DH hates the sunshine, feel sad about family days out etc

[LittleHoliday]

DH has always hated the sunshine and warm weather, he grumbles and moans like anything the second the sun comes out. We both happened to be off work today, so I suggested taking our 4 and 6 year olds out somewhere nice. He basically said not to be so ridiculous as everywhere will be heaving! The kids have spent the day in the garden, whilst I've been doing some gardening and he's been inside reading! He then said he wanted to spend some time with them as he's off... So he's taken them to the cinema and told me to put my feet up in the garden.

Part of me thinks that at least everyone is happy with what they're doing, but it does make me sad that he never wants to go to parks or make the most of being outside. He's a good husband in all respects, and the second it starts snowing he's bundling the kids up to build snowmen and have a snowball fight! It's not that he's lazy. I just find his hatred of the sun so irritating!

We went to the zoo today and literally it felt like the entire country had decided to go there. It was heaving. They had to close people coming in. Your day sounds much nicer!

For you it is

They have played all day in the garden, they have gone to the cinema, he plays with them in the snow. Get some perspective here

Utter rubbish. The o.p has very fairly pointed out the things the DH does for the benefit of his family, he's got an aversion to busy hot places that doesn't make him a child.

It doesn’t seem like you all have to be together as a family. He was inside reading while you were in the garden with the kids. Now you are in the garden and he and the kids are off to the cinema.

If you want to take the kids somewhere outdoors on a nice day just do it. DH sounds like he’d be happy at home and ready to do something indoors with them when you get back.

Ah. I'm further north. 23 outside here during the day.

I don't understand all the people that think it's perfectly reasonable for parents never to entertain their children together as a unit if the mercury rises above 20 degrees.

Do you all really believe that? That it's fine and good for your children never to go out with their mum AND dad in the summer months during their childhood? "It's fine - he takes them to the cinema, you take them to the park."

I mean. It does sound a lot like the arrangement I have with my son's dad. But we are fucking divorced.

It wasn’t about the temperature but the sunshine. Plenty of cloudy and rainy days in the UK they can all go out together on. No reason to think avoiding the sun means you never ever leave the house.

Yea you are right. How lazy. cinema? All he has to do is sit. What a lump.

he grumbles and moans
tell him to grow the fuck up.

and start taking them out alone.

and start seeing him for what he is. A burden.

Unhelpful and not looking at the wider context. But you do you

"He's a good husband in all respects, and the second it starts snowing he's bundling the kids up to build snowmen and have a snowball fight!"

What a burden indeed....

I personally wouldn't sit and eat on the beaches near us. I do walk on them but they genuinely stink of sewage outlet. The sea isn't safe to swim in and that sea has lapped all over the beach you're sitting with your sandwiches on.

I didn't say he was. What i was pointing out that assuming the older child is his, they have been together for at least almost 7 years and its slightly late to get irritated by something that is not a new thing. I am averse to busy hot places too!

Ah sorry, thought you were making a clichéd "oh you have two children, one and the husband." Apologies

I think researching less well known places to visit locally is a good plan. Nobody enjoys being in crowded places (rare exceptions for some people in dance clubs etc). You'll all have a nicer time somewhere less crowded.

There's also something to be said for simplicity and finding what everybody actually enjoys rather than what you think everybody should enjoy.

It's also worth your husband arming himself with good summer clothes (natural fibres, paler colours, loose fitting) and accessories (wide brimmed hat, sweat bands, sunglasses etc) to make the hot weather as bearable as possible. There are cooling vests available that have pockets to add ice packs as well as other things like towels designed to be soaked and then put around your neck.

I love the sun but also wouldn't want to go somewhere that's heaving. Just go somewhere you all agree on.

At least he doesn’t appear to be using his aversion to heat/the sun to shirk being a parent. At least he has taken them out and left you in peace for a bit.
There can be lots of reasons why people don’t like the heat and sunshine- as someone else said, being overweight can make it uncomfortable or expose body image issues when suddenly it’s all shorts and t shirts. Skin thats prone to burning easily, sensitive eyes (I wear contacts and sun tends to dry them out), prone to headaches or hayfever. Insects can be annoying. And yes, pretty, fun places suddenly become busy and overrun with people who appear to get a lobotomy as soon as the sun is out.
Does this stop you going on holidays OP?
Yes I do think for the sake of children it’s important to push through these things. But parents can also complement each other- he likes the cold, you like the sun, and not every activity has to be done as a whole family. Like if you went abroad. You could do most of the outdoor activities with them during the day while he stays in the shade and makes sure the children get shade sometimes. Whereas in the evening when it’s time for dinner and evening entertainment you get to relax while he comes into his own as a parent. That’s just an example.

I think it’s perfectly okay that he doesn’t want to go out on hot and busy days. I’m more of an autumn and winter person too. People are saying he should get over it and take his kids out, I don’t entirely disagree but life isn’t just about kids. Adults are allowed to avoid something they don’t like sometimes.

My husband hates hot weather! If we go somewhere in the med, he sits inside in the air con and I sit outside- our son splits between the two.
Neither of them like the beach on a hot day- they like visiting the coast in winter!
On a hot day, my family would choose somewhere quieter and cooler!

I think some people on this thread need to realise just how debilitating heat intolerance is. It's not a simple dislike, it makes people physically ill, exhausted, pressure headaches, heatstroke, and worse. When it's cold, you can add layers of clothing, wear a coat and gloves etc. When it's too hot, you have to stay of the sun in minimum clothing, and if you don't have access to air conditioning or even a fan, it's fucking miserable and can render you immobile.

I can totally relate. I like the sun when it's just warm and pleasant but hate extreme heat. Going out to parks or the beach is always heaving and overrated. Im lucky that dh has always felt the same as me and our boys are the same as well. Doing something because everyone else does it, will not make any of you happier. Im sure they've enjoyed playing in the garden and then going to the cinema. Don't be too hard on yourself 🙂

This proper made me chuckle because I am exactly the same! When it snowed just after Christmas DD was so excited and I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to go in the snow 😂

I can't be out in the sunshine as I take medication that makes me prone to cancer and burning so we always get up early in the summer, get to places early morning/ for opening, I wear a hat, use sun cream and we often are on our way home for lunch or plan to be inside during the hottest part of the day. It's always quieter earlier in the day too. Might getting out and about early be an idea?

Move to Canada? 😂 You’ll all have the best time ever. It’s cold but sunny, haha. Joking aside, why don’t you go to parks or take forest walks where it’s shady? That would be a good compromise.