DH hates the sunshine, feel sad about family days out etc

[LittleHoliday]

DH has always hated the sunshine and warm weather, he grumbles and moans like anything the second the sun comes out. We both happened to be off work today, so I suggested taking our 4 and 6 year olds out somewhere nice. He basically said not to be so ridiculous as everywhere will be heaving! The kids have spent the day in the garden, whilst I've been doing some gardening and he's been inside reading! He then said he wanted to spend some time with them as he's off... So he's taken them to the cinema and told me to put my feet up in the garden.

Part of me thinks that at least everyone is happy with what they're doing, but it does make me sad that he never wants to go to parks or make the most of being outside. He's a good husband in all respects, and the second it starts snowing he's bundling the kids up to build snowmen and have a snowball fight! It's not that he's lazy. I just find his hatred of the sun so irritating!

Coming from*

I kind of sympathise tbh. I like the sunshine, but man I hate, hate, hate the heat. I am dreading June and am praying we have no heatwaves this year. The U.K. is so overcrowded, and the traffic is so awful, that it’s never a pleasure to go out anyway. The combination of heat and traffic and crowding makes me ill.

Why are they poor kids? Garden fun doesn’t mean missing out? Kids have loads of fun in the garden but he should still compromise on days out for his kids

Its not just about the ambient temperature though.

Its still and cloudless which means if you're outside in the sun it feels a lot hotter than it actually is.

I would have agreed with you in my 20s when I loved the heat, but medical problems and hormones mean I cant bear it now. I had a funny turn walking across the supermarket car park in the sun yesterday. If you hate it (or cant physically cope), you hate it, even though it might not objectively be 'that' hot.

Precisely!

why don’t you take them out yourself @LittleHoliday and leave old miseryguts to his own devices?

He basically said not to be so ridiculous as everywhere will be heaving!

This isn’t the reaction of a normal healthy person who just doesn’t like crowds or the sun much.

That person would say “Oh I don’t really fancy going anywhere too busy today, and I think the beach (or wherever) will be busy. What about xyz?”

I don’t mean to bang on when I can see people disagree as it gets very boring when people have side arguments. I’ve perhaps taken OP a bit literally as to what he said, but someone who exclaims at the ridiculousness of going “somewhere nice” (which is all the OP says she suggested, not necessarily the beach) isn’t reacting in a healthy way.

I too loathe the sun and heat, I overheat very quickly, and I feel miserable. I don't like being in crowded places in the sun, it's loud and people are so inconsiderate.

As someone who gets banging headaches from the sun, I am on his side. I also burn really easily. I do get his POV. You could have gone to the cinema with him or taken the children out yourself.

I think its reasonable to find it upsetting but honestly he sounds a good partner and dad.

He might feel equally about your disinterest in snowmen

to be fair to your DH it is the first hottest day of spring so far, I was a bit shocked when I had been wearing a thin fleece inside all day and I popped out to an appointment and it was boiling hot. But he does need some strategies to cope with going outside.

That person would say “Oh I don’t really fancy going anywhere too busy today, and I think the beach (or wherever) will be busy. What about xyz?”

That's literally what he did. They played in the garden, then he took them to the cinema. Suggesting OP put her feet up.

LTB!!

I’m with your DH, I really hate hot weather and find bright sunshine unpleasant. I think it’s really difficult to imagine what it feels like to not like something you find enjoyable, if you see what I mean. DH and DS love heat and I can’t begin to imagine what could be enjoyable about the sensation of hot weather.

Conversely, I love rainy weather. I’ll happily be outside gardening in even quite heavy rain. People moan about ‘bad weather’ and I can’t see what’s not to like.

But I think it’s best to be tolerant of other people’s dislikes, even if you find them incomprehensible, as long as they don’t dislike all weather resulting in them never being up for doing anything.

No, for some of us this is the reality of summer. I’ve had heat stroke in the UK, I’ve burned in March before, I get nauseous and claustrophobic in the heat and burn in about five minutes of direct sun. I’m a redhead and I suspect my ancestors never went south of Hadrian’s Wall 😁

You can't get every you want in one person. As you said he's not lazy, he did something else with the kids today.

I love the sunny weather, but I understand not everyone does.

Try not to focus on this issue.

Meant to say, can't get everything you want.

I hate hot weather. I hate it more with DC. I just feel the stress of sunburn and dehydration and tired hot children ruins it all.

I also don't quite understand what people do at the beach. Make a sandcastle/pile of stones, paddle a bit. But then what? Spend time playing the "is it a fossil or is it a washed up plastic bottle top" game?

Leave him alone.

How do you feel about spiders, for example?
Oh, it makes me so sad you don't like them, so unreasonable.
😂🕷️🕷️🕷️

I’m not saying LTB.

I’m saying “ridiculous” and “heaving” are an extreme reaction.

Yes he took the children to the cinema hours later, but there was no discussion. There was just “this is what I’m doing and it doesn’t involve you”.

I mean, it doesn’t matter to me if the OP thinks there’s something in my view or not. It’s just a view.

I love the beach at all times of the year. Obviously not everyone has to!

Depending on the weather and the tides we might-

Have a walk on the beach
Skim stones
Have a picnic
Swim (at any time of year as long as safe)
Rockpool if tide is out
Just sit on the beach and chat!
Look for interesting pebbles and the like
Go to nearby cafe and have tea/ cake/ whatever - or get takeaway to have on the beach

I like skimming stones but food and the beach is grim surely (I can feel the sand crunch in my teeth now)? And all the beaches near us have sewage risk for swimming.

I think your posts on here have been quite bizarre and extreme in themselves

Now you're making up a conversation the OP had or didnt have, playing out a little scenario in your head that OP doesnt describe.

Some people are just like that, OP! I am the same, actively dislike being out in the sun and try to avoid it, wear hats, long sleeves etc when I have to be out. Also really dislike crowded places, again there are many who feel the same.
He should however be willing to make some compromise for the sake of his family.

People are allowed their dealbreakers. Mine is 'beach days'. I don't hate heat, I like busy 'heaving' places, I don't dislike summer. But I'd rather go scrub public toilets than spend a day on the beach. It's torture. I refuse to do it, didn't do it for my kid either. Twice, maybe, I suffered through it with gritted teeth. Remember both times, and will never repeat it ever again. More boring 'activity' I cannot even imagine, watching paint dry is thrilling in comparison.

I also hate stupid, pointless 'woodland walks', nature and parks, but did all those things when DD was small. For her sake. Grin and bear it. Give me cities, museums, galleries, cinemas, ballet, gigs, flea markets, architecture.. Zoos, theme parks and such are also ok. Thank fuck DD is a teen now and loves the same stuff as I do + shopping/thrifting.

You're getting a better deal than your husband, OP. There are about 10-15 days when it's sunny in the UK. The rest of it is grim, so he can do all the other activities with the kids.

I’m quoting the OP!

I find it strange that you keep replying to me with such ire and determination, when I’ve tried to calm you down a bit in my responses!

Edit - I can see you’re a different poster so take that bit back but I’ve tried to smooth things in my replies and keep getting this yappy, dismissive responses that I find quite rude!

Well, the beaches we go to most are pebble beaches. So no sand to worry about.

But yes I’d enjoy a picnic on a sandy beach too - you take a blanket! Perhaps not on a windy day but not all beach trips happen on windy days.

I thought having a picnic on the beach was a classic British outing?