’t happen otherwise as I wouldn’t wear the ring!

Given that he is spending considerable time and money sourcing the perfect peach sapphire for this ring, I’m sure he could afford a ring solely with his “own money”.

ETA but if for example he was to sell this ring, that he owns, the payment for that would be his own money

I can completely see where you’re coming from op, and I would feel a bit sad too I think but I do ultimately agree with the above. It’ll become something new and equally special to your future daughter in law as the original was to your mum, while still carrying some of that sentimentality and, hopefully, luck and happiness with it!

I honestly can't see how this is about money. The diamonds for halos (melee) aren't expensive - most of the cost is in the labour. In fact, it's likely to cost him more to have older ones unset and reset than to have the jeweller just source and set new ones.

I agree cost wise. It sounds more likely he wants a bit of grannies ring in there and is maybe a bit more sentimental than op thinks.

Making his future bride a one of a kind hand made ring with part of a ring his grannie passed down to him. A story behind each gem one he searched for and some pass down with much love.

Much cheaper to pop to any jewellery shop and pick something off the shelf.

More likely that reusing diamonds reduces the cost.

Older cut diamonds are often better quality and it doesn’t cost much to unset them from the old ring.